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Diary of a Madman - An Insight Into Insanity

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posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 01:27 PM
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reply to post by simone50m
 


Oh absolutely. Right after I wrote the other thing I thought - well - there's a whole host of sim professions that encounter shocking and stress producing things.

Sounds like a horrible experience you had. Yikes.

peace ~




posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 02:43 PM
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You have courage, intelligence, humor and so far as I can tell integrity. These are the characteristics that define you. Our system has and does fail those who need it most. Addtionally I do not agree with current Psychology's attitude that you can fix anything by throwing a pill at it. Thanks for the timely post and for sharing.



posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 04:47 PM
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reply to post by Iamschist
 


Thank you for your kind words!

It has been my experience, in working with troubled and mentally ill people, that the majority of them are very caring people. I realize this seems contrary - especially with those prone to violence. But I honestly think that some people feel so much empathy that they kind of short circuit because of the amount of "psychic" pain they feel simply by observing the world around them.

Caring too much is a dangerous thing.

~Heff



posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 04:49 PM
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reply to post by Hefficide
 


Not for everyone, i have been passive all my life and look what i found out, and i did nothing. Look at my posts and see what i write about, and you know what people will say about me, but i have never done anything, and its something that people do not like.

I am just saying do not think everyone is like you assume.



posted on Jan, 15 2011 @ 09:14 PM
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Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by Iamschist
 


Thank you for your kind words!

It has been my experience, in working with troubled and mentally ill people, that the majority of them are very caring people. I realize this seems contrary - especially with those prone to violence. But I honestly think that some people feel so much empathy that they kind of short circuit because of the amount of "psychic" pain they feel simply by observing the world around them.

Caring too much is a dangerous thing.

~Heff


Oh you got that right, caring is too much a dangerous thing. Ever since I retired on disability back in 2003, I just stay in my little domecile with my 2 cats. I mean, I am close to my (close-knit) family, one surviving parent and all surviving siblings, and I live near them, but outside of holiday gatherings, or an occasional gathering, I stay in my abode with my 2 cats. I arise, eat, feed my cats, loiter in ATS while listening to a fave TV or radio show, eat, feed my cats (all the necessary tyding stuff in between,) then we all go nightnight and repeat, the next and next and next day. The last straw with me that pushed me totally inward, was during my inpatient stay in a VA hospital, and this fellow Veteran, took a liking to me, and I finally had to tell him clearly, that I only liked him as a buddy. He left the grounds and committed suicide. It broke my heart because I loved him as my friend. I remember when I was in my 30's, --even though-- I was working all kinds of crazy hours for my security guard companies, I would go flying off to different states to attend Ufo conferences, as I had been into the Ufo phenomenon subject since the late '70's. But now that I no longer slave away for anyone (except my cats) I am as holed-up as a paranoid survivalist. Well, I am -not- paranoid at all, and am not a survivalist. I fantasy that I go to conferences again, I -certainly- can afford it. Am I depressed? I don't feel depressed.



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 01:29 AM
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'Reading replies here made me realize I have something to add...

Before I'll start I have to say that I'm just a normal guy that never really knew any war or violence.

I've had a period of my life where I suffered from unexplainable complaints and symptoms, I experienced what seem to me like heart attacks or something. After a kinds of tests nothing was found.

One day a little while after the original tests and after my issue showed up, I payed a doctors visit for for some allergic response I've developed against who knows what... My Doc said I've been thinking about your complaints ( after the whole thing by himself ) I think there is a pretty good possibility you suffered from panic attacks.
Of course I told him that this just was not possible and that I was Mr. relaxed himself.

Back home I realized that he was right. There was a big stress factor around that period for me an when that factor disappeared, so did my symptoms...

I really was impressed by my Doc. and I started wondering how the hell I could get panic attacks, since my life was peaceful and secure.

I do have a colorful past though.

My parents divorced ( I was 6 years old ) and my mother married a guy who I didn't like and even till today we don't fit through the same door together. It has been 22 years already.
My dad remarried and I got two step brothers. I lived with my dad at first but do to my brothers their behavior My dad decided I needed to go back to my mother. I was joining them in their illegal activities. My dad effectively made that stop. After that I didn't see him for about a decade.
Where I wanted to live with my dad, my little brother stayed with my mom. I was 8 and he was six when he died from a illness he was born with. One of my other brothers also died. He broke his neck during a drunk and drive accident.

