Why is it crazy to fight for someone you love?

I recently had my world tossed upside down by the man I love more than anyone I have ever loved in my life. He is my soul mate. He is everything I ever dreamed about or wanted in a partner. I never thought I would ever meet my perfect match til I met him...well he got scared and ran from his feelings recently and it crushed me. Well shattered is more like it but It's something I understand on how he feels and nobody else will and I am not mad at him and I don't hate him. I actually feel for him because i know how he is feeling right now and it breaks my heart even more. So I am doing something completely unheard of anymore and I am fighting for the man I love. I am getting on a plane next month and confronting him face to face.

However all people seem to tell me is how stupid or sily it is. Well imo people don't fight for love ENOUGH anymore. Everyone wants to just avoid emotions or feelings and they let pride get in the way. Everyone is afraid to tell the one they love how they really feel out of fear and past hurt. People don't seem to know how to love anyore. I guess I am a hopeless romantic and believe in love or I was just born in the wrong century.

This day and age people don't seem to really love enough or fully. I love this man and we had a great relationship and he got scared and I understand. It didn't end because he didn't love me or want me, it was because he did and it scares him. I have been there and well I know how he feels and I am going to fight for him and not give up on him or us. I am scared to death about just going there but deep inside I feel a calm that I never felt before. It feels right and my gut is usually always right. It's not an irrational decision. I have thought about it since all this happened and I feel it's the right thing to do. I need to see him face to face. I don't even feel any doubt about it. I know it sounds nuts to most people but I think there would be less broken hearts, jaded and bitter people if people just dealt with their feelings and let that person know how they felt. If I don't do this I will regret it for the rest of my life. I can't have that esp when it feels so right. He needs to see how I really feel and know that he can't just run from all of this. He needs to know I believe in him and us and that I support him and that all his fears are ones he doesn't need to have.

Why is this so hard for people to grasp?

Have you ever loved someone this much? Wouldn't you do anything to help that person? Letting him run just lets him continue to run from his personal fears and I don't want him to run anymore. I want him to know he doesn't have to.

I saw a thread on unconditional love and that is how I feel about him. It's a love I never felt for another and with all that has happened I should hate him but I just can't. I love him even after all of this. I will fight for him and hope for the best like I feel it will be.

IMO love is an illusion of the mind ,, a chemical reaction in the brain telling another part of the brain to care ... how do i know this ? Surley you say it has to be more then that . A deep soul mate for life connection that can't be broken ?

Bob and Mary were married for 50 years , they loved each other dearly , never cheated on each other , and love each other till the day they died. One day bob fell down the stairs hit his head real had and disturbed some neurons in his brain and lost his memory . Mary would take care of him everyday but still Bob would not know who she was nor all the experinces 50 years of "love" had brought them . Now if Love can't overcome a simple biological function of the brain . Then how powerful is it really ? Its what it always was....just an illusion of emotions in the brain communicating with another part of the brain to care . Why put so much heart and soul into such an illusion ? because it taste good ? like drugs which give off dopamine in the brain ? or like sex that does the same thing ? or even really good food and your favoirte music . All activities in producing this feel good chemical the brain releases.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Be careful.

Love breaks hearts and heals them. I hope for you it heals yours and his.

RB

I can't comment on love because that hasn't happened to me yet
However I wish there were more people like you.
I hope things work out for you

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I have loved enough and have been loved enough and have been on both sides of the fence.
In my experiences I have left all behind and have been left behind.

The moral of the story is that for me there are 2 things you never chase.....buses and people because you will be left behind.

Do what you need to do....just giving my 2cents.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I am the total opposite of you and your opinion and glad. Alone and just need the company of a doggy or something, no companion.

People who do not feel love should be glad, and i am one of them that never will.

You need to understand not everyone wants what you want.

Well OP I think your awesome best of luck!
, wow I never knew how many lonely sad people frequent this site(not you OP)...figures

reply to post by mblahnikluver




I'm guessing with this and your other thread about the same thing, that you're going through a pretty rough time at the moment... relationships do that to you.

I see what you're saying about fighting for love.... but you could also say that if you HAVE to fight so hard for it... then is it worth it? Is it what you think it is?

