First of all, the reason I'm posting this here is because I wonder if the reason I am the way I am has something to do with a past life. I don't
even know for sure that I believe in past lives, but I'm open to anything.
I've mentioned a few times throughout the forums that I am a Civil War reenactor. I'm female, so I don't "fight" but I dress in hoop skirts and
basically do what women did back then. So anyway, I love reenacting and reenactments. I just feel at home at the events. Being in a place where
everyone is in period costume is almost like going back in time and it just feels "right."
Now, here's the part I don't get... If I could time travel back to the Civil War era, I wouldn't do it. Nobody could pay me enough to do it. I
HATE most things about the Civil War itself. I hate violence, I hate conflict, so you would think that even reenacting a war would be something that
I would avoid like the plague. I can't watch movies on it, I can't look at authentic pictures from the Civil War. It bothers me to read about
things that actually happened in the war. I can't watch documentaries on it, or whatever. Doing anything like this depresses me to the point of
tears sometimes and takes me forever to get over that feeling that such things give me. Sometimes it sticks with me for days.
I'm aware that this may sound like a stupid question and may not seem like that big of a deal to some, but how is it that I can love reenacting so
much yet be so terribly disturbed by the actual war itself. The weird part is that I can't stand ANY war, modern or historical, but the Civil War
bothers me on so many levels that other wars don't, even though I know there were worse wars throughout history. The other wars don't bring me down
like the Civil War. I just think that all those people died needlessly... killing each other is no way to solve anything, IMO. And I don't claim to
have any psychic abilities... at least not more than the average person, but when I'm on an actual battle field, it's like I can feel the sadness
emanating from the place. I can tell if it was a battle field where a lot of people lost their lives or if it was a battle field of very few
tragedies, even without prior knowledge of what happened there. Maybe this part is beside the point, but it's just something I felt I should throw
Someone suggested to me once that I possibly had a terrible experience during the Civil War, in a past life. Like I said before, I'm not sure where
I stand on that idea, but I'm willing to accept it as a possibility.
I'm just posting because I would like to hear anyone's thoughts on the matter. How can I be interested in something and love "playing" it so
much, yet be so offended by the actual event? I just don't understand myself, lol. Thoughts?
(I apologize if I put this in the wrong place. If so, mods, do your thang!