50 Symptoms of ATS Syndrome! Are YOU Infected?

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posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:00 PM
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We've all probably wondered if reading this web site has had an effect upon us. For the sake of community health I have compiled a list of well researched warning signs that will help you decide if you might be logging onto ATS just a little too frequently.

Read at your own risk and abandon all hope, ye who enter here...


01) You've spontaneously cut a great first date short because the other party said the words "Who's David Icke?"

02) You've ever dragged a horrible first date out into a six month relationship because the other party said the words "Oh my God, I LOVE David Icke!"

03) You haven't answered your phone in four weeks because you're convinced that the NSA is spoofing your caller ID say "Mom" or "Work" when they call.

04) Every time you hear a knock at your door you think that TPTB have come to arrest / recruit you.

05) You are disappointed when the knock at your door is not TPTB, but is only Jevohas Witnesses.

06) You post a thread, 20 minutes later, saying "I think TPTB just knocked on my door disguised as Jehovas Witnesses."

07) You've driven past your own home and then kept going, for hours, because there was a strange black SUV parked in your neighborhood.

08) You refused to come back to your own town until a neighbor verified that the black SUV is gone.

09) You then threw the cell phone that you called the neighbor from away immediately after placing this call.

10) You have a folder, on your desktop, titled "Proof of Aliens" that contains 678 pictures of Venus.

11) You have transcribed, verbatim, the words you heard in radio static.

12) You have given copies of those transcribed words, in sealed envelopes, to several friends and relatives, as your "insurance policy" - to be mailed in the event of your death.

13) You know who Von Helton is.

14) Von Helton knows who YOU are.

15) You've watched 23 Colleen Thomas videos and never even noticed her boobs.

16) You have written a thread describing how to waterproof a pistol and called it "How to ensure a relaxing bath".

17) You have a waterproofed pistol IN your bathtub.

18) You are pretty sure your spouse and kids are reptilian infiltrators.

19) You have publicly accused your spouse and kids of being reptilian infiltrators.

20) You are still trying to work out how Y2K might figure into all this.

21) Your Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners both included at least one outburst about the TSA.

22) Your diary, from those two holidays, both include an entry that says "My family is too stupid to understand just how dangerous the TSA is."

23) You've referred to your spouse, parents, siblings, or children as "Sheeple."

24) Hearing the words "Galactic Federation of Light" makes you feel melancholy.

25) You've included your number of stars, flags, and applauses, as well as your WATS and KARMA numbers on your most recent resume' update.

26) You truly believe that the above will be what puts you over the top and gets you that job!

27) You've ever wished you could be more like your avatar.

28) You laugh at tin foil hat jokes because any fool knows that only lead foil really works.

29) You took a college course solely because you wanted to learn better strategies for dealing with debunkers.

30) You freqently refer to main stream news, dictionaries, and encyclopedias as "disinfo" and only source blogs as legitimate sources,

31) You've created a blog, under a totally manufactured identity, JUST so you could source it on ATS.

32) You've willingly and knowingly argued with a sock puppet.

33) You've willingly and knowingly argued with your OWN sock puppet.

34) You brag that you earned an applause for doing the above.

35) You have nightmares about post removals.

36) You work in a hardware store but commonly scream "I TOLD YOU NEVER TO CALL ME ON UNSECURED LINES!" when anyone calls you on your cell phone.

37) You use 128 key encryption to email your Mom.

38) Your Mom is so tired of dealing with you that she agrees to using 128 key encryption for your emails.

39) You've asked a local tattoo artist if they can give you an Assange back piece.

40) When you see that you have a U2U you panic.

41) When you see that you have a U2U you delete all personal information and leave ATS for 2 years.

42) When your spouse says "Honey, you spend way too much time on the computer." you reply by saying "Oh God, they got to you."

43) You actually believe that your spouse was gotten to.

44) You've never clicked on the "chat" button for fear of what you might find.

45) You lurk in chat and write blogs about who may, or may not be, paid disinfo agents.

46) You plan to quit your job and empty your savings on 12/01/12 and there's nothing anyone is going to say about it.

47) You believe your TV is watching you.

48) You sold your TV, for five bucks, because they aren't beating you that easily.

49) You think that the girl at the McDonalds drive through is keeping track of your ordering habits and is transmitting them to her overlords.

50) You've read this thread and identified with at least 10 of these statements.

Are you infected?


~Heff




posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:01 PM
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reply to post by Hefficide
 


IVe GOT THE BUG!



