Today I woke up to the smiling face of my 1 year old daughter. She pointed at me as I walked into her bedroom, with a smile that melted my heart. As I went to pick her up she stared at me with green eyes and said "mom."

I picked her up and carried her to the window so she could look out into the world. In her mind, everything in the world is right. All she can see is outside that window where there is peace and beauty. She can't see life beyond the window, she can't see suffering, or racism, or abuse. She can't see famine or war, she can only see the trees swaying lazily in the breeze.

She turns to me and smiles, she points at the trees and starts to laugh. What a wonderful way to wake up

Chapter 20

Today I hope will be another normal day. Normal in the sense that nothing will interfere with my daily life. It's not like any day is ever normal anymore. War, deaths, meteors, aliens, spirits, predictions, prophecies, politics, conspiracies entwine themselves with every second, every minute, every hour, to make the new normal. But the new normal hasn't fully affected me yet, I am still living with old normal. The normality of making breakfast, taking kids to school, cleaning the house, planning a birthday party, watching tv and surfing the web. The old normal is good especially when the new normal seems to be creeping closer threatening almost to displace the old normal with just a moment's notice. The new normal is almost here, it will only take a moment to happen and many may not notice, but i will always be grateful waking up to another normal day.

Thanks for contributing guys, great stuff

Today I am going back to work. It's been now 10 days I'm off. On leave I mean, so it was good to be off, but even if I had a bit of a hard time to wake up and get up, I feel like going to the office. I think already about meeting all my colleagues. Maybe it's very lucky but I like nearly all of them, and honestly I think they pretty much all like me as well.

Strange, maybe, but while all people tend to like at least 2 weeks, up to 4 weeks of leave, I don't. It gives me the feeling that I'm not needed, and it's boring to me in the end. I like to work, and honestly it is probably a luck to be working. I don't understand those who have a work and complain about it and say 'oh I'd rather be home'. Well, if they were home everyday they's say 'I'd better find me a job!'. I never had the will to stay without doing anything for days and days, this is how I become lazy...

It's been a nice leave period, but I'm happy to get back to work. My colleague, the one I share the office with, is very nice. It will be a change after this time to get back there though... I won't have time to do the shopping without a hurry, or just go out for a walk... But now, I will fulfill a role that I like: my job. It's so good after a day when you look back and think that you did something.

I work with and for people. It is a good feeling when you know you helped someone. Sometimes I wonder: if it was me in front of that desk, asking for some help, and sometimes not much more than a paper or a piece of advice, nothing very much difficult, if it was me, would they do it? Would the other people help? It makes me feel good to know that I have an opportunity every day to be someone important at least to another person. I wish everyone could feel the same.

It is time to get ready now. Just time to finish my coffee, get to the bathroom and put my clothes on, then set in my car and depart. I somehow look forward. Never look backward too much anyway: experience is a light that shines in your back. Now is the perfect time to go ahead and proceed with a life that's nothing more than common, but nothing less than special.

Chapter 22 Character


Today, I confronted evil. I spoke the truth to liars. I called out traitors and cowards. I stood up for the good and the righteous. I gave an honest account of myself. I did what was right, even at my own peril.

I struck a chord for freedom. I denied the fallacy of pacifism and appeasement. I stood up in the face of opposition. I continued down the path of righteouness, for its own sake. I broke the silence. I was as a voice crying out in the wilderness.

I stood up in the face of ridicule. I did not shrink from reality. I stood in the arena filled with a thousand vengeful onlookers and walked the guantlet of hatred. I turned and I smiled at their insults. I laughed in the face of death.

I sacrificed a part of myself for liberty. I acted in a cause outside myself. I remained loyal to those who sacrificed for me. I humbled myself before God and begged his forgiveness for my shortcomings. I prayed for those who despise me. I gave alms to the poor.

Today, I confronted evil. Today was a wonderful day!



