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The Happy Marriage is the Me Marriage

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posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 12:11 AM
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The Happy Marriage is the Me Marriage


www.nytimes.com

For centuries, marriage was viewed as an economic and social institution, and the emotional and intellectual needs of the spouses were secondary to the survival of the marriage itself. But in modern relationships, people are looking for a partnership, and they want partners who make their lives more interesting.
(visit the link for the full news article)




posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 12:11 AM
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I have to say, this is true in my case.

I've been married three times. This time has been the longest and happiest. Specifically because we have both grown so much as people together.

I value it much more because of that. I ended my first marriage because there was no growth happening... Just the same repeated patterns of behavior between us.

I think this is a keen observation.

What do you think?
 

www.nytimes.com
(visit the link for the full news article)



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 12:43 AM
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reply to post by HunkaHunka
 


My thoughts? I feel really sorry for people who don't even really know who they are marrying. I feel sorry for those that don't or can't grow together.

Also, I feel really sorry for people who marry, maybe even swearing before God and everyone else in that church when they got married, to have and to hold, to love and support, in sickness and in health, yada yada yade.

Yes, I understand there are people who find themselves in a marriage that is intolerable. That does happen.

My observations are that there are way too many who really didn't even understand their vows. And they drop out of a marriage so quick that they didn't even try to work things out with that special person they promised to love and honor.

The "me".

No, when you marry, at least as far as I have figured it all out, is the two "me's" become an "us"

Like I couldn't have found multiple reasons for a divorce lawyer to secure me a divorce from my wife sometimes in the last 37 years, and her, do the same. lol

Maybe I'm missing something most awesome in this article?

Just saying, over the course of 37 years of marital bliss (ha ha ha, like that is possible, lol) people have asked me how do you and your wife live together for so long? The answer is: NO ME! Just US. None of those folks have even understood this concept. And their marriages have failed. Everyone of them, except that one woman who was happy, in the end, to be abused and constantly harmed for a later on retirement package. Anyway, she was just marrying for economic reasons, so, well.............she brought it upon herself.

It's all ego. And learning to compromise.

I know some people run into difficulties, but I ask, "How the hell did you NOT know who or what you were marrying?"

Just saying................my .02 New World Currencies..



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 01:01 AM
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While I've never been married, and I'm not planning on ever getting married, I have always looked upon marriage as being an emotional commitment.

The article claims that the emotional side was secondary to the financial and social needs of the union.

I disagree. I think that most marriages are, first and foremost, based on an emotional connection between the two protagonists.



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 01:18 AM
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I find myself to be a complex contradiction on terms of marriage. I have never been married . I have however , ironically had long lasting monogamous relationships that last longer than many marriages. I refuse to take that vow "to death do us part" because I have not felt I could honestly and sincerely say that to anyone , at least not of yet.
Half of me wants to say that marriage is bunk , that if relationships are not based on some sort of dependency , they wouldn't last , and the other half of me is a hopeless romantic and says that sometimes there is love beyond dependency and having children.
I have to say that my mistakes in past relationships have been about me putting everything I wanted aside for someone else and I found myself very unhappy and unsatisfied. I have learned that I need to pursue my own goals and dreams and that in doing so, the right person may come along that shares my ambitions, instead of the many that look for love before they even know who they are or want out of life , and then have to compromise themselves. I wholeheartedly believe in the saying ," If you can't be happy on your own , you can't be happy with anyone else."
The fact that marriages do not have to be based on survival roles has left an "identity crises" so to speak , gender roles have changed , and I believe there are some problems adjusting or redefining "marriage" ..so to speak.



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 02:18 AM
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reply to post by HunkaHunka
 


I've been married a few times also and I'm astonished at what those beautiful wonderful women saw in a lazy drunken lout. The only thing I can figure out is that I was funny, fun loving, and did make their lives "interesting". We are still friends and socialize and perhaps even closer emotionally than when we were married.
My current marriage has also been the longest and most satisfying. Perhaps it's because we were partners in business before we were lovers and learned the importance of trust, communication and honor together.


edit on 4-1-2011 by whaaa because: (no reason given)



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 02:37 AM
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Ok, I haven't made a post around here in a long, long, time but I'll throw my opinion in here I suppose.

A little background first so as to add a bit of context for my reply. I've been with my wife for just over 10 years and I'm 35 she's 33. During those 10+ years we have spent basically every single day together, except one two week period when she went to visit her folks in South America. We almost never argue or interact in a negative way with one another and are viewed by other couples/singles as having the type of relationship they too would want.

Now, the way I see Marriage is, atleast in today's framework, a double lane road so to speak. One lane can be looked at as the "Civil/Political Lane" and the other is the "Personal/Spiritual Lane". On the "Civil Lane" you have basically a "Legal Contract" between two people, but enforced by the Legal System. For this you get certain benefits from the Gov. and possibly other institutions for "theoretically" becoming a more stable unit within the system itself.

The Personal Lane is an oath between two people enforced by both parties "Agreed Upon" commitment. It is a promise or pledge to another of a personal nature which is backed up with nothing more than Your Word.".

Personally, if I wasn't married already I would consider marrying my best girl friend simply for incentives that are available on the Legal side. Just a legal contract that could be terminated later without any trouble should the need arise, but until then we both could benefit from it.

However, on the Personal/Spiritual side of things you really need to understand what it is you're doing and "Why". This is also where it "Takes Two" to make it work. If only one of you is actually engaged in the process then you don't have it. All you're really able to promise is your devoted attention and love, for sure, especially in the long run. Anything else could possibly turn out to be an empty promise since you never really know what the future could bring. Promise money, or status, or a Lifestyle of whatever kind.......maybe.......but what if you go broke on Medical Bills, or you're long time friends are gone or you move to the middle of nowhere, and so on...By no fault of your own "what was wanted/expected is no longer possible. In some respects it's so simple and intuitively understandable that you wonder why it's so hard for others, yet at the same time there are no universal rules or standards or answers for every couple. They all have a common link but each with it's own set of ingredients in order to maintain a fulfilling and enjoyable life together.

There's not a Magick Spell that somehow makes relationships stronger or the "Thing to Do, Cause That's what you've been told forever" either.

Don't intend on changing them, enjoy them for who they are.
Don't "Do it for the Kids....They know you are both unhappy and/or not getting along."
Do it for "Yourself and Your needs and wants" but also for "Them and their needs and wants."

Keep in mind:
It's the Journey not the Destination and when done correctly should happen in an adventurous, experimental and enjoyable way and still manifest somewhat naturally regardless of life's ups and downs.

Good luck to those who decide to take on the challenge!!



posted on Jan, 4 2011 @ 09:38 PM
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Originally posted by whaaa
reply to post by HunkaHunka
 


I've been married a few times also and I'm astonished at what those beautiful wonderful women saw in a lazy drunken lout. The only thing I can figure out is that I was funny, fun loving, and did make their lives "interesting". We are still friends and socialize and perhaps even closer emotionally than when we were married.
My current marriage has also been the longest and most satisfying. Perhaps it's because we were partners in business before we were lovers and learned the importance of trust, communication and honor together.


edit on 4-1-2011 by whaaa because: (no reason given)


Communication and trust go a long long way...



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