They say the course of true love is never easy, but also should it be so hard?


You just have to ask yourself is it worth it..... is it worth the pain and suffering and turmoil you're going through... does the other person feel the same way, is he as upset and in love as you are?

If the answer is yes to these questions then go for it...

If it's no.. then save yourself some heartbreak and emotional stress and take sometime for yourself to figure stuff out.... get yourself straight and then move on.


Good luck anyway.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Fight for him! ... it's not crazy!

Nobody is gonna understand your feelings and just how much this man and being with him means to you, so you have to just go with your gut! and if he really means that much to you then fight! forget what everyone else says and make your own path!

I'm not a fighter, but I know there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do to fight for my woman! I would cross the galaxy if it was humanly possible just to look into her eyes and tell her that I Love Her!

... Just know when it's time to stop!

Yes it IS crazy - there's a specific term for it even - STALKING.

The guy doesn't want you and you need to QUIT THIS before you wind up in prison.

I strongly urge you to seek counseling.

I hate to be harsh MB, but you need a serious reality check.

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
I recently had my world tossed upside down by the man I love

...i really wish you would talk to someone that loves you enough to be honest with you about this unhealthy obsession you have with this man that doesnt want you...

...in another thread you said you were not going to nag him or go to italy and confront him in person but now you are and you've got tons of excuses and justifications...

...consider the possibility that if you continue to push yourself on him, he could file stalking charges against you... the fact that you're traveling to a far away country to feed your obsession is going to look real bad if he does file charges...your numerous previous threads could be perceived as you denigrating him but, more importantly, they could prove you're not well...

www.italymag.co.uk...

Among the anti-stalking measures introduced are prison terms of between six months and four years for repeated threats or harassment.

Two questions come to my mind.


Does your ex know you are getting on a plane to come see him?

Does your ex want you to get on a plane to come see him?

Originally posted by Whiffer Nippets
Yes it IS crazy - there's a specific term for it even - STALKING.

The guy doesn't want you and you need to QUIT THIS before you wind up in prison.

How and Why so... Stalking?

I haven't read anything along the lines of driving overnight cross-country with urine-stained Depends on.

... nor anything even remotely close to standing in the shadows outside one's work, home, etc... just to get a glance or glimmer into their whereabouts.

What i Have read is more along the lines of someone who found what they felt to be Their true love, which was appreciated and reciprocal to the point of Many times, days, hours and ventures spent Together ... enjoying each other's company - all the while.

... with the end-result/current situation being that "he", due to having been crapped on enough in the past when things got That 'close', feeling the 'need' to step away ... just in case, mind you.
(fearful that This time would end just the same as time and time again in the past had.

Stuff happens. People become 'jaded' due to past experience(s), especially when it comes to long-standing, what they thought were well-established, thought to be rock-solid 'relationships.... acting, OR Reacting out of instinct with regards protective and self-preservation 'modes' .... as opposed to seeing/realizing 'this time is different'.

Many a perpetual bachelor and bachelorette have been 'borne' from those exact same circumstances - fear of being hurt but once again, can't 'trust' enough to take that umpteenth chance.
Sad, but it happens ... with Many potentially life-long and rewarding relationships having fallen by the wayside as a result.

Me?
I 'fought for', if you will, but only in the same sense as here - persevered - 23 years ago ... and we're still going strong today.

We're kind of like each other's 'worse critic', 'best friend', 'confidante' ... toss in healthy doses of extreme sarcasm, coupled with the ability to laugh At and With each other. and we're Golden ... after All these years.

It was a somewhat similar situation, where one was 'unsure' yet all the while 'smitten', with individual and/or personal reservations due to age, past experiences, etc.

Just talked it out. Worked it out ... have been doing the same All The Way throughout ... Still do, even.
*and what a long strange trip it's been*

I strongly urge you to seek counseling.

I hate to be harsh MB, but you need a serious reality check.

"strongly urge you to seek counseling.", "you need a serious reality check" ...