[edit on 04/8/26 by GradyPhilpott]

Chapter 23 - Reminders of then

Today I burnt my finger with a match. The black, sulphurus stain left upon my index finger reminds me of you. Today is thursday, my day off, but this is no break. For today I am looking back, gazing into the depths of my memory, an oblivion of thoughts. Can I say thoughts? Nostlagic feeling which cannot be grasped, reality that cannot be seen. It cannot be seen because it is gone. Your skin cannot be touched because you are gone.

These things happened to me so long ago. The monotony of the everyday, fade away world serves it's purpose to distract from what is important...or painful.

CHAPTER 24 Depressed and Annoyed

Today i recieved a call form the bank telling me the that cheque i deposited 2 days ago had been, "RETURNED TO ISSUER" i couldn't believe it cos that cheque was to pay for my rent and i am 2 months behind.To let off some steam, i played badminton for a straight hour and was very exhausted afterwards.
I am gonna call me boss tomorrow and find out what happened to my dough!!!!

Today I sat in my room and listened to every Frank Sinatra CD in existence. He never sings cold, his voice never quavers, his tone never shakes, and with the stiking of each new all encompassing love song, he sounds 25 again. He's starting over without going back. He's going back without losing time. He's losing time without any fear of having to make it up. But somehow, nothing is ever just made up, its all sincere and all so pure.

Today I decided to start over, and that all starts with the album I found burried in my bedsheets...

Today, I refound myself. Beneath those tattered pieces of flannel was an ancient CD that barely ran. The instant the music started to play, I sunk under the waves in a sea of nostalgia.

Poe.

Tapping the Vein.

Micheal Hoenig.

Hans Zimmer.

Lacuna Coil.

Tool.

The Faint.

A belt of songs played, and I drowned in my mispent youth. The angst, the escapism, the loneliness and absolute despair that turned me into something numb.

Today, I relived highschool.

DE






[Edited on 28-8-2004 by DeusEx]

*The last chapter seemed like a perfect place to break into a new section, so this is volume 2, a flashback in "Today I..." which could really be called "Yesterday I..." couldnt it eh?*




"Shane!"

She called to him from the end of B building.

"SHANE!!!"

We both turned around, her petite frame and short skirt running towards us, her messy hair and unmatched scoks stood out vividly in my mind.

"Shane, jeez! I've been looking for you all over, you left this in Bio."

His composition book, covered in wine stains and burn marks, was his entirety. Today I don't remember what he ever wrote in it, and I guess he never will either, because he took the book from Diane, turned and walked down the hall.

He committed suicide 3 weeks later.

[edit on 8-29-04 by Scat]

Today, I watched my friend dissolve a little more. You could see it in his face. The sunken eyes, pale cheeks. He was glad went he got his book back, but it only lasted a little while. The look in his eyes was that of a prisoner- he saw daylight briefly as Diane gave him the tattered collection of papers, and then was locked up inside of himself again in an instant. There was something dark and terrible in there, just waiting for him.

Me and Diane, we watched our friend walk away. We both knew Shane needed help, but what could we do? We had tried before, and he hadn't listened. It had taken weeks to get back on his good side. That day, we saw things deteriorate even further, and we did nothing. Maybe he was reaching out, by leaving his book there. I don't know.

Today, my indecision cost someone else something precious.

DE

Today I ate my breakfast but I was still hungry. Today I brushed my teeth but they were still yellow. Today I stepped outside and felt alone, today I travelled without leaving home. Today I made a wish that never came true: I walked the length of my royal blue room. Today, silently, I sing a tune and walk the earth and walk the moon and kissed the sky and touched the clouds. And today the clouds were full of nicotine. Today is my day, forced upon me with the power of the sun. Today has only just begun.

Today I hugged the wall and I was still lonely.

Today.

It's 7:30.
31.
30.

The minutehand on my watch moves back and forth, over and over and over again.

It's 5:32.
31.
30.

The school clocks are never set to the right time, and throughout each class all we ever heard is the incessant clicking of the hands moving backwards, but never reaching the correct time.

No one ever has the time. Today I looked towards the ground, my shadow was absent. Yet looking towards my wrist it read 8:46.

Today I realized why Shane always wore a broken watch. That way, he always had time, and never lost trach of it.

