posted on Jan, 25 2011 @ 11:14 PM
I posted the majority of this in another thread, but its just as relevant here.
My dad was a Vietnam vet, I never understood when I was younger why he did not ever talk about it. I thought "Hell, if I was in a warzone like that I
would be bragging to everyone I knew about it." I didnt understand until I got older why he never wanted to talk about it around anyone other than
some of his old army buddies that would stop by from time to time over the years.
Its not something someone who has never been there can easily grasp. I was in the Army 8 years as a 19K, I was deployed to the former Yugoslavia and
to eastern Afghanistan. No amount of mental or physical preparation can ever compare to having to shoot people and get shot at. I've never felt such
intense fear in my life on those occasions when firefights happened.
I ETS got back home and was a raging alcoholic/drug abuser for about 3 years. I almost killed myself. I had survivors guilt bad because 3 of my good
friends were lost over there. You don't know why they were taken and you were not. You keep thinking, Why the hell did better guys than me not come
back and my sorry ass did? I don't know how my wife put up with me during this time. I finally heard god/yahweh/the universe whatever you want to
call him tell me one night to either continue on this path and die, or find a way to stop being guilty. I went to the VA to maybe try and get some
counseling. They acted like I was normal. There was nothing wrong with me. It was all in my head. (technically it was, but you know what I mean). They
put me on anti-anxiety to sleep and anti-depressants to help with mood swings. I swear the meds made me more suicidal than the drinking did. I quit
taking them and said to hell with the VA. Its hard as hell get monetary compensation outta them for PTSD because you can't physically prove it. So
now, I just smoke some to help me sleep at night. I still get bad nightmares and night sweats. But I'm not killing myself with alcohol and drugs.
The dudes I work with now play Call of Duty like fanatics. They keep begging me to play online with them because they keep saying (and this is really
funny/ignorant) that I should have the highest kill counts on the teams because I used to be in the Army. Like we were over there having thumb wars or
something. I love video games, but I refuse to play it with em. Oh, and to all the people who are reading this who are not prior service........Never
ask someone you meet that tells you they were in Iraq, afghanistan, Vietnam, Korea, or any war zone. Never ask right off the bat if they had to kill
anyone. Or how many ragheads they had to kill. People are asses like that. If you think about it, its really a rude ass question and makes them feel
And you can definately do drugs on deployment. We used to buy hash and opium from the little afghan kids in matchboxes. It was terrible quality, but
we did'nt care. Sometimes they would try to come around and "scare" everybody taking samples. But it was bull. The anti-depressants made me
straight suicidal. I had always felt guilty about being alive when I came back but never acted on the suicidal tendencies till the damn VA put me on
The military is getting stretched to the breeaking point. Alot of these guys are being FORCED to stay past their ETS time and do 3,4,5 or more