A woman's "right" to have a child

Regardless of whether or not I agree with it, what she said is totally correct and true.

How many women do you know that have gotten pregnant and someone made them have an abortion, give it up for adoption or take the child away after it's born solely on the grounds that she did not yet have permission.

Takes much more than that reason so in a completely pragmatic sense, yes... women have a right to bear a child.

I would say that having a child is her right if she wants to be a mother and can actually care for the child, but trying to force her husband to be a father when he doesn't want to is wrong.

I guess I call it a right because if it's not a right, then it's a privilege, and I am loathe to call something that is vital for the continuation of our species a privilege.

There seems to be a never-ending supply of women who are doomed to answer the toll of the biological clock. Too bad so few of them make decent parents.

In the USA you have to have a license to legally operate a motor vehicle, cut hair in a salon or sell real estate. But any female with working genitalia of proper age & health can reproduce. This is why we have too many children who never have a chance.

Eugenics is the answer. Only thoroughbreds get to run at the Kentucky Derby.

Rob needs to get a vasectomy PRONTO. Better yet just dump this rule changing HO while he has the chance.

I was a "never want kids dude" once,then i meet a great girl with a 3 year old daughter ,stepchild no stress,a couple of years later I'm told that she is pregnant ,we discuss it at length at decide we are a having a baby,i now have a 10 year old step daughter and a 5 year old son,and you know what? i wouldn't change my life for anything!
So much on this site is about people's rights,don't people have the right to change their minds without being called a rule breaking ho? I changed my mind about having kids,does that make me a bad person?at the same time Rob has the right not to have kids,so they should probably go their separate ways if they can't agree,To be honest i think having your friends involved in such a personal issue is a joke and i would be very wary of getting involved.

oh by the way having a dog/cat is nothing like having a child,sorry but that's my opinion,

Who cares about her "clock ticking"?

I'm a 37 year old woman. I never wanted to have kids. I don't particularly like kids. I live a nice life. I travel, I go out to nice places, I have nice things, A job I enjoy, friends ect; I'm in a relationship with a man significantly younger then me and have been for the last five years ( He's 22). We agreed from the beginning that we did not want children.

In the last year, my clock has been ticking so freaking loud I can barely hear myself think. It is beyond my control.I feel compelled to have sex ( this is beyond normal libido it's scarily strong). It's been very hard, because mentally, I do not want children and neither does he..but physically..I seem to be compelled to reproduce!

A few weeks ago I got pregnant. I was dismayed, but somehow I was also euphoric. We discussed termination and he indicated that he wanted me to terminate. I would not go through with it without his support, so we went to bed, our decision made.. next day he tells me that he LOVES ME and that he felt that I would regret a termination, and that he loved me enough to stand by me and be a father. Yes it would be hard, yes we would not be going on holidays, or dinner parties ( I know this sounds selfish..but this is the reality of our lives..we have each other, and full and fulfilling lives without children, having them would CHANGE our lives)..but together, and because we love each other deeply, he would stand by me.

When you love someone, sometimes you sacrifice your own wants/needs/desires/ to make them happy. Because their happiness adds to your own. I have never loved him more then that day he sacrificed his own wants for me.

Sadly, a few days later I miscarried, he stood by me every step of the way. Turns out my uterus will probably never carry a child to term, additionally my eggs are weak, so the possibility of getting pregnant again are slim without intervention . I was gutted, as was he as we had accepted it was going to happen and were making the best of it. So now we leave up to fate, we continue our lives and if it happens it happens, if it doesn't it doesn't.

I guess what I am trying to say is, do not underestimate the biology behind a woman's "need" to have a child. It is strong and compulsive.
Secondly, the advice for the man in the OPs scenario to dump his wife and run, is wrong. If you love someone, your needs and desires can sometimes take a backseat to someone else's. Isn't love all about giving...?

Originally posted by Travlla
So much on this site is about people's rights,don't people have the right to change their minds without being called a rule breaking ho?

Exactly. We don't know enough about the situation or the people involved to make such a harsh and personal attack on this woman!

My husband and I had rules when we married and some have changed over the years, but we renegotiated and came to new agreements. BOTH people should be able to agree to new rules. And this man apparently doesn't want this new rule. That's totally his right. And it's TOTALLY her right to change her mind. She hasn't broken any rules (yet) and I've read nothing that indicates she's a "ho". I don't approve of her using her friends to put pressure on her husband, though. It indicates a lack of respect on her part. I advise the man to get out for that reason.

oh by the way having a dog/cat is nothing like having a child,sorry but that's my opinion

Maybe not for you, but it can be. It all depends on the situation and the person. MY experience with 2 new 'babies' who depend totally on me for their survival, was very much like having my own child. It's not like that for everyone, granted, but you can't really project your experience and perceptions onto others.

Having a child is not a woman's right. It is a privilege!

Also if there's one thing I have learned in life, it's never say 'never'. We can never know in the present how we will feel about something in the future, so to say "I never want a child", or anything for that matter, is patently ridiculous. Life is ALL about change. Not painting yourself into a corner which appears to be the case with the couple that the Op refers to.

