posted on Jan, 2 2011 @ 11:15 AM
I was born this way. I am a sensitive but can I control it? That answer is a definite "No". However, because there are certain parts I do not like
I have worked very hard at shutting them down and warding them away from me.
I first began lucid dreaming and astral projecting in the crib, I could very well have been doing this during my time in the womb but my memory of the
womb is very sketchy unlike my infancy. It was the most scariest time of my life to find myself on the ceiling of the room or thrust into a world
where my mind created reality so deeply that pain and pleasure were more real than ever.
Slowly over the years I managed to prevent this from occurring. I disconnected entirely as my body was beaten and my mind was tormented by my
so-called parents. I disconnected because I was beginning to realize that I could manifest reality and I was not in control of it. By the time I was
entering my teens I was so emotionally and sexually abused within a foster arrangement of a stranger's home that I lost touch with reality
altogether. A stranger who made me call her mom and a stranger who was sick and warped was my teacher, my parent, and my guide. I only wanted to die
so I began killing myself.
I spent the next 20 years killing myself to shut this off, but sadly this path too had its claws in me and the trigger in which to "turn on" was
jammed open as a result. My lucid states and my projections, my voices, my visions all became too real again. I could very literally see and feel
someone and then I could see things that were horrific but confusing because of the person's fears and dreams are mixed together like a soup. I
could not distinguish reality from emotional dreaming.
As to where I am with my sensitivity now, I am completely isolated from people to a large extent. I rarely leave my compound and I am constantly
holding on to a reality that does not exist for the majority. I am manifesting daily and I am trying so very hard to remain free of anger,
resentment, pain, guilt, sadness, and hunger as these are the predominate forces that are bombarding me. I ask to be released from this but I am not
only discovering that it is my burden but that most of these inputs within my psyche do not even originate from within, they are the cries of the
innocent and the outbursts from others. I am only the whipping post as I always have been and so often my messages are fundamentally of a more
"lifting" manner. There have been times where I sound off like a Banchee, but the relief is temporary at best, then I am riddled with my own
personal feelings and realize I am only hurting myself as I lash out at others.
I am a loving soul but if you asked many around me they would not close their eyes too long for fear of what they perceive from me. This is because
of another gift I have, the gift of the "Mirror".
It took me years to understand this part of myself. I am still forgetful when I am engaging it and often I am not even aware I am doing it until I am
away from the situation. Simply put, I am the reflection of your soul, I am everything you are, I am you looking back at you. If a person engages me
in strife I am immediately thrust into it with equal if not greater intensity. If a person engages me in openness and intelligence I am their equal
by every measure. I am highly relatable as a result because I fit within the other person's persona. It really is not me they are meeting but a
reflection of themselves. To a Doctor I am a healer, to a Mother I am a Nurturer, to a Criminal I am perceived as such. What usually happens is that
I take things far too personally because I am so engaged, but then later realize that I really did not have any control over my behavior; I am the
reflection of what you see. This is why I only surround myself with people who like themselves and are trustworthy, otherwise I am perceived as
untrustworthy and not to be trusted by the likes of those who participate in such things.
I do not lie, I do not steal, I am only here to help. It is a hard path but there must be a reason to be this way. Look into my face and you will
see yourself looking back at you, the real question is, what kind of person are you and are you prepared to face your demons?
When I was a child I was beaten and tortured, this child Loves still and this child has finally learned to trust some of the world around me. Faith
is my Blessing and Fear is my guide. We should all be a little bit more fearful of what reality we exist in, because it will humble us and ultimately
if we can humble our souls we will have found peace. As for any future Astral Projections or Lucid Dreaming, No Thank You! I am best left here in
Nature where I belong.
It would be incredible if other people could put a mirror on their face, then I would see myself and say, "Hello Friend, I am so very pleased to meet
you!", instead I will look in the real mirror and say, "Hello God", because that is what resides in us all.