I could really use some advice

reply to post by laffoe


I'm still looking for a little more advice (see my above post 2 above this on page 2).

reply to post by mossme89


Mmmmmm when I was at your age, when I fell in love I could also write poems, make drawings, write long letters and so on, some of those girls got scared of I think... Maybe they needed to be loved in another way... Looking back I think it was important to explore these sides of mysef, opening up into another level of feeling/being, important for my proces becoming who I am...
So you have all the answers within, I have confidence in you... And don't let them make belive you're crazy, you transmit a pure beautifull energy, and you matter - deeply...
I hope you can use this little piece of advice, but as said: you have the answers within... I'll be checking out this thread, hoping things will work out for you - they will!

reply to post by laffoe


Thanks for the help and yes i hope things work out. I'm trying to get to the bottom of things internally. A big issue is that my heart is battling my mind. My heart feels for this girl and is therefore drawn to her and wants to love her. My mind says i'm infatuated, she's not interested, and i need to back off. It's been sort of a war between the two. My mind has control one day and my heart on another. I guess i just need to look within and dig deeper

Originally posted by mossme89
Good idea/Bad idea?

It depends. If you really feel as though you need to say it, then say it, but it may not be what she wants to hear...so be prepared for her not understanding where you are 'coming from'. I don't know, I always err, in matters of the heart, on the side that it is far better to regret the act, than to regret not acting and wonder...but learning to accept defeat with dignity has it's advantages also. Only you can decide. But if you do say it. Say your piece and walk away. If she has anything to say, it will be better if she has time to think about it, so don't give her chance to respond there and then. Apologise, explain and leave. Give her time to mull it over, and you'll obtain a more honest response. One way or another.

And remember, discretion is the better part of valour, don't corner her, or accost her on the street, but don't put her on the spot in public either, be patient and wait for an opportunity when you can say your piece and then make a dignified exit (which speaking from experience, is generally near to a toilet, where I could privately collapse if need be).

Damn, this reminds me how difficult it was to be a young kid in high school. Even during simpler times when I was in school the teen angst was all around.


But in my day we didnt have cell phones and all of this other crap and kids werent tied to the ass by Xbox's Live and Facebooks and all of this emo nonsense.


You seem way too young to be on a brain numbing agent like Zoloft. That is the problem with parents and kids these days, they think medicating is the answer to every problem.

When I was your age we drank beer and played music and had a lot of sex. Be a kid, dont overcomplicate your life while you are young.

You will have the rest of your adult life to be lonely and miserable, try and have some fun while you still can.

Originally posted by mossme89
reply to post by laffoe

 

I'm still looking for a little more advice (see my above post 2 above this on page 2).

edit on 12-2-2011 by mossme89 because: (no reason given)

Listen, dude...the advice has already been given. It kinda sounds like you sort of don't want the advice people have offered to you.

reply to post by mossme89


First off, with technology these days, graduating high school is no longer a friendship death sentence. I graduated over 16 years ago, I am still close friends with at least 7 people.


The most fascinating part is to see how people change. Or don't change. And you would never guess who.

If you want to maintain friendships, you will.

You like this girl because she makes you feel warm and fuzzy. Its not love, its a drug. She gives you feelings that you can't find in yourself or through medications.

Relationships like that are doomed from teh beginning. Because you should never depend on anyone else for your own happiness.

You are on the right track with exercising to make yourself feel better. Now you need to know what to do to make yourself feel better emotionaly. Time to join groups my friend. To get you out, meet people, and learn to accept random attachments that come your way.

The only person that can make you happy is you.

P.s. If your meds are making you feel emotionally flatlined, then you are getting too much, or the wrong kind.

Thanks for the advice guys.

Just an update with the Zoloft situation. We lowered the dose earlier in the week and i could feel emotion again, but still not that strongly. I've decided to go off of it entirely. I might feel depressed sometimes, but I'd rather feel like that and have a good cry now and then, then suppress essentially what it means to be human (emotions)

reply to post by mossme89


Happy to hear that you dropped Zoloft, never thought it did you any good, but wouldn't interfer.
Your soul communicates to you through how you feel, just remember to keep contact with those who make you in a good mood.
Keep in touch my friend.

I think i finally found a good description of what i feel with this girl and my predicament, limerence.
en.wikipedia.org...

reply to post by mossme89


Hmmm limerence, never heard of it before.
Sounds valid.
Can recognize some of the descriptions from my own life (though short-lived is not always the case).
For me it's more a description of the symptoms rather than the cause.
Is there a learning for you in all this? For her?
Of course I don't know you, and even less her, but such emotions sometimes carry a message within, a gateway into the soul, I have a hunch there is something to yake with you from all this.
Could be wrong though :-)

Originally posted by laffoe
reply to post by mossme89

 

Hmmm limerence, never heard of it before.
Sounds valid.
Can recognize some of the descriptions from my own life (though short-lived is not always the case).
For me it's more a description of the symptoms rather than the cause.
Is there a learning for you in all this? For her?
Of course I don't know you, and even less her, but such emotions sometimes carry a message within, a gateway into the soul, I have a hunch there is something to yake with you from all this.
Could be wrong though :-)

Quite possibly. It could be something to cause me to focus on my deeper, internal self. The past year has been the most changing year in my life, so that might say something right there.

