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Jenny Craig Lent

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posted on Jul, 11 2004 @ 12:34 AM
Jenny Craig Lent

For all of you Catholics out there, here’s a treat. I’m not Catholic, but my parents like to pretend I am by sending me to…you know it…CCE, or for you non-Catholic-abbreviation-savvy readers, Sunday School. So it’s halfway through the year, lent is on its way. Hip hip hooray! Everybody knows what lent is, right? If not, basically it’s a time where we “celebrate,” (Catholic style, which usually involves a lot of depression) the 40 days and 40 nights where Jesus ran off into the wilderness before he got thrown up on the cross. So to, ahem, “celebrate,” you’ve got to sacrifice something, usually a favorite food or a bad habit or whatever, it doesn’t matter seeing how no one really sticks with it anyways and only does it for the free Fish Fry food on Friday nights at the church.
So back to my story….
So there’s this chick, who’s been giving me # the whole damn year because I’m friends with the kid who knows all the answers, the hot kid, and the freak kid who scares people because he’ll bite them without warning. Yeah, she was jealous as #. Well, our teacher starts talking about lent and she bursts out yet another mindless and moronic question, “What’s Lent?!”
The whole year…the whole year she had been asking these questions. Questions that, if you are Catholic, you DON’T ask because you just know. And the whole year I had been withholding my smartass remarks.
So the teacher tells her “Oh you know, the time when Jesus blah blah blah blah blah…” And then he told her, “So you give up something, usually a favorite food or-“

Then…it came…

“Oh! So Lent is like, a weight loss thing?”

…Yes, the voice you imagined saying that last phrase that sounded strikingly like a line from Clueless is an exact copy of this girl. Oooooo that girl……I had been pushed too far….I couldn’t hold it in…I tried to…but it was just…too…

“Oh yeah, see, the Catholic Church doesn’t really exist. It’s just some big conspiracy run by Jenny Craig and 24 Hour Fitness.”

Too far.

I don’t know what she gave up for Lent, I don’t know if she remembered what Lent was by the time it rolled around, but I do know what I gave up and what I asked forgiveness for.

I gave up Hershey Kisses and I asked forgiveness for not catching that chick’s expression on tape.

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