Originally posted by Havick007
reply to post by apodictic
Yeah ive kinda noticed in this thread that a few people have been feeling similar although not exactly the same and around different times...
Thanks for sharing, i am getting even more curious now that more people seem to be feeling similar things.. it's kinda strange although i wont rule
out the possibility thats it's all unrelated..being objective and all.
But thanks for your input i still dont know what im doing though or what i should be doing.. I've lost total track of my goals, ambitions and
I went through something similar about 3 years ago. It had phases of a few months of wanted to solitude myself. I found personally, that reading
things that fed my philosophical side of me, seemed to give me what I was needing. I read SOOO much stuff during these times...sometimes would be up
till 3 in the morning reading. It helped me 'feel connected' to humans, to learn about the way they thought way back then and try to understand why
they believed in what they did (they had real reasons to believe what they did). I loved reading about quantum science and how the earth and
everything together seemed to be a 'huge one thing' that was all working together...manifesting 'something more'.
My lack of 'being with people' seemed to go along the lines that simple socialness was not feeding what my inner being seemed to be needed. Out ego
and personality feeds on certain kinds of 'being' and our inner self as we grow up feeds on a different kind of 'being'. I discovered my inner
being was NEEDED TO BE FED
All my dreams seemed related to this...some gave me deep choices to make in the dreams, like a 'game' that I had to try to 'win'. Some should be
desires of myself I didnt really know I focused so much on in life or fears that I try to ignore. Once I faced these self desires and fears, worked on
them, figured out ways I could control them more and not let them control me....I felt a inner growing going on and at times it was such a mystical
experience that I could of just left the whole world and went off into the forest somewhere and been totally content the rest of my life with just me
and nature. A overwhelming sense of 'oneness' began to grow in me and this eventually led me back into the 'family gatherings' and some
'socialness'. What I learned was, I had things to offer others while with them....bringing a patient smile to gatherings, bringing a care for them,
showing them sincere attention, and low and behold....it seemed many of them was needing something from me, which was for the most part, sincere
attention, love, and a good listening ear. I eventually did not go to social gatherings for 'myself' but went more for 'others'. People need
other peoples energy....and unconditional love is something that others are in need of. Sometimes its still hard to participate in what I find to be
waste of time talking alot about things that just dont matter to me anymore....but I step back and smile at letting everyone be who they are, where
they are, and love them for that.
For me...I cant describe it another way but the Spirit within me was calling me...and the Spirit within all other life around me...responded as well.
As I pondered and studying and meditated....it was like the Spirit within me was seeking harmony in itself with all the other life around me which it
was also in. But first....it had to awaken within me. It longed for observation of things, awareness of 'cause and effect' within all events and
behaviors, a recognition of all my actions of the past and a healing from them. A forgiving of myself for many things and then a forgiving of all
events of mankind, ever.
I dont do parties anymore (like going out on friday nights for no real reason)....but if a friend has a birthday or something and everyone is going
out...I try to make an appearance for a couple hours. I find small talk....really really agitating now. Friends would get upset for I would not sit on
the phone small talking about nothing (Im a girl and girls are known to 'just talk' lol).
What feeds me now in life...is trying to give others, what they are in need of. Attention, a smile, a hug, eye contact, advice, or just unconditional
I think the 'real you'....the 'IAM' within you....is stirring. To let this take effect, your intellectual mind, your personality, will need to
choose to step aside while you ponder on what this 'IAM' within you is. It seeks harmony in itself and since its within all life...it seeks harmony
Are you a nature person? Something that drew me in was sitting with the trees....they hold so much wisdom. Sit outside with the wind....let it carry
whispers to you. Step out and say hello to the Universe....and let the Spirit within all things....say hello back to you. As the IAM within you can
show awareness to itself that is outside of you in all life through your eyes....the IAM that is within all things around you is going to show
awareness back to YOU.
I think that within you.....a 'face' moves upon the waters.