I guess that this could be a reason for me to have developed panic attacks I don't know.

What I do know is that my Doc. really has his best interests for his patients. I did talk to shrinks when I was still a child but I've never seen one after that.

I don't want to suggest that my experience are anywhere near as severe as the hell some of you had to go through.
I did think it could be a little relevant on topic.

For an open and taboo free society...



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 07:38 AM
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reply to post by alysha.angel
 


I feel your pain dude or dudette. Except my situation was kinda different. My parents thought that I did drugs cuz I almost always came home after 6pm - oh and I had 'emo' hair back then. My parents were far from the nurturing family members that they should be lol. My father was a control-freak and pretty much wanted to dictate almost all of what I should do in school and my mum kinda "caught" his aggressiveness. Be good, or else. Study hard, or else. Get high marks so that you can get to university, or else. Etcetera.
Long story short.

My parents' "mental health" is better now (2 years away from them with my relatives, I don't know how they did it
) and my mental health is better too. Even though I never had any kind of illness. Oh but I was sick alright. Sick and tired of my parents poor use of language around me and my little brothers, them always fighting and so on. So yeah, glad that I didn't have to resort to a shrink (no offence
). Apparently all they do is talk with you about your problems and make you think of blaming yourself as well for your problems.

So just keep moving through life, its too short to be worrying about the past. It already happened. Took me a while to figure that out, and I'm still 16!


PS. Sorry about losing your daughter, I hope you get her back!

PPS/PSS. Have you tried self-help books? They helped me get through the last 3-5 years of my life without thinking of suicide. I recommend "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle

Peace



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 08:32 AM
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reply to post by Hefficide
 


Heff, S&F for a courageous post...God bless you.

Your post should be read by every MSM type that so often want to dismiss everything as "system related". Like you say...WHAT SYSTEM??? It is just an easy way to pass the buck to someone else and start the blame game. It is a cheap way to avoid reality and make themselves feel all fuzzy and good that they "addressed the problem", when in fact, they did nothing!

This nation is in such a screwed-up mess, I doubt anything will be done to resolve your or other's problems, unfortunately. Wish I could advise you otherwise.

In reality, if most of the ATS'ers here were to go to a shrink we'd probably be classified with some sort of "mental illness". Isn't it interesting that those who are in power many times practice all sorts of addictions and sexual deviancy, etc. and they are considered "normal". What is "normal" anyhow. Seems to me that before we can identify a mentally ill person, they should have to ID a "normal" person as a guide. But, it seems we all are ill to some degree or another according to the shrinks. My observation is that many times the Psyco-Docs are pretty screwed-up as well.

Hang in their Heff. Sounds to me like you have a pretty firm grasp of reality...which gives you one-up on most the rest of us.

.............
..............



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 08:40 AM
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reply to post by Hefficide
 


Wow....

Thanks for your openess and courage.




posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 10:37 AM
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Originally posted by Hefficide

For the sake of this dialogue we can just narrow it down to the most basic of terms. I have massive panic attacks, insomnia, nightmares, and a predisposition towards being a bit negative and self-defeatist.
...
...
...


Heff, thanks for being honest mate and I would like to say I can relate to some of what have experienced.

I have mild autism, and I suffer from what has been described as a bi-polar disorder so I have gone through my share of problems and experiences as well.

I was advised to do a number of things, including getting on antidepressants but thankfully something inside me wanted to prove I was okay and I didn't need chemicals to tell me how I should be feeling.

I learned to recognise the traits of my symptoms and just dealt with them on a daily basis - sure I have my bad days, sometimes those days seem a lost cause and I have no faith in humanity but I always remember tomorrow another day and I get back up on my feet and fight.

You have presented a well written and articulate thread which proves to me (at least) that you are of a sound and intelligent mind.

In the real world I am not always very sociable sometimes, have trouble communicating my thoughts clearly (verbally) but when I am writing I tend to express my thoughts properly as my voice is on the inside (like many autistic people).

I believe you are empathic in some sense and maybe the influx of so many emotions is a trigger for you symptoms (certainly is for me sometimes), internalising a lot of information that takes time to deal with and when combined with any underlying questions you have - these manifest as issues you can't address properly.

There is a major lack of understanding in this field and it doesn't help when you the dogma of the medical field overshadowing the whole area, not finding a solution but quick to get another Pharma product out the door as an easy solution.

