posted on Jan, 13 2011 @ 09:00 PM
Around two years ago, during my sophmore year up until becoming a senior, I used weed and any drug I could find, to cope with myself. I absolutley
hated who i was, what i was doing, and these substances made me feel 'normal'. When i was pilled up on Vikes or E, I was everyones friend. I felt
outgoing, smart, funny and a likeable person. But the pills would run out, my pipe would be cashed and I returned to a self destructive mode of hating
myself, hating where i was and what i was doing. But these feelings would be magically lifted when i would pick up another sack or come up on any
pills. And the cycle would repeat, and repeat and repeat.
I was never caught being high, having drugs or anything of the sort and this helped me reassure myself that i didnt have a problem, when i really,
really did. When I wasnt blown off my ass, I would barely talk, muttered and stuttered alot my sentences.
But in the last few weeks, I have come to terms with what I did, and have accepted the decisions that i made.
I have filled this 'void' of not having drugs by practicing meditation, focusing on the good things in my life, and being thankful that i did not
lose myself completly to addiction. Each day I wake up with a sense of inspiration about what things I can accomplish, not how high am i gonna get
today, or where's my next dose of pills coming from?
Typing this page out is activly helping me heal and better myself, so i may be the outgoing and funny person I thought i was when i was high.
Thats about it...