It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

How do you befriend people that don't have a common interest with you?

page: 1
2

log in

join
share:

posted on Jan, 17 2011 @ 08:08 PM
link   
I had a falling out with a girl that I hoped that I could be friends with last semester and we ran out of things to talk about because we couldn't find a common ground with each of us. Our politics were different... we had a different personality from each other (I am more of an intellectual, hard to please person, and she is really easy to please.

I think the problem with the relationship was that we ran out of things to talk about. I made one final push to try to "save the friendship" so to say, but I kind of made the mistake about trying to go about getting to know her around her friends, as opposed to on a one on one individual level, so she only thought that we were getting along because of that, as opposed to whatever individual personality characteristics I possess.

I know I've had problems with friends last semester and with some girls... but I'm trying to do things a bit differently this semester. What I've found is that having a common interest with someone else really helps the friendship. So, you don't just have to talk about small-talk, in order to move the conversation along. Like I have one friend who really likes politics, so we get along fine, I have another friend who likes anime and shows I like, so that helps a lot with her... I know a girl that likes to read, and I like to read as well, so like we kind of have a similar interest, I am friends with another girl who likes baseball, and like we are able to talk about other things as well... and I know one guy that I can talk to about movies and books. So, it really helps having a common interest with someone else. It's made certain relationships that I've had much easier.

My problem lies with other people who might just want to be around me or get to know me because I'm nice. I've been around these people before, but, if I don't have some common interest with the other person my relationship or friendship with them seems to fall apart. I've been seeking out people more with a common interest this jan-term semester, and I find that it really helps. I've also found a group of people that I hang out with that seem to have similar styles of humor/similar personalities to me, so like we naturally get along with each other even though I've only known them for like 2 weeks.

But, my problem lies with these other people. I don't know what to do if I'm in a situation where someone else doesn't have the same interests as I do, or some similar interests that I do. What I like to do now is to try to find some common ground so I can have something to talk about... but like I don't want to be in the same position where I was last semester, where I talked to some people, and we ended up running out of things to talk about.

Can anyone help me? I just want to know what to so if I attempt to befriend other people like the girl that was previously in question, that I won't make the same mistake. Like this semester I've been more successful at making friends... but I fear I might make the same mistake, so to say in the future.
edit on 17-1-2011 by Frankidealist35 because: (no reason given)




posted on Jan, 17 2011 @ 08:33 PM
link   
There's always something to talk about with another person, the question is to find the key to open an entire conversation, it´s easy, at least what you need is to watch the other person and by the way he or she talks and the things she o he say´s you will easily understand what is in her or his head, its too simple: most of the times what we have in our head is what comes out from our lips, sometimes we don´t notice about it and once you´ve heard him and once that you know what is the matter of interest for this person, you can start a dialogue.

It depends obviously in what is what you´re looking at that person, because friendship is made in a little different way than a relationship.

pal, don't worry if you don´t find inmediatly something interesting in one person or something in common, there are millions and millions of people out there with the same expectatives as you, and im pretty sure that you´ll meet thousands.

hope I helped in some way.
Yiv.



posted on Jan, 17 2011 @ 08:41 PM
link   
reply to post by YivGaundumbaff
 


I can do conversations pretty easily. The problem is that if I'm talking to someone about something I don't care about I get bored pretty easily. So that's why it's so much easier for me to talk to someone when I have a common ground with them... I know about being a good conversationalist, but should I just feign interest until something I find interesting is discussed? How should I cope with a conversation I find boring?

I don't like friendships/relationships getting ruined because I haven't found anything interesting to me in the other person. And like I said, I'm kind of hard to please... and I tend to exhaust small talk pretty easily, and when I talk to other people sometimes I feel like I just blow right through the conversation and we don't have anything to talk about after that (if nothing happens for a while), if you know what I mean. Sometimes I'll talk a lot to someone else and then I won't find anything in common with them... and this happens for a while, and then the acquaintanship/friendship/relationship comes to a dead end.
edit on 17-1-2011 by Frankidealist35 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 17 2011 @ 08:52 PM
link   
The saying "You can only count your true friends on one hand" is oh so true. Once you establish these few true friend then the rest just become acquaintances. You can't befriend them all. To many different types of people exist.



posted on Jan, 18 2011 @ 08:41 AM
link   
reply to post by Frankidealist35
 


Something tells me you want to be more than "just friends" with this girl, or it wouldn't be so frustrating.
Opposites attract, or so the saying goes.

