Long night of trying to sleep and mulling over conversations I had with friends who heard the show. My friend Lucy insists something that has kind of
settled in on me as an interesting notion, but to embrace it would mean dealing with something that she's been adamant about since the day we met,
and it's something that I don't believe to be true. Still, because of how spectacularly inaccurate the medium was with my reading last night, I
feel as if it wouldn't be fair for me to not offer it as a possible explanation on her behalf. After all, I'm assuming that this woman has made a
living as a medium, and that means that she's no rookie at doing the on-air cold-call thing.
The level of specificity in her reading, and how confident she was in it - while being so unbelievably wrong - was startling, and Lucy made that point
to me again and again last night when we talked. Lucy has this belief that I've got something bizarre about me that she insists that I refuse to deal
with. She points out very specific instances where my anger at people has caused them intense physical and circumstantial harm. One guy I clashed with
actually died from a grand mal seizure, with no history of epilepsy at age 40 - which, from what I understand, is very rare (to acquire epilepsy at
that age or to die from a grand mal seizure as your first seizure). She actually believes that the activity I'm experiencing is being caused by my
refusal to accept the fact that my Rhonda is dead and gone forever. The following is what she thinks might've happened last night on the show.
She insists that the woman's description of the guy with the light/medium brown hair with the leather jacket was her seeing me, projecting myself to
her as a way of using her to tell myself that I'm the cause of this paranormal activity. Her reasoning is that (and I have to agree with her) the
only leather jacket wearing guy I know is me. My hair (before I recently decided to go for a shaved head look) is/was light/medium brown, and the
gesture that the medium described the guy performing - the wiggling of his fingers to indicate himself to be "someone good with his hands, perhaps a
musician or artist" is a gesture that I used to make when someone asked me what I did for a living (a performing musician and singer - a guitarist).
Here are a couple links to verify what I'm referring to...
A promo photo from the late spring of 2009, just before I "retired" from live shows.
The Myspace page I had for that act (it's still up because I'm lazy about cleaning up my messes). Note that the last gig was Memorial Day weekend
2009. We buried Rhonda the following Saturday in my hometown, where I ran into an old pal (convicted coc aine smuggler I played guitar for back
in the 1980s) who convinced me to write a true account of those years, which ended my professional playing for good. The book is called Black Flies
in the Backyard With Snowshoes and is selling pretty good actually. The guy knows a lot of people who know a lot of people. That stretch of his life
has a lot of fans.
Lucy believes that the "chest injury" that the medium was referring to was ...well...she thinks it's a broken heart over what happened to Rhonda
and the fact that I wasn't there to protect her during that six terrible years leading up to her murder. I don't know, but I did want to offer it
as a possible explanation.
Rhonda's son, Ryan, was a great kid, and I've known him his whole life. In 1998 I moved the two of them from one place to another, and he thought we
were all going to finally be a family. She and I weren't going to be that kind of couple, but a 17 yr old doesn't think in nuances like that. He
quit school and went to live with his dad after that week, and we were pretty sure it was because he was pissed at us for not finally pairing up. I
never saw him again, and never knew about his illness. I've lived over 800 miles from that area since that summer. So yeah, I could see a broken
heart here. I know I could've done a better job at handling Ryan that the guy she ended up with did. At least I wouldn't have been scared of him
like Billy was. I'm a lot bigger than Billy, and Ryan wanted me to be his dad. That probably would've made a difference. Lucy sees that part of the
reading as being my spirit telling her to tell me that this is why I'm causing the disturbances in my home. That I can't face the heartache, so I'm
manifesting it all myself and attributing it to Rhonda to keep her alive.
I don't know if the medium lady just chunked the reading completely, or if Lucy is right and she was seeing my own spirit when she did the reading. I
just thought I'd offer it as a potential explanation since - as Lucy insists - the woman certainly hasn't been making a living by being that wrong
on-air with live calls. besides, Lucy thinks I'm a psychic freakshow, so who knows, maybe I am and don't even know it. I don't know anything. It
sure wouldn't be the first time that someone accused me of being bizarre like that. It's a go-to for several people I know whenever they're trying
to figure me out.