Pressuring the male is not the answer. If they have reached an impasse over something as important as a child, the best thing they can do is go their own separate ways while there's still time for both of them to start over/rebuild. All I see in their future is resentment.

IRM

Originally posted by InfaRedMan
Having a child is not a woman's right. It is a privilege!

The Supreme Court Disagrees

Pressuring the male is not the answer. If they have reached an impasse over something as important as a child, the best thing they can do is go their own separate ways while there's still time for both of them to start over/rebuild. All I see in their future is resentment.

I totally agree

Originally posted by Benevolent Heretic

Originally posted by InfaRedMan
Having a child is not a woman's right. It is a privilege!

The Supreme Court Disagrees

Sure! I guess I should have articulated my point better. Let me try again.

While it is a woman's birthright to procreate, it is not her right to demand and receive male sperm. There is a legal and moral criteria for such things. A male cannot be restrained and have sperm extracted from him through the demands of a woman, nor can a woman simply walk into a sperm bank and demand sperm. That's all I'm really saying.

IRM

reply to post by InfaRedMan


Oh, I see. Yes, that's a point that's been made in this thread several times and I completely agree. Thanks

The guy should run!

As a Child Free female I am disturbed by how much of the responses here seem to negate the man's feelings and promote children.

Some people do not want kids and would not be happy nor effective as parents.

Respect their choice.

reply to post by Aeons


Intresting personal stories. Thank you for your input. But knowing the guy as well as I do (they are both close personal friends of mine), I have a feeling he is not going to get with another woman and have kids. He already has two from a prior marrage and he is adament about not needing/wanting another... Ever.

reply to post by Merigold


Merigold: I am sooo very sorry to hear about that.


I understand that there is give and take in a relationship, but I think it is disturbingly commical that women think the man should give a little and the men think the woman should give a little. This is not a new car or new motorcycle. They (and others like them) are talking about a baby, certainly NOT a subject for "let's do this and see what happens...."

reply to post by Merigold


Perhaps suggesting that the advice that the man leave the relationship is wrong - however that is your opinion. In his case it might be absolutely the right thing to do and in order to qualify right from wrong in this instance is totally judgemental.

Having a child is not relocating, having your in-laws move in or any other serious decision that couples make. Having a child is forever. There is no more serious decision that a person can make.

As far as the folks in this thread who question the guy's desire not to have kids and want a reason, what business is it of yours? It is his business and only his business. Some folks don't want dogs, some folks want several. Kids dramatically alter your life. They, in every case limit your freedom, change the tone of your home, lower your disposible income, create what essentially amounts to a second job if you do it right, limit where you can live. It's a big deal. If the gent does not want to have kids because he likes to go fishing all the time, that is sufficient reason not to have them.

He should exit the relationship immediately. She will either force him to have kids, get pregnant without his consent or be resentful for the duration of their marriage.

reply to post by Jkd Up


Well since they agreed about how they should interact then its sad that now she changed her mind. So he needs to be more compassionate to her and her to him....

reply to post by Merigold


I'm going to agree with you about the compulsiveness of this urge Meredith.

I have three children. I'm 37. And last year I started getting the most insane urges to have more children.

To preface this next statement, I am VERY loyal and love my husband and he's a cutie.

My biological clock seems less impressed with this idea than my mind does. While I've certainly always had a healthy appreciatation of the opposite gender, it has become WAY more pronounced in the last year.

The genes seem to have kicked into high gear with noticing men who would make good babies. It is kinda embarassing actually. "Hmmmmm. Smart. Healthy. Nom Nom Nom." I get this reaction to my husband, but I get it to other guys too in a far more pronounced fashion than I ever did before.

I have no intention of following this up in any way. But I have been rather blown away by how impressive this biological instinct has become. I can now see why some people are controlled only by their instincts.

I have to agree - one should have a healthy respect for what is probably an instinct which is only slightly less compelling than breathing.

A woman has the right to the ability to have babies and I have the right to the ability to get a woman pregnant.
But what happens to the "right" if someone has a health problem impeding them the ability? or born with some undeveloped reproductive organ? is it still a right? hehe

A right to have babies huh?

I probably don't know full well what these "instincts" are like because I have never really had them... until the last few months. As a matter of fact, the other night I had a very short dream where I was holding a baby and kissing him on the cheek. I really don't want to create children but I would have to say... if I were in a relationship and the guy I was with wanted to have children and was very compelled for some reason, I would find it much much harder to deny him a child. I have nothing against children... I have just never felt the need to have any of my own. I have considered it an alarming number of times recently... despite still not wanting children. I'm not sure why or how this even works. It's weird.... but for the first time in my life also, I'm gaining a little bit of weight without having to supplement with anything, like a crap load of protein powder or prescription appetite stimulants. I'm not really sure what the hell is going on with me right now. I think I'm nearing 100 pounds.

reply to post by Jkd Up


It sounds like the two (specifically the wife) have to come to a decision for themselves. The wife has to compare whether or not her desire to have a child is more important than her marriage. Because if the two cannot come to a compromise, then the reality of the situation is that the two are at an impasse.