Medication only masks the problem, it doesn't actually address it and unfortunately, unless a psychiatrist is very experienced with a broad range of people OR has experienced similar issues themselves they cannot help (that would probably work better, to have someone you can relate to and not just have talk at you telling you what is wrong with you because you don't know what is wrong...hmm).

You seemed to have grown out of your experiences and that seems evident from your thread so I commend you.

Good health and success to you my friend!

edit on 16-1-2011 by old_god because: typo
edit on 16-1-2011 by old_god because: hmm font size acting srtange



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 11:18 AM
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Originally posted by romanmel
reply to post by Hefficide
 

Isn't it interesting that those who are in power many times practice all sorts of addictions and sexual deviancy, etc. and they are considered "normal". What is "normal" anyhow.


Yeah, anyone here ever been innitiated into Skull And Bones or participated in the burning of the child effigy at Bohemian Grove? I'd say, most likely not!



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 11:23 AM
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old_god says:

[
In the real world I am not always very sociable sometimes, have trouble communicating my thoughts clearly (verbally) but when I am writing I tend to express my thoughts properly as my voice is on the inside (like many autistic people).




This is right on.
edit on 16-1-2011 by simone50m because: (no reason given)


Ex

posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 12:07 PM
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In reality, if most of the ATS'ers here were to go to a shrink we'd probably be classified with some sort of "mental illness". Isn't it interesting that those who are in power many times practice all sorts of addictions and sexual deviancy, etc. and they are considered "normal". What is "normal" anyhow. Seems to me that before we can identify a mentally ill person, they should have to ID a "normal" person as a guide. But, it seems we all are ill to some degree or another according to the shrinks. My observation is that many times the Psyco-Docs are pretty screwed-up as well.
reply to post by romanmel
 

I so agree. As stated by Heff in the orginal post also, was the fact that we see people
who are desperatly in need of help everyday.
Yet, I wouldn't know where to even start to lend a hand.

Star & Flag Heff , for a magnificent thread. I too, bow in respect for your cander , my friend!!



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 12:07 PM
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Very good,to bad nobody will listen and as the population grow's and unstable people are manufactured daily, the problem will just grow exponentialy...............I know, how rude! but it is a fact and we as human's have ignored the fact's for ever.Untell we as a spicies stop self medicating with power,control and greed and see the human race for the fragile spicies we are we will no doubt get a lot worse at being a spicies then we have.

This is who and what we are,without the will to change.What's really sad is we write,make movie's and educate people about this human problem,we talk about it tell we are blue in the face on these website's and still................................nothing!



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 12:19 PM
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reply to post by Hefficide
 


Takes a lot of guts to come clean about your mental health,you are right though there is no system.
Yet so many wonder "why are there so many mentally unstable people?" well lets also look at American consumer history, products like the first coca-cola had coc aine in it for the longest time, before others realized it was unhealthy, and some products caused people to be unwillingly poisoned, because some corporate idiot(s) thought they could save some money but trying different cheaper substances in their products, like cigarettes which hold over three thousand different chemicals.

Why? So someone can get rich, and it's these unhealthy substances that can effect ones general health and mental health, you might be fine, but the effects of those chemicals can be transferred in your offspring, add that to a corrupt governmental system and a crappy health care plus a weak education system, many people fail to hold any form of logic or understanding of reality.

The population of mentally ill in America is set to increase by at least 15% in the next eight to twelve months, due hundreds of thousands of different product that can cause harm, from make up, soda pop, fast food, various medication (although some are good), junk food, genetically altered food and worse of all, a media system based on sex, drugs and violence. Millions see it on tv each and everyday, thus they are desensitized by the images they see, and a false reality sets in making them think those actions are okay, or that like a hero on tv being chased (a delusion many americans face, being chased by "them")

There is no mass conspiracy, just a large series of rich morons wishing to be richer, it probably wasn't their intention to cause this (seeing as more taxes are spent on police because the peace can no longer be kept)
One thing that doesn't help are sites like these, exposing the mentally unstable to such theories, that they may go and seek them out, because these people do not understand reality, or logic.

As I said before this site and others like it are breeding grounds for mentally unstable individuals, which makes it a current political target. I hope these forums have others expressing their mental illness or giving support for others that do, but most of all I hope these forums will be filled with scienifitic information.
edit on 16-1-2011 by Anthony1138 because: Spelling corrections.



