Hope, after losing everything

Hi everybody.
I suppose it is time for me to introduce myself and maybe offer some form of hope for those of us who are feeling lost or may be in despair .
I am a 45 year old male from Manchester , UK and until a year ago I had everything I thought I needed to be truly happy. I had a wife, but sadly , no children. I had a nice home, a good job and close friends.
A year later , I am sat alone in a one bedroom flat. I still have my job, but only just . My wife and friends and a subsequent lady friend have all turned their backs to me , and rightly so .
My problems started when I became addicted to sleeping pills and pain killers . I had badly injured my back and found it hard to sleep , so the pills offered great relief , at first . Then people around me started to notice slight changes in my personality. I started to become irritable and agressive . I didn't notice the side effects of the pills , slowly start to take a hold of me . I started to drink , heavily . Then my wife told me to leave because she couldn't take any more of my erratic behaviour . My friends stayed close to my wife . At this point I was a total wreck and was feeling nothing but self pity.
Three weeks ago , I was walking in the park . I say walking , but I was almost zombified. All of a sudden I came across a part of the park that I didn't recognise. There was a small boating lake with geese and ducks , basking in the autumn sun . Then I came across an old man who was sat on a bench beside the lake . He just looked at me at first and then he smiled and said to me " It dosn't have to be this way. You have a choice " He then got up and walked away. All of a sudden I too could feel the warm autumn sun on my face and I heard a small birding singing , off in the distance . It was like a dark cloud was lifted from over me and I was suddenly more lucid than I had been in months .
The words of the old man have had an instant and lasting effect on me because since then I have been sober and no longer take the pills . I have started a new hobby of painting ( even managed to sell one , last week ) .
The funny thing is , I have been back to the park since and haven't come across the little boating lake , or the old man.
I am still alone , but my life is getting back on track and I am happy again.

Thank you for taking the time to read my intro .

Peace and hope to you all .

Keep the positive Vibes up my friend. They will help you to be driven to a more positive lifestyle as long as you stay with it. You have lost some very important factors in your life, but who is to say your new more positive outlook wont attract a even more compatible and caring mate. GOOD LUCK

reply to post by Ophiuchus 13


Thank you so much for your very kind words.

reply to post by gandalphthegrey





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reply to post by Sauron



Thank you for your warm welcome

reply to post by gandalphthegrey


What a story!! WOW!!

I am of similiar age and I can relate to parts of your story. I understand where you are coming from. Since I have been in this situation I have learnt more about myself than I did in the last 20 years. It wasnt the way I saw my life going but there is no point in lying down. Everyday I have to kick myself in the ass.

Do you feel the lake and the old man were part of your reality or a consequence of habits?? That this is what you needed to get yourself back on the right track?

It was a very personal post that you wrote and I applaud the way you have turned everything around.

Keep up the great recovery and painting.

I wish you all the best for the future and a Happy Christmas.

reply to post by Irish Matador


Thank you , my friend .
I haven't liked to analyse ( please excuse my spelling ) things to closely . All I know is that it gave me the kickstart that I needed to restart my life . Now I take one day at a time and i'm thankful for this second chance . I know my demons are never far away from me , but now I can face them .

Bless you and a Merry Christmas to you too.

reply to post by gandalphthegrey


No problem.....no need to anaylse!!

The reason I asked is that I was curious.......I would like to find my own lake and old man!!

There is only so much one can kick oneself!!

Stay strong and happy!!

reply to post by Irish Matador


Keep kicking , my friend . The world is a beautiful place and I think we all have that special place inside of us . We just need to recognise it, when we find it and then make our choice .

reply to post by gandalphthegrey


Anytime, and welcome to ATS.

reply to post by gandalphthegrey


What a beautiful, life-changing epiphany you have shared with us all.

Consider that this entire scene was created by a higher aspect of your Self, rather than an outside intervention.

Yet however it may have manifested, it is the truth: we always have a choice, and we would be wise to remember that.

Thank You.

reply to post by antoinemarionette



Thank you for your kind words . I have no idea what life has in store for me but now I am excited for all my tomorrows .

I'm so pleased for you that things are slowly looking up again. This made me smile!

Originally posted by KatieVA
I'm so pleased for you that things are slowly looking up again.

This made me smile!

Thank you , Kate . Your reply made me smile , also

The most important thing to hold on to, is that, this event felt real to you and it's personal to you. Whatever the outcome from now on, you know yourself that you can make changes.
It dosn't matter who or where this man came from.
Your healing yourself and that is hugely life changing.
Sometimes this happens and we get an excited feeling in our inner self. It's like you know something good is going to happen. Losing your past friends and partners is hard but when you can be strong like you are being, and recognise you was loved for who you are, you can be again, nothing will get in your way.

Just looked out of window MORE SODDING SNOW!!!!!!!

reply to post by sussy


Thank you , Sussy . What a nice bunch you lot at ATS are . Think I'll stick around for a while . I might even learn a thing or two .

This place becomes addictive..You will learn alot.

reply to post by sussy


I'm still finding it hard to cope with loneliness , so maybe the site will be good company for me .

There is only one way from here. Up. I wish you luck and parts of your story resonate with me. I didn't believe it at the time, but trust me but things WILL get better. Very moving story.

Welcome