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So, my question is. Do I just accept that these people are like this and carry on feeding them, or do I just care less and play them at their own game of not bothering with them as much?
Originally posted by Gazrok
It's nice having friends you can rely on, and who can rely on you, when the chips are down.
Originally posted by johnwordswu
Since my breakup, I have been analysing myself a little more closely (maybe too much, as you do after a split) so instead of bottling it up I thought i'd trhow it out here and see what people thought.
Firstly, i've gone through the 'no confidence, no women like me, i'll die alone' phase so this isn't what this is about. This is instead pondering my values and actions with friends.
See, i'm a bit old school. Your treat women nice and be honest? They reciprocate back (though I now believe this only becomes the case when most women reach 30 or over, the younger ones still want a 'challenging MAN. I.E. An asshole) and also with friends, I'm not a 'high maintainence' guy, but I value my friendships and believe in making an effort for said friends.
So this is where I come unstuck; I tend to sometimes feel rejected or under appreciated due to my caring nature. This probably has been exagerrated by my recent split, but I get frustrated sometimes when it feels like friends either don't care as much or play games. For instance, in a number of cases I feel like I'm the one always doing the chasing in terms of being the first one to initiate texts etc, and sometimes they'll just stop replying mid way through a conversation. This is an extreme example and i;ve learned to be harder on them and just not bother with them as much anymore, but at the same time its very hard to change your nature when you want to be generous, even though its being exploited or taken for granted.
With my closer friends too, sometimes when you just need a chat etc or something they don't have time, whereas I always MAKE time for one of my friends in need, along with always trying to take an interest in their interests...something that they never do for me. For example i'll invite them to a race and they either arent interested or say yes then back out at the last minute, after I have partaken in activities of hobbies they like! And the biggest bull# excuse that pisses me off is 'Oh sorry I didnt reply, I've been busy etc'. I'm sorry, with todays modern marvels of communication how long does it take to send a text or whatever? Thats not a valid excuse.
So, my question is. Do I just accept that these people are like this and carry on feeding them, or do I just care less and play them at their own game of not bothering with them as much? Not all of my friends are like this so I don't want you to think all of them are completely wrong for me as friends, I just think in this modern day and age there seem to be so many 'low maintainence' friendships about, which to me isnt a friend.
Originally posted by Night Star
In my personal opinion, it is best to have a few close and worthy friends than many friends who arn't worth the time and effort. A real friend will be there when you need them, will make the time to see you and spend a little time with you. Don't change. Be yourself.