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 12:28 PM
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reply to post by v3rtex7740
 


Our society has lead to people with more anxieties and mental illness. Post 911 my symptoms of anxiety and fear really began in earnest. The system is really full with people already. I really believe it is more of a product of people having to work 50-60 hours a week just to put food on their table. It is the pressures and the paranios placed on us by the government, the media and our overall expectations from society.
Disillusionment and depression is the new norm. I never blame the person but the system or lack there of.



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 12:32 PM
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An alien race millions of years a head of humans on Earth could possibly manipulate the players to do what ever they want them to do in any scenario. It is called mind control and you think actions and happenings are coincidences? Yes we have free will if an outside source does not intervene and take control. Most individuals will say this is crazy and let their ego get in their way and say this is not possible. 200 years ago who would of dreamed of cell phones, autos, big screen TVs, body scanners, stealth fighters etc.

If a group of elite human beings have made contact with aliens and would protect these aliens with secrecy and the human elite are given information for exchange of technology and how to tap into great sources of wealth there would be trade offs. The human elite would keep the alien existence and their bases secret at all cost to keep their genie in the bottle. The elite humans could say I need this to happen to promote our agenda to take over the world. Most will think this to be a crazy idea but I do not think so. ^Y^



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 03:33 PM
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reply to post by Hefficide
 


Great job with the post!! nice to know that I'm not the only one with a mental health diagnosis (although I imagine that paranoia is pretty common among ATSers
I have been in and out of mental hospitals a few times now because of my drinking problem, I have never never been admitted when I was sober. I to am lucky that my diagnosis has not clouded my reason or logic, but there was a time that I was really paranoid as I fell into the rabbit hole chasing the truth.
.
I am frightened by the whole deal with Laughner because than I feel like a spot light is shined on me as being unstable even though I would never dare to even think of harming someone else. From what I do understand about Jared is he was severely mentally ill and was never seen for serious health. From what I can see is he was a nut, but maybe he just started to show signs of serious mental health until recent days before he shot those people....I don't know
.
What does scare me is the repercussions of what this could mean for other people with mental illness.



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 03:48 PM
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reply to post by 911theinsidejob
 


I, too, share your concerns. Which hunts tend to be sparked by events such as these, and marginalized people tend to be the ones most easily victimized by these witch hunts.

A few people have used the word "courage" regarding my OP. I humbly disagree with them. What I am doing here really isn't courageous at all. In fact this OP was a direct act of selfishness, in a sense... This was my method of launching a preemptive strike against any such witch hunt on ATS. I've made numerous posts about my PTSD, as well as discussing it, and my depression, openly in the ATS chatroom. I really had nothing to lose, and everything to gain, for myself and others, by posting this.

If anything I truly hope that a few of our more judgmental, absolute thinking prone members might read this thread and come away with a little bit of an understanding about the realities of mental health issues in the US. It's so damned easy to look at the Loughner mug shot and say "See, nut job, whacko..." and then to go off on extreme tangents about what needs to be done to protect us from the crazy people.

It's another thing, entirely, to have to interact with a crazy person who possesses the skills to debate back and who can shatter those preconceived and convenient stereotypes. It is my deepest desire and intent to help this community - a community built upon the very notion of questioning the status-quo - see that the issue of mental health is not nearly as cut and dry as they believe it to be... to see that it's not something to fear, or to ignore, or to believe that the issue is distant and to be handled by others.

Chances are we all know somebody who suffers. It's time we lifted the stigma and the veil of darkness from their lives. There is no shame in having problems. The shame comes from our cultural inability to address them.

I do apologize 911theinsidejob for lumping a general reply to this thread into the reply which was specifically meant for you.

~Heff



posted on Jan, 16 2011 @ 04:29 PM
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Its all part of the healing process my friend...when you can express yourself like this (and put your words into form) you are a little more in control of your life than you think.

But we are not perfect, like a sculpture that has a part missing, which we are supposed to fix (maybe, I don't know).

I am finding the more we rely on technology, the more we are immersed in this on-line culture (not the information age, the network age where people think that having 10 million friends is being social), the more traits are appearing in people.

Issues in peoples personalities, mental health worries etc that may well have been manifested because we are more likely to spend time online and talk to each other through some digital device than actually interacting (or being able to interact with each other).





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