reply to post by mblahnikluver
Do you really want to treat people who would be your friends like that? I'll forgive you because I know how much you are hurting.
Some of us, maybe most of us, are responding to you because we DO know what it is like to have loved and lost and we want to see a swift end to your
We know exactly where you are and want to pull you out, dig you out, blast you out - whatever it takes to get you back to a happier more stable frame
We don't want you to spend years, yes YEARS, feeling as if:
You've had your guts ripped out.
That your heart has diminished to a little shrivelled thing only capable of pumping blood around your body - just. No longer able to feel
That you are experiencing life from behind a pane of glass.
Any of that familiar to you? If it is, then you'll know that I've been there too.
You know what saved me? My pride - the one last little part of me that didn't keel over and die. My pride rallied the troops and helped me to fight
back. But I'm a different person now.
This man has assessed you as someone who might cheat on him or possibly desert him. Why aren't you outraged?
Part of the reason you are hurting so much is because you are getting mixed messages. Something is being taken from you with one hand and (almost)
promised to you from the other - at some time in the distant future.
If he told you that he hated you it would be easier for you to accept than what he's putting you through.
You know, the first stage of grief is supposed to be denial. That's all I can think when I read your posts. You are grieving terribly and I feel
for you, but please, you need to be shaken out of this.
When I finally got myself 99% back together I still had to deal with 1% of me who was railing against the situation the same as you are. I visualize
a lot and I saw myself digging a deep hole and I dropped that 1% into the hole and covered it with a big lid. Then I got on with my life and left it
there to scream and cry all by itself.
That sounds brutal, but I needed to do something so I move on. I'd felt as if my life was represented by a stream and in the middle of it there was
giant boulder, obstructing the flow. I couldn't get round it, over it, under it or through it.
Of course it will take time for you to heal, but my hope for you is that, somehow, we can reduce that time.
I am talking as if there is no hope, I realise that. But, just imagine for a minute that you get back together. How will you arrange things so they
are more on your terms? What will you do to ensure that he can give you the respect and security of a solid relationship that he is 100% committed
Whatever happens, you are going to need to be strong. Being in a relationship with him isn't for the faint-hearted, which you know because he is
making you fight for something you want so badly.
And why? Why would he do that? What sort of man would make you fight for him like this?
Why can't he just say a straight No and close the door completely? And if he thinks that, eventually, he will give in and allow you to be with him
again, why can't he he just say Yes straight away? Those are fair questions.
I got a feeling I'm going to regret making this post, but here it is. I hope it's worth something to you.