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My Religion Got Me A Mercedes Today For Christmas!!!

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posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 03:16 PM
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Originally posted by Jeanius
Here's one my grandpa had that was pretty good too...

If Mary and Joseph were married, why was she a virgin?

And to expand on that, anyone see the new family guy where it was Mary and Joseph eating breakfast and the neighbor pokes his head in and asks "Hey Joseph, how's doin Mary in her sleep going? Oh hey Mary!"

rofl



To help ya out

Matthew 1:18-25 reads: "Now the birth of Jesus Christ was on this wise: When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily. But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins. Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call his name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us. THEN JOSEPH BEING RAISED FROM SLEEP DID AS THE ANGEL OF THE LORD HAD BIDDEN HIM, AND TOOK UNTO HIM HIS WIFE: And knew her not till she had brought forth her firstborn son: and he called his name JESUS."



And I saw that family guy episode. Love it! hahahahaha!!!!




posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 03:18 PM
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There's a widespread misconception that all you have to do is ask for forgiveness and you will be forgiven. This is due to protestantism. However, if there were a god, then he would judge you on your actions, not how many times you've prayed or sought forgiveness. If there were a god, it wouldn't matter to him what you believe, as long as you act as a good person. People who live a life of evil, and pray on their deathbed, won't be forgiven and go to heaven, if there is a heaven.
I'm a Deist that was raised as a Lutheran. Christians these days are delusional.



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 04:23 PM
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Are some of you that dense that you can't tell that this is a joke?

People need to lighten up but ATS is serious business... right?

Thanks for the laugh OP.



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 04:23 PM
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double post

edit on 26-12-2010 by TV_Nation because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 06:09 PM
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reply to post by BlackViolet
 


Why stop sinning? What?

God makes rules so you can avoid problems and have a happy life. Sins are disobeying those rules. We stop sinning because we want to live a happy life, not because it is God's demand on us.

He wrote the "Operations Manual" for this planet. It has the instructions for survival.

For example, the Ten Commandments: Take one of them: thou shalt not commit adultery. Ok, let's say you commit adultery. Next, your wife leaves you. You lose your kids. You pay alimony. Which is better? I chose to obey the laws, rather than resist them. They were written for my benefit.



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 06:15 PM
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Originally posted by Ghost374
There's a widespread misconception that all you have to do is ask for forgiveness and you will be forgiven. This is due to protestantism. However, if there were a god, then he would judge you on your actions, not how many times you've prayed or sought forgiveness. If there were a god, it wouldn't matter to him what you believe, as long as you act as a good person. People who live a life of evil, and pray on their deathbed, won't be forgiven and go to heaven, if there is a heaven.
I'm a Deist that was raised as a Lutheran. Christians these days are delusional.


Of course, God judges you. You are a sinner. You can't get into heaven, as no unclean thing can enter. The only way you get in is by the blood of Jesus Christ. He made the rules. He said that if you believe in Him, you get in. You don't have to "work" at it. Just believe in Him. Have faith in Him. He came to save the World. John 3:16-17.



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 06:21 PM
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reply to post by woogleuk
 


Just a bit of trivia for the future - top end / final gear limit switches (or speed governors) are easy to remove. You can even do it yourself with a diagnostic program and laptop to plug into car. Not that I condone driving recklessly mind you
(nor potentially voiding any warranties.)

To Pixiekaram - I hope you can get a car soon! Why not ask around - I've known quite a few people who got free cars just for asking - some people want to be rid of a car and don't feel like fooling around with trying to sell it.

To the OP - I've now go the Janis Joplin song Mercedes Benz stuck in my head! YARG! Thanks much



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 06:22 PM
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That was a hoot OP
Classic and God works in mysterious ways well at least my one does...

But I tell ya it just wouldn't happen,as the Security around Airport drop-off zones is so intense and strict they would be on to you in a flash.



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 06:27 PM
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reply to post by Whiffer Nippets
 


Yeah, I'm aware, I asked my Uncle, who owns a car repair garage, if he would remove it, he refused, I can't repeat what he said here as I will get a mod snip edit, but it included references to me killing myself, and / or others

edit on 26/12/10 by woogleuk because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 06:27 PM
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reply to post by Jeanius
 




Ha ha ha ha ha!! Good one!


Sure, the Christian God will forgive you, but what about the other ones?



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 06:29 PM
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Originally posted by Jeanius
After being a devout Christian for decades, giving 20%+ of my paycheck to my church, listening to every word my pastor had to say like they were from God himself.


Your church is obviously the stock market, your pastor is MSNBC and your savior is Bernie Madoff?
edit on 26-12-2010 by In nothing we trust because: (no reason given)



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 07:30 PM
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This quality comedy right here, we more people like you on stage.
And less people like Carlos Mencia.



posted on Dec, 26 2010 @ 07:32 PM
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reply to post by woogleuk
 


You know, I am trying to think of the recent experimental car - it has a carbon composite body and will do in excess of 700 mph. That exceeds Mach 1, no? BOOYAH! Me wantee! Cannot afford. Do not want to kill self either


BTW - I got my Benz not for "Snob Appeal" but because I wish to switch in a diesel engine and then convert to bio diesel. Currently has a 6 cyl gasoline engine, I can get an 8 in there, and hope to convert to diesel and then bio diesel.

I just LOVE cars
They are like pets to me, almost like a living, breathing, creature. And with all the high tech electronics involved now - they might even be gaining a type of "sentience". They can "think" and correct their own problems..... hmmmmm........

I get pinched by the cops all the time - they target the sports cars. So I am thinking - if the car is now almost a sentient being, and you are profiling it for being a sports car - isn't this the same as "racial profiling"? - And if the car can almost "think" - wouldn't this hurt its feelings? LAWSUIT! for profiling my car and hurting its feelings!!!

Unfairly profiling and targeting the sports car makes Baby Jesus CRY!


For the OP -





posted on Jan, 23 2011 @ 09:52 PM
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Originally posted by Ghost374
There's a widespread misconception that all you have to do is ask for forgiveness and you will be forgiven. This is due to protestantism. However, if there were a god, then he would judge you on your actions, not how many times you've prayed or sought forgiveness. If there were a god, it wouldn't matter to him what you believe, as long as you act as a good person. People who live a life of evil, and pray on their deathbed, won't be forgiven and go to heaven, if there is a heaven.
I'm a Deist that was raised as a Lutheran. Christians these days are delusional.


I disagree with this interpretation. The bible says the wages of sin is death. No one who sins can get into heaven on his own, IMO. No person on Earth is sin-less, it's impossible. Okay, if we can do "good works" to get to heaven, how many good works does it take? Where is the division between being bad, neutral, good, or good-enough to get to heaven. I think we can't do it ourselves, and we need Christ to pay for our sins. Faith gets us in the door, our good works are just the fruit of our faith. Of course, that's just my opinion.



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