how to deal with mean heartless mentally screwed younger brothers !

My younger brother has been making demands on me and my older brother like we are his slaves ever since our mother passed away 4 months ago .

you name it hes demanded it ..

hes unemployed and never leaves the house he gets the least amount of money and spends it all on god only knows what.

the situation has risen to the point where he made my older brother so angry at him for consantly turning off the modem to get his way that my older brother smashed by accident a window thats next to our front door .
hes called me names like bitch whore and much worse ,, says crap like we never loved our mother, how losing my kids is all my fault and i just dumped them and dont care what happens to them ..

we got fed up with it all and have temp moved out of the house which my landlord still considers mine .

we re now im the process with the landlords help of throwing him out on his ass for treating us so rotten with little reason other then being a mean little prick ...

wish us luck..

reply to post by alysha.angel


Evict him. Otherwise it will never end.
If he wont leave: move out yourself. It isnt worth the stress.


*sigh*
Thought I included the part about it being the right thing to do as it will not ever get better.

When he's calm, or if he is never calm try to approach him in a clam manner, and just talk to him.

Originally posted by Anttyk47
When he's calm, or if he is never calm try to approach him in a clam manner, and just talk to him.

we tried for months to reason with him in a normal way gave in to his demands and he s never satisfied ...

and yes we are kicking him out but in the mean time to have some peace and quite me and my older brother have moved out ...

i mean he the younger brother cost me a potentional realtionship in the process now i ask how is that fair?

its disgusting to be treated like that in your own home by a family member,
best of luck kicking that scum out if my little bro treated me like that,
i would probably be locked up in prison on a murder charge

Well, if my mom just died, I would be devastated. So devastated, i may just not do anything. I would also probably react badly to tense situations, attacking the person rather then helping. It's just human nature though.

Instead of throwing him out, ensure addiction is not involved. If so, take care of that for him. Don't give the kid what he wants, give him what he needs. If addiction has nothing to do with it, he obviously needs a lot more help. Try getting him into something beneficial and fun, like web design or even photography. Let creativity be a vent, if not, violence will.

I am in no way trying to attack your method of dealing with the situation, and it is probably a lot worst than I am thinking. But throwing him out on his ass is not looking out for your family, and in such a time and situation as yours, its very irresponsible. Helping is a lot harder and longer, and cost you more than him, but it's worth it once sanity is restored.

he has obviously taken your recent tradgedy in a very bad way and it has caused him deep distress and he does not know how to take it so he is lashing out at others as he is possibly incapable of understanding others feelings above his own.

its a sad situation you are in but try not to allienate him as he will need your support and i know it is hard to be understanding towards someone who seems without emotion but i would keep trying to help him even if he is living elsewhere.

Originally posted by gandhi
Well, if my mom just died, I would be devastated. So devastated, i may just not do anything. I would also probably react badly to tense situations, attacking the person rather then helping. It's just human nature though.

Instead of throwing him out, ensure addiction is not involved. If so, take care of that for him. Don't give the kid what he wants, give him what he needs. If addiction has nothing to do with it, he obviously needs a lot more help. Try getting him into something beneficial and fun, like web design or even photography. Let creativity be a vent, if not, violence will.

I am in no way trying to attack your method of dealing with the situation, and it is probably a lot worst than I am thinking. But throwing him out on his ass is not looking out for your family, and in such a time and situation as yours, its very irresponsible. Helping is a lot harder and longer, and cost you more than him, but it's worth it once sanity is restored.

the man is pushing 30 years old and its high time he learned to live on his own plus he treats everybody like crap ..

reply to post by alysha.angel


I was thinking someone my age....disregard what I said unless addiction is involved.
(I'm 18)

Sounds like he needs a good kick up the bum!

I suppose everyone deals with grief in different ways, but you're not a psychiatrist (as far as I know), therefore it's not up to you to try and treat whatever issues he has. Just have faith he will grow up one day. In the mean time good luck.

Originally posted by gandhi
reply to post by alysha.angel

 

I was thinking someone my age....disregard what I said unless addiction is involved.
(I'm 18)

addiction is not the issue.. but thanks for asking .

reply to post by alysha.angel


I would imagine that this is his way of coping with the loss of your mother. I am no expert on this but I have a feeling that some time in the future you will break through to him and he will let all those emotions out, break down and just bawl in front of you.

If it were me, I would try to find ways to help him and get him through this instead of alienating him. That's just me though, I wouldn't want any harm to come to you and your family should he get worse or get violent - if he does, I'd treat it as another sign to get him some help.

Hope for the best for you and your family,

Khar

The man needs a wake up call. The man does not realize the implications of his actions right now because he is used to using fear and guilt to get his way .

How to fix ?

let him learn the hard way ..


once something is gone ...only then do some actually appreciate it and will go to reform and change there ways....



evict evict evict .


Its to bad some people have to go through the hardway to get the hint

but hey ...

your doing him a favor in the long run.


Next time he thinks about pulling this card again he will remember the eviction from his family and the conseqences and he will think twice and act once .