ASSume much?
:shk:

Honestly!? ...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

missed the part about, 'just going there'

probably not a good thing to do at this point, 'just showing up'


*mustard seeds*

Is this fighting for love? or is this fighting to hold onto a relationship that isn't meant to be? Only you can answer this and If traveling overseas to confront this man is what it takes for closure (in whatever form that "closure" is meant to take) then that is what you must do, but Remember - Love and Relationships are two-way streets and both people must not only want to fight for love, but also want to fight for the relationship. If both do not, it will not work and at some point, that must be accepted.

reply to post by Annie Mossity


She said she planned to get on a plane and go halfway across the world to "confront" the guy.

And I know ALL ABOUT stalking from having been the victim of it. From that, I read and researched everything I could get my hands on.

"Fighting for someone you love" means maybe taking an extra job to help them out, or similar things - which they would welcome.

If a person told you they are NOT interested, or NO LONGER interested - then you are "fighting for" something YOU want - not "love".

I really don't mean to be harsh here, especially toward MB because I *do* feel very badly for her, I really do - but having read through this entire saga I have become concerned for her mental state. NO PERSON is worth getting yourself so bent out of shape over. She is, IMO, already harming herself with fantastical ideology - and things could escalate to where she finds herself in a position of serious problems.

People really DO NEED some good comprehensive education on "stalking". Let's start RIGHT NOW!
Stalking - Wikipedia

From the linked article above -

Most of the time, the purpose of stalking is to attempt to force a relationship with someone who is unwilling or otherwise unavailable.

MB, I really DO hope you will feel better about all this. Which is why I suggested counseling. Not that I think there is necessarily anything "wrong" with you - well there IS - because you are so very unhappy. I have suggested this *for you*, so that you can feel better and maybe gain a different perspective.

I wish you sincere peace and happiness, I really do.

Originally posted by Whiffer Nippets
Yes it IS crazy - there's a specific term for it even - STALKING.

The guy doesn't want you and you need to QUIT THIS before you wind up in prison.

I strongly urge you to seek counseling.

I hate to be harsh MB, but you need a serious reality check.

LOL um wow no it's not stalking in any way.

Stalking entails much more than going to see someone and talk to them face to face.

I guess you have never felt love or had someone special in your life.

Nobody will understand why I choose to do this, believe me I have never done anything like this in my life but it feels right.

I told him I was going to be there next month and he didn't say not to so he knows I will be there at some point.

We have to have a face to face and well that means I have to go to europe which is fine. If he was here I would go there as well. It's something I don't expect people to really understand and honestly I really don't care what people say. I just think and feel that he is worth it. We are worth it and I don't need counseling, seems half the bitter closed off people on here need to have counseling to work through their issues.

If I don't go I will never know and I don't like to live with regret and wondering what if. I go and one of two things can happen and well I am ready for either or but it's something I feel I have to do.

To you it's crazy and to others who have never really felt the way I do..believe me I had a friend do something similar and I thought it was a little crazy but it was her choice and I stood by her. It didn't turn out bad, it worked out for them both..not saying their situation is the same but she did just up and fly to the west coast on a whim to get her bf back. He ran too...seems it's a guys thing to do, run from their feelings. Like I said we had a great relationship and I understand how he feels and what he is going through and I want him to know I am here for him. I know him and nobody else does like I do. If I thought it would be an issue with me going there I wouldn't go but it's not so I am. His family even knows I am going. I wanted to go right after everything happened but his mother said to wait and give him time then go. So I will go and I have my best friend going for moral support as well. Either way I will get the answers I need and get to hang with my best friend in Europe, so not bad I must say.

reply to post by Annie Mossity


Awe that is a wonderful story and I am glad you two worked out and are happy.

Yes my situation is like you said. He has been so burned and is jadded and bitter because of his past and I completely understand. He said I am everything he ever wanted and it scares him. He said this a couple times and well I honestly can't blame him. I have been there but he is my other half. We have a great time together, he is like my best friend only male version He can call me out on things and put me in my place and vice versa. We had a very caring relationship and I was worried that me being there for so long would get him a little worried and spooked. I had it in the back of my mind but it wasn't something I wanted to dwell on. I know how he feels and well he needs to see that I am for real and not someone who will hurt him. I have never felt this way for anyone ever. It is a nice feeling.

