Too many cliche sayings echo in my ears: "Time will ease your pain," "Don't give up," " Find a distraction to get your mind off of
her"... but I don't have the strength to do anything but stare at the door, just praying she will walk back through and rush to me. She is stubborn
though. I know it will not happen today.
There's a reason cliches exist...because for the most part, they are true. (and you do have the strength, you just need to find it).
However, like others, I'd caution against hopping into another relationship anytime real soon.
Praying she'll come back? To torture your soul again? It's hard to compete with history, even when you share it too, and if she's left for an old
flame, she likely won't be back.... But here's the thing...that's a GOOD thing. Do you honestly WANT to be with someone who would do this to you?
This kind of deception isn't a reflection on what kind of person YOU are...it reflects who SHE is... Don't turn this around on you. Sounds like you
It also sounds like it's your basic nature to trust others and nurture vs. try to control. While commendable, it will also mean you'll be taken
advantage of from time to time. However, at some point, you will meet someone worthy of that trust and friendship and love.
Don't beat yourself up over it. Losing contact with the child will be the harder part of it, but if you had a strong relationship with her, you may
find the child may pressure her into letting you two see each other. All depends really...as we don't know all the details here.
Suicide is NEVER the answer though...which, if you are truly a Christian, even goes against your faith. Sure, I know you claim to have lost it
(personally, my faith is more in the Universe and the Human Spirit), but whether faith in a deity or in ideals, FAITH is the cornerstone of our
existence and purpose, and it is what drives us to enjoy our experience while here. Sure, we'll stumble along the way, and sometimes times are
hard...but we must never lose sight of all the good times, and remember them well, and seek them out again.
You will love again (maybe even lose again), but that's no excuse to not live your life and try to enjoy the good while enduring the bad.