posted on Jan, 8 2011 @ 02:40 PM
I feel like a fool...Like everything I believed was all a lie. I was told so many things and I believed them...How stupid of me. I spend three
wonderful weeks with the love of my life, return and he decides he can't do it anymore because he will only hurt me in the end and I will only resent
him later on and hate him. HOW IN THE HELL can you predict the future? You can't. Again I blame all the ones who are hurtful to men for my suffering.
It's because of them that I have to feel pain and I didn't even do anything, they did and I am the one who deals with it later on.
I thought everything was perfect and I was fooled I guess. I never saw anything or felt anything while I was there. We had a talk and it ended
fine, he assured me everything was fine and we had a wonderful time. He dropped me off, we discussed me coming in the summer and me driving to Ohio
when he came home to see his parents on leave. Now it's all been crushed. Im lost, confused and can't feel a thing. I havent slept or eaten. My
stomach is in knots....
People always say they want a certain thing and then when they have it the run out of fear of having it. WHY is that? I don't understand. How can
you be afraid of something you always wanted?
I get his sudden cold feet so to speak, I really do and many will not understand that and that is fine. I DO understand because I know him unlike
anyone else. I see a side of him nobody else gets to see and its'a wonderful side. He is an amazing person and he can't see that himself. I see so
much in him that he needs to realize and see and just accept. I know his past hurt was harsh but he needs to realize Im NOT them and he cant be afraid
of love out of fear of being hurt down the line.
We have talked since all this started yesterday and he knows I am here for him and he can have time if need be. I believe in him and I have faith
in him, even when doesn't have it for himself. He is closed off to an extent and I see it, but I love him anyway. We have a great relationship and
this is just a bump in the road. I want to hate him but I can't he did nothing wrong. He got scared and ran, that is understandable and again I
understand but it doesnt make it any easier. I am ready to sell my car and go there to see him. He knows I would do something like that too. Im
irrational and passionate...I blame my heritage
The only thing I can do is let him know I am here. I just dont get it.....there was nothing there
for me to feel this would happen.
Nothing like having the time of your life only to come back to where you consider it to be hell and it literally turns into hell...
Ive never been so lost and confused in my life. I dont blame him and I am not mad at him. Its the opposite. I know he didn't lie to me and I
know this is not what he wants...he said so...which makes no sense either. He is confused and its obvious. I just wish I was there to see him face to
Sorry if I make no sense right now.