I kind of have to go there. He can't come here because of work. I will let him know my information and where I will be staying and he and I can meet and talk. I love him very much and it's not like a stalker thing like the other poster said, it's a situation that needs to be resolved and we need to talk it through. We were both too afraid to say certain things because of our fears and we probably should have. I kept things in as did he. We need to either work through it or I need closure at least. I looked for my entire adult dating life for someone like him and I won't give up that easily and just say "ok fine I will just move on," I need to take a chance. If I don't do it I will regret it for the rest of my life. Something is urging me to go there and I have actually been quite calm over all this since I decided to do it. I am sure it will be hard until we talk but it will be nice to see his smile and look into his eyes. He is worth all of it. It's hard to explain how he thinks but I get him and me going there proves a few things to him that he needs to see. So I will hope for the best and go with my instinct and that is, it will work out in the end.

Thanks for your post. It was really sweet and it actually brought tears to my eyes to see people who have had this sort of situation happen and still work through it. It is my belief that when you truly love someone you are there for them through the good and the bad and well this is a bad time and I am still by his side even though Im not physically

reply to post by Wyn Hawks


IT IS NOT STALKING!!

My god you people need to learn what stalking is!!!!

I am allowed to go ANYWHERE I want to go, he doesn't own Italy or Europe. I am allowed to go there.

Please learn what stalking is before making assumptions about something you obviously know nothing about.

I haven't even spoken to him in over a week. I told him I would let him be til next month and then I would come for a few days. It's NOT stalking. My god people get a grip. Not everything is the worse.

You people act like I have been following him around and calling and everything and it's nothing even like that. It makes me laugh that you people think it's stalking..lol WOW!

Get a grip!

reply to post by mblahnikluver


Reading your replies to other posters it sounds like you've already made up your mind ... so I'm not sure why you asked in the first place really

Reading this I get the feeling you will end up even more hurt ... I don't feel this is going to get fixed ... sometimes we have to realize when something is done ... yes I have been in love ... and yes it was me who told him to leave because it was not fully recipricated ... so I do know what it's like.

You said in your OP that he got scared ... if you just turn up unannounced that might freak him out even more don't you think ?

Woody

If someone says NO - and you keep it up - it IS harassment. Call it stalking, call it harassment, call it whatever you want to - but unwelcome attention is unwelcome attention and if the person gets pissed and contacts authorities - it WILL be labeled as stalking and you'll have a whole mess of problems on your hands.

Yes, I know stalking behavior very well. I have been stalked by THREE men. And no, there is no exaggeration here.

Following me around, calling me at all hours, threatening to kill me, and my family and friends, and themselves - yep - STALKING. Of the hardcore variety.

And SO IS pestering people by phone and email or showing up in person when they were clearly told to STOP. When they told you that they are NO LONGER INTERESTED - you need to QUIT unless you want to wind up with serious legal problems.

Why do you think the "do not call" registry exists? Why do you think there are laws to keep bill collectors at bay?

WHY can people understand harassment from *these* angles - but not from a personal angle?

MB - if your EX boyfriend TOLD YOU that he is NO LONGER INTERESTED - for WHATEVER reason - you need to QUIT contacting him or you will be bringing serious trouble upon yourself.

I am trying to HELP YOU HERE - you need to face reality.

What you see as "romance" and "soul mates" and "fighting for the one YOU love" - the legal and psychological communities view as STALKING.

If nothing else - go run all this by a shrink - just for laughs - to see what they say.

You know what's another very bad sign? All the people here who have told you to give up and move on - yet you choose not to 'hear' them and in fact argue against them. And at the same time keep hanging on to your romantic illusions and the conviction that YOU are right and everyone else is wrong.

This is a BAD SIGN MB, it really is. You are FIXATED ON your illusions and what YOU want and you are clearly unwilling to listen to ANY other points of view.

This is a VERY bad sign and again - I do URGE YOU to seek counseling.

I am only saying these things because I CARE. I do not mean to "dis" you in any way shape or form. I do sincerely care about you. If I did not, I'd not bother to write this.

You really DO need to try to see this whole thing from another angle.

A suggestion that might be fairly easy to do - write up this whole story on the "psychology" forum here - see what the readers of that forum have to say.

I wish you Peace I really do.