Today, I realized the way Shane feels sometimes. We sat in the music class after school- me, Diane, Shane and Janine. All around the hard, carpeted ampitheatre style room we sprawled out, waiting for the teacher to let us go. I wasn't there because I took music like the other three. I was there because they were my friends.

Shane was writing quietly by himself, the scratching of pen on paper audible in the silence. Janine quietly strummed at an acoustic guitar, singing the notes to herself as she tried to teach herself the instrument. I was hopeless and confused when it came to rhythm and harmony.

"Do, rei, meee..." she mummured to herself again and again, strummign the same three notes. A few minutes later, Diane's voice joined in as she stared at the ceiling. "Do, meee, rei...." The two voices came together naturally, harmonious if quiet and bored. Then, out of nowhere, Shane's voice drifted over his chicken scratch. "Rei, la, ti, do...."

The tempo increased, Janine looking up at Shane as he concentrated on his book. I just sat and listened as the song evolved, all from the basic scale. Point. Counterpoint. Shane's almost basso voice exalted Diane's high notes as their subconscious duet played on and on for an hour. All the while, I sat there amazed. They wouldn't remember the beauty of the music, the perfect way it came together or the elaborate simplicity. They didn't remember any of it.

I am the only one who does, because in that instant, I knew that if I even attempted to join it I would have ruined it. My fallacy, my inabilities would anger everyone. It would kill something good. I was unworthy. Today, I might have experienced a fraction of what Shane did.

DE

So I'm waiting
and watching
For you to start applauding

But never
I'll hear you
Preaching anything true

Because we
Don't understand
Or stand for any besides money and greed
We sing, "Me me me me me. This is the one god me me me."

Today I traced the outlines of those words. Black ink, always. Handwriting so shaky it almost seemed like the words were.all.just.written.as.one.
Shane wrote that on the inside of my notebook. The night before some jerk-off, Andrew, had tried to convert him to his

crazy community-church (cult) thinking,

Jesus loving,

homeboy t-shirt wearing,

christian rock singing,

piece of crap he calls a religion.



The night after was one Andrew wouldn't forget, and Shane was the sole proprietor.

[edit on 9-2-04 by Scat]

Today i feel sick and want to die i hate my job now i am vvvvvvery tired of this " i cant be bothered with all of this anymore lifes to short" Reggie Perrin.

Today I pondered over a trusted friend's comments about flogging a dead horse. In other words, the enemy is already dead. It's just a matter of time. Yes, the case is closed but the view is still entertaining to watch.

The other issue my trusted friend brought to my attention today is that using full power when only 1/4 is required is a waste in expenditure of energy. The result is the same either way so why not conserve the extra energy for future projects. Point taken. I shall conserve so I can do more.

Today I lost track of time. Confused I woke up in a daze at 5.00am and read a book and smashed a glass. Frustration within twilight, twenty four hour news and day old pizza. Space decorated with posters and art, but I couldn't feel it , maybe it was the time.

My walls are blank now.

Today I hoped would be the day for something interesting on ATS, finally I thought, somebody might come up with something new, something I had never seen or heard of before.
But sadly it was the same old stuff, rehashed in the same old manner. Same old links to the same old fairytales. Same old 'deny ignorance' slogan, which has as much bite as the 'fair and balanced' slogan.
So I posted my same old replies to the same old stuff and got the same old responses to the same old guff.
It's the same day over and over again, like a cosmic joke from the space time continuim.
Maybe tomorrow will be a new day, just beyond reach. Until then I found something better to do...Getting outside in the sun and fresh air on the beach.

{ey zeeero this isn't the complaints box ya know{
Don't worry I don't mind really, wish the weather was good enough to be outside here. }{

Chapter 10 - song for her

Today I wrote a song for her. The one who left me without love. I made it intricate like the feelings we shared, and the ending abrupt. Major to minor like the way I am now. The only solice in life now gone, with the gaping hole worse than before. "It is better to have loved than lost," the loser never says .

[edit on 20/9/2004 by earthtone]