You are doing the right thing. imo

I know how you feel. I"m 48 single, and work my @ss off at a minimum wage job and have a family member who lives with me off and on. She has a 3 yr old who I support most of the time, and after house payment, car payment, credit card payments and utilities there's not much left for fun. We have no cable or TV service, and our internet is dial-up. I'm doing the best I can just keep a roof over my head, but nothing is ever good enough. My house is always cold, but my electric bill is almost $200 a month.The rates have more than doubled in the last year. Plus, she likes to bring home puppies, but when they outgrow their cuteness she forgets about them. I now have 5 dogs and four cats to feed as well, not to mention several others I managed to find homes for. But the second she gets any money, she disappears until it's gone, then I have to rescue her from whatever situation she's gotten herself into. My credit cards are maxed out from buying bus tickets and train tickets and paying fines to get her out of trouble. If it weren't for the baby, I'd leave her to her own devices. But he's in my heart now, I just can't bear to have him on the street again.
I feel fortunate for what we have, but she just feels deprived of what we don't have.

Originally posted by seedofchucky
The man needs a wake up call. The man does not realize the implications of his actions right now because he is used to using fear and guilt to get his way .

How to fix ?

let him learn the hard way ..


once something is gone ...only then do some actually appreciate it and will go to reform and change there ways....



evict evict evict .


Its to bad some people have to go through the hardway to get the hint

but hey ...

your doing him a favor in the long run.


Next time he thinks about pulling this card again he will remember the eviction from his family and the conseqences and he will think twice and act once .


You are doing the right thing. imo

we are talking about a 29 year old man who has never lived on his own . has always had his mother til recently stick up for him and his bad ways and his mouth ... hes always degraded me , and my older brother . i have a fat complex thanks to him ..

had told me for years that im the worst mother in the world etc etc so our mothers death all it did was push him further into the deep end ...

reply to post by alysha.angel


"we are talking about a 29 year old man who has never lived on his own . has always had his mother til recently stick up for him and his bad ways and his mouth ... hes always degraded me , and my older brother . i have a fat complex thanks to him "

doesnt matter if hes 10 or 100 . Sometimes the only way is the hard way for these punk kids. When i was much younger i used to be that way to my mom and dad . Disrespecting , demanding things , just spoiled thinking the world owed me something. It was not untill that enviroment was taken away that i realised how lucky i was , and how hard life is without the support. My only regret is not learning the hard way soonder

Originally posted by seedofchucky
The man needs a wake up call. The man does not realize the implications of his actions right now because he is used to using fear and guilt to get his way .

How to fix ?

let him learn the hard way ..


once something is gone ...only then do some actually appreciate it and will go to reform and change there ways....



evict evict evict .


Its to bad some people have to go through the hardway to get the hint

but hey ...

your doing him a favor in the long run.


Next time he thinks about pulling this card again he will remember the eviction from his family and the conseqences and he will think twice and act once .


You are doing the right thing. imo

Chucky, that was the most insensitive, unintelligent reply I have seen in a long time - especially to a post about someone who is coping with a tragedy in the family and a family member who may be having a hard time dealing with it. This is a potentially dangerous situation.

If I could take away stars or award negative points you'd get a few right here.

We're all more stupid right now for having listened to your answer.

Khar

Before you do anything....explain in a very serious manner that what happens next will effect the rest of HIS life.

If he can be made to understand this, then he will have nobody else to blame for what comes next because it will be his actions that have led to the consequenses.

Reality bites!

Tricky times and you must also consider that YOU are possibly about to change a life for ever if you just turn your back, it may be his fault but many ingredients will be involved. Blood is thicker than water.

He misses his mum and needs to grow up and be responsible, he doesn't know how to get on without her and he obviously misses and needs the attention she gave him. If you cannot give it to him then you are the enemy and probably why he blames you and takes things out on you. It's normal I think.

Tread softly and don't act rashly. His realisation of reality and what could happen next is the key. Let him also know that you miss your mum. Good luck.

reply to post by alysha.angel


I agree with the first reply, evict him. You do not deserve to be treated like that, you said he was 30 right? He is acting like he is the only person who is going through this loss (I'm sorry for your loss btw). You don't need to deal with someone who doesn't treat you with respect on top of going through your own emotions. Things will get better. If I read correctly you said your older brother is behaving fine? I'm sure you and your older brother realized that you have to get through hard times as a family, and until your younger brother is able to do that I would kick him to the curb. Lay down the law, either be a part of this family, contribute, and not add extra stress... Or leave.

Stay strong, miss. Things will get better

Originally posted by IzzycomesinPeace
reply to post by alysha.angel

 

I agree with the first reply, evict him. You do not deserve to be treated like that, you said he was 30 right? He is acting like he is the only person who is going through this loss (I'm sorry for your loss btw). You don't need to deal with someone who doesn't treat you with respect on top of going through your own emotions. Things will get better. If I read correctly you said your older brother is behaving fine? I'm sure you and your older brother realized that you have to get through hard times as a family, and until your younger brother is able to do that I would kick him to the curb. Lay down the law, either be a part of this family, contribute, and not add extra stress... Or leave.

Stay strong, miss. Things will get better