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:04 PM
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reply to post by Hefficide
 


Haha, brilliant stuff Heff


I have to admit that I'm infected. How long have I got?




posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:09 PM
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Hahahaha


LOTF

You are a funny guy heff. The boops one with Colleen totally smacked me to the floor.

Unfortunately... I failed.

Does that mean I will get banned ?

Star and flagged for making my day.


~ Sinter



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:09 PM
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oh lord, i have ATSAIDS! *runs in panic*
I hope there's a cure... somewhere *keeps running in panic*



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:15 PM
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reply to post by Hefficide
 

Yep, I'm inflicted alright!

I got a kick out of #47, because when those new digital receivers came out for TV, I just knew they were watching!
But people looked at me strange....go figure.
Thanks for the laugh and your effort Heff, great assessment!
I might use these as qualifications for turning new people onto ATS so that they too can have a community to share in the madness.

Peace,
spec


+1 more 
posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:15 PM
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Lmao


51: You say "star and flag" to your family and friends if they say or do something noteworthy.

I actually did once!



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:15 PM
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I don't do any of those, but symptom number 30 is the closest I'll ever get to being infected

Mainstream news IS disinfo. I'm not saying it's 100% lies, but it is designed to control people and make them believe what THEY want you to believe. Dictionaries are cool though



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:17 PM
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reply to post by Yissachar1
 


LOL that is brilliant!

***OFFICIAL LIST UPDATE - COURTESY OF YISSACHAR1!***

~Heff



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:18 PM
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reply to post by Yissachar1
 


I so hope that's true



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:27 PM
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reply to post by Hefficide
 


52) You've just compiled a list of 50 possible symptoms of ATS syndrome.
brilliant thread S+F



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:28 PM
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Originally posted by LiveForever8
reply to post by Yissachar1
 


I so hope that's true


Yep

Once to my wife after sex


Twice at work accompanied with a thumbs up



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:28 PM
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Funniest thread I've read in ages. I like to think that I've not been effected too much, although I have put a plaster over the web cam in my computer, you know, just in case.



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:30 PM
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reply to post by lektrofellon
 


LOL! Awesome!

And to make Outkast Searcher feel at home, I am adding another

53) You've debated, voraciously, only to realize, 14 hours in, that you don't even really care about the subject matter - but yet can't stand to think that somebody on the Internet might be wrong...



~Heff



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:36 PM
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1 No
2 No
3 No
4 No
5 No
6 No
7 No
8 No
9 No
10 No
11 No
12 No
13 No
14 No
15 No
16 No
17 No
18 No
19 No
20 No
21 No
22 No
23 Yes
24 No
25 No
26 No
27 No
28 No
29 No
30 No
31 No
32 No
33 No
34 No
35 No
36 No
37 No
38 No
39 No
40 No
41 No
42 No
43 No
44 No
45 No
46 No
47 No
48 No
49 No
50 No

Yay! No ATS Syndrom!



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:37 PM
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reply to post by Misoir
 


You, Sir, are obviously in denial!


~Heff

ETA: Wait... he only agreed to #23? 23! Now that's a conspiracy!
edit on 1/4/11 by Hefficide because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:39 PM
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Originally posted by Yissachar1

Originally posted by LiveForever8
reply to post by Yissachar1
 


I so hope that's true


Yep

Once to my wife after sex


ROTFLMAO!

Brilliant! Can I applaud you? lol



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:39 PM
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reply to post by Hefficide
 


This is fantastic.

Unfortunately, I'm infected.

...Is there a cure?



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:42 PM
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Originally posted by Hefficide
reply to post by lektrofellon
 


LOL! Awesome!

And to make Outkast Searcher feel at home, I am adding another

53) You've debated, voraciously, only to realize, 14 hours in, that you don't even really care about the subject matter - but yet can't stand to think that somebody on the Internet might be wrong...



~Heff



To be fair...I'm well aware that I don't care about the subject way before I start debating it.

And it isn't that I can't stand that somebody on the Internet might be wrong (or right)...it's that it's fun to watch people freak out about being shown that they are wrong and not being able to admit it.

It's the little things in life that I enjoy...like people blocking me...ahhh...nothing like a good ol block.



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 03:44 PM
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Originally posted by mblahnikluver

Originally posted by Yissachar1

Originally posted by LiveForever8
reply to post by Yissachar1
 


I so hope that's true


Yep

Once to my wife after sex


ROTFLMAO!

Brilliant! Can I applaud you? lol


I would have if I was a Mod





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