Originally posted by mossme89
OP here agin. I'm thinking about about apologizing to her. Apologizing for the fact that I've come across as a creeper/stalker. How there are so many things that, if i could, i would do over. Apologize for the times i've offended her. Apologize that as much as i try, i can't get rid of the feelings i have for her...

I just want to get that off my chest...

Good idea/Bad idea?

Bad Idea. She will not be receptive and it will just reinforce to her that you are a weak puppy dog undeserving of her attention. You need to use the pure force of will here and move on. Learn from your mistakes on the next one. Take your attention off it and place it something else. Even this thread puts your attention on it. You can't have her so you come here and talk about her and dwell on it etc. It will be hard for a while but you have to force yourself to do it.

When you see her don't even make eye contact act like she doesn't exist. This will trip her up and empower you because right now every time you stare at her etc. it just reinforces to her she is in complete control and has you twisting in the wind. It feeds her ego and gives her something to brag about to impress her friends. Even if she did like you but caved in to her friends pressure that you are not good enough for her then you don't want someone so shallow anyways. Suck it up and move on take one day at a time.

Glad to hear you are getting off the drugs.

I think with this issue it might be best to meditate on it and go with my intuition. However, whenever i try to meditate or listen to my intuition (really with just this), my ego gets in the way and there is a TON of interference, probably because the issue is so important to me. Any tips?

Anti depressants are not happy pills. They help keep your emotion from swinging to widely. Which is why you feel flatlined for awhile. Because you are getting used to not swinging so hard.

You have to learn what is a normal response to situations. Sometimes you will be happy, sometimes sad, whatever is appropriate. It is when its extreme or unreasonable that you have to learn to deal with.

If you are not in control of yoru emotions, you may want to stay on the low dose for awhile till you figure yourself out.

Listen, this girl doesn't like you. She has sent you blatant messages. You need to work on letting her go and just focus on yourself for awhile.

You are not heeding advice because you want someone to give you the magic information on how to get the girl. But there is no getting this girl. There is nothing to base such a massive feelings on. They were never reciprocated, you never even went out together. It is completely one sided. And she has made that clear.

You have created this perfect girl in your head, you really have no idea who she is. And your in love with this image. If you actually hung out with her, you might be dissappointed.

Originally posted by mossme89
I think with this issue it might be best to meditate on it and go with my intuition. However, whenever i try to meditate or listen to my intuition (really with just this), my ego gets in the way and there is a TON of interference, probably because the issue is so important to me. Any tips?

Take your focus and attention off of it. Meditating on it only keeps your attention on it. Meditation is good however mediate on what to do with your life instead. The reason there is interference is because you are too focused and obsessed with this girl and being distracted from your lifes mission.

reply to post by mossme89


Sounds like a sensible thing to do, diving in beyond those emotions, following the vibration of your soul.
I think you will find something very profound there (sensing you have something valuable to offer this world, so that this will be of great benefit).
Regarding meditation technique others than me have deeper knowledge, a thing came up to me: try just to be in it, knowing it is there, but without focusing into the logic of ego (which surely can work like a self repeating trap, seemingly unfolding but really only repeating itself), don't try to avoid what you refer to as your disturbing ego, try to be in it, standing in the light of your soul, thus approaching/welcoming all there is by love, acceptance and from a perspective of Oneness.
Hope that it makes sense :-)

reply to post by nixie_nox


As I percieve this, that girl has only been the ignitor (amongst others) of t
hose emotions, the issue at hand is how to look beyond these emotions, into the understanding level of things, harvest the wisdom of the soul so to say.
I agree that dropping out of psycho-farmaca, in this case Zoloft, should not be taken lightly, on the other hand imo the distribution of such medicaments has reach a level beyond sensible purpose.
Almost like if given from fear of the soul within.
Just my thoughts.

I hafta admit that I'm more than a little surprised that so many folks are telling this kid to discontinue medication prescribed to him by his physician!

Why would you guys do this?

Recommeding that an adolescent stop taking medicine that his doctor felt was necessary and that his parents (apparently) consented to is a pretty narcissistic and irresponsible thing to do.

Discontinuing an SSRI like zoloft should not be done precipitously, and should involve the prescribing physician.

You armchiar psychiatrists need to rethink your positions on this, and the OP should talk with his MD immediately.

reply to post by MMPI2


As I said it is certainly not a thing to take lightly, reducing the dosis of a given psycho-farmaca (Zoloft).
I assume that our threadcreator to be a responsible person, who would not take such a step without contacting appropriate persons, that is parents and trusted medical doctors.
Actually I thought about Zoloft doing no good from the first moment I read the OP, but kept silent untill it was mentioned be him self.
My experience, from working several years in psychiatri is that the truth are not always black and white.
I have seen medicated persons losing spark and losing the sense of feeling alive, gaining much weight falling deeper and deeper into a shell protecting them from 'life'.
On the other hand I have seen persons living in pain, finding it so hard to live, for whom the medicine made things bearable.
I have no motive to impose my view on those drugs to the threadholder or anyone else (as I have not mentioned my view), I only wish that we all have a critical view on what is distributed to us, how we live or life e.g. food and medicaments, and that we all try to make the right choice out of our inner reality (also taking advice from trusted and knowing persons).
A little inspirational reading
Zoloft information (e.g. side-effects)
Further info about Zoloft (e.g. connections to suicidal behavior)