I could really use some advice

reply to post by MMPI2


Look, my physician actually said to me for me to take the Zoloft as i feel needed. It's like a crutch, i can walk without it, but it's a lot harder. At any rate, I've had a lot of success substituting medication with heavy exercise (i run 4-9 miles a day)

I've been obsessed with a girl for the past year. It started out okay, but i said the wrong thing and it went downhill. Combine social awkwardness with looking for her at lunch (to talk) with running into her at random times in the schoolday as well as outside of school, and she thinks i'm a stalker. I've "made up" with her multiple times only to mess up again (do something socially awkward). It's gotten to the point where she blocked me on facebook. I really like this girl and i know i have to let go, but i can't shake that nostalgic feeling and i just get a very good, warm & fuzzy vibe around her. I can't stop thinking about her even at home, i'm not going to do anything like actually physically stalking her, but it's really a nuisance to constantly have her on my mind. I've tried talking to other girls, but i realize i'm just looking for this girl in them, which isn't working. I know i seem like a stalker to her, and i hate myself for it.

I think most of us have had the same thing, and usually in high school...or at least, I know I did.

Pretty much the whole 4 years of high school I was crushing on the same girl for the most part. The thing to realize is, you're still young, and while you may stay friends with some or none of your classmates, you'll go on to make new friends, and find new girls (women) that will interest you. Right now, it's easy to become fixated, and chances are you feel this girl is your destiny, and the one for you, etc.

SHE ISN'T.

You won't even have a clue about this yet, until you've met a woman who you not only care about, but who also returns those feelings, so don't get so caught up in this fantasy you've painted for yourself. It is NOT the only outcome, nor a likely one, and best to move on and find someone you really click with versus this "IDEA" you have of you and her together.

I'm now happily married (7 years) and NOT to the gal I was crushing on. I'm sure you'll find the same happiness, but you've got PLENTY of time to do so. Until then, just have fun, loosen up, and don't worry or think on it so much. I know, I know...easier said than done...but dude, I've been there, and I'm telling you it's exactly true.

I probably sound very very repetitive, however i'm still debating what to do with this girl.

The question has become action vs inaction. Do i talk to her, or do i not talk to her. Part of the issue is that i her more online messages than in person, and she didn't like that, she thought that was creepy. Maybe i should talk to her in person but then I also feel like maybe i should let nature take it's course, yet i don't want to meet her in 10 years and find out she was waiting for me to talk to her. See the dilemma?

reply to post by Gazrok


See, it's like i know this, there are many more girls out there. I've met many more girls, but still i seem to like this girl the best, the feelings are strongest for her. You're right, i do have a fantasy built up around her. Nothing crude, but i always thought if the SHTF, I'd want to be around her and make sure she's safe.

reply to post by mossme89


I totally get what you're saying. But I'm telling you, that "what if in 10 yrs" scenario you are crafting in your mind...isn't going to happen if she's already creeped out. As I said, I've been exactly in your shoes. I know what it's like. I even contemplated some dark ideas of ending it all, etc. (silly teen that I was). But now, many years later, I have the luxury of hindsight, and I realize how idiotic I was then. So, benefit from what it took me time to realize.

You've built this thing up in your head with so much force, and in such detail, that you feel it must be destined. It isn't. You need to realize this construct for what it is...a fantasy...and come back to the real world, be yourself, and find someone who appreciates you for being you.

Regardless, any further action you take involving her is simply going to creep her out even more at this point. Right now, you're going down a list of "what if I did this" or "what if I did that"...all the while, you (intellectually) know that it's a moot point, but your infatuated heart won't listen to that little voice. I'm here to tell you (whether you like it or not)...that the little voice is right, and you need to break out of it, and move on to bigger and better things my friend.

I know it isn't easy...and sure, I still even reflect back on it even these days, but I have a lovely wife that I love, and who loves me, and I still wouldn't have it any other way. I wish you the same happiness, and you'll find it...just not with this girl.

reply to post by mossme89


mossme89,

Life is hard ..at any age. Life is not instant gratification. If you are male ..it is particularly not instant gratification.
Not many out here are willing to "flashdance " you through lifes hurdles or difficulties. We do not deserve the choicest morsels off the table with someone else setting up the buffet line for us.

Relationships are often just so. Not intstant gratification. If you are a male..you will suffer rejection ..over and over and over..more times than success...get ready for this ..spiritually as well as mentally.

What has happened to you is that you are on a drug..a love drug...no different from chemical depencency. It will cloud and confuse your thinking and actions.

The problem we have difficulty recognizing because of the numbing effects of this love drug ...is that we can often love things or people who are bad for us. We will do anything and everything to get access to our love/drug.
It takes maturity to get over this hurdle.

You do not replace one drug with another mossme89. That is a bad trade off. You grow up and get over it.

Someone mentioned getting on with your studies. I agree...get your education ..get some experience out here in the real world. Get a job..get a place to stay/live. When you get a place to stay or live..you will have women trying to come over and nest...move in. You will actually get tired of most of them when you recognize what it is they are trying to do.

Become choosy about the woman in whom you decide to invest your time and monies. For these are valuable commodities in the marketplace.

Prepare for your future. There are thousands..yea....millions of women out here. Do not be so enamoured with the idea of love that you lose sight of this simple fact.

You remind me of a male versioin of this woman to whom I just posted ...here...


www.abovetopsecret.com...


Be very careful about love or what we think is love. It can often deceive us about the real conditions out here.
And get accustomed to rejection. It happens..not just in love but in other aspects of life.
You are young..nothing wrong with that most certainly. But our youth and inexperience often leads us to bad decision making from which many of us cannot easily recover.

Agree with what Muzzleflash posts on page 1 of this thread..

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Be careful out here in the mine field of love. Do not deceive yourself either about conditions out here..it can be a minefield if you are not well grounded in disciplines and easily put on the love drug.

I am not speaking against Love here..just be very careful about what we think is love. After enough experience you learn that much of it is deceiving ourselves about real conditions out here.

Hope this helps,
Orangetom