If you aren't being honest with yourself and what you want, she's probably picking up on that...and it's giving her a weird vibe. It may already be too late, but one never knows until they try...and that's all you can really do. If it isn't meant to be then, there are plenty of other gals out there, believe it or not.



posted on Jan, 18 2011 @ 09:43 AM
link   
reply to post by Gazrok
 


Hey! It's like I said. The two of us had a falling out. We aren't friends anymore. I've moved on from it. I don't really see the need to still be so focused on the past. Either she will see me for who I am and like me for it or she won't. She didn't like me. But I know other girls out there will... so it's not like it's worth fighting for, or getting depressed over.



posted on Jan, 18 2011 @ 02:02 PM
link   
reply to post by Frankidealist35
 


Glad to hear it...

Seems to be the right attitude....



posted on Jan, 18 2011 @ 08:23 PM
link   
reply to post by Gazrok
 


It really is. It's not worth getting hung over rejections like I used to. So, some people don't accept you. That doesn't mean everyone won't. I am way over the rejection stage that I was feeling a while earlier. You've probably noticed in my earlier posts about failing relationships that I took it really personally. Right?

Well, that was because at the time I didn't have a proper social support system at my college quite yet. I didn't have friends that I liked being around or hanging around with that I could completely trust. Now that I have more friends than I used to that I actually like being around, these things that happened in the past don't really seem like much of anything to me. Rejection matters a lot more to you when you don't have many people who will understand you or turn to you. Now that I have more friends, it's easier to just put it beside me.

edit on 18-1-2011 by Frankidealist35 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 18 2011 @ 09:06 PM
link   
reply to post by Frankidealist35
 


I personally think having friends who you have too much in common with can get boring. You both know the same music, same movies, style, culture all seems rather boring in finding friends. Go into it with an open mind, learn something new, meet someone knew. You could end up finding something similar even if its not usual stuff.



posted on Jan, 18 2011 @ 09:19 PM
link   
reply to post by noobgal
 


I used to think about it like that... like what would the point in me going to these other people who have similar interests that I do? I already know about it anyways, but in reality I find that people as individuals are really unique and everyone has their own point of view about things, and while you might think that you have an understanding or mastery of a certain subject, someone else might have a different way of looking at it. So given that, it opens you up to different perspectives, and different ways of looking at things and they might even have explored the subject more deeply than you have, teaching you more things in the process.



posted on Jan, 18 2011 @ 09:26 PM
link   
reply to post by Frankidealist35
 


That's a way of seeing it but sooner or later you stop liking the things you like right? You might not have the same music taste you had 2 years ago, right? and it was or could have been because you met a friend who had a different taste in music or maybe you just bumped on to it on your own but anyways knowing something 20 different ways just makes it too known and ordinary and Well I'd get bored.



posted on Jan, 18 2011 @ 10:00 PM
link   
reply to post by noobgal
 


I can see what you're saying but I get along with the friends that I have currently not only because we share similar interests but also because we have a similar personality. I am more of myself around my friends and I feel that my current social group accepts me for who I am. I think that's what counts. As long as you're accepted. Right?
edit on 18-1-2011 by Frankidealist35 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 18 2011 @ 10:11 PM
link   
reply to post by Frankidealist35
 


Yeah, Best friend & Boyfriend do not go to school with me and ALSO I started a whole new school rather than my usual comfort zone of a private school and I was able to meet people who clearly liked me for who I was as a person rather than what I like because I'm quite different from them. but also high school is shallow and maybe they only acknowledge me because how I look. whatever One more semester.



posted on Jan, 18 2011 @ 10:25 PM
link   
I just talk to people when I meet them. People are not that hard to talk to guys



posted on Jan, 26 2011 @ 03:14 AM
link   
You can't be friends with someone without any common ground. Even acquaintances have a common bond. Once the common bond is formed, build upon the foundation. True Friendship doesn't come overnight. Bonds take time to build. Be real in your attempt to build a friendship. If the other person denies your friendship, don't dwell on it. They were not a true friend.



new topics

top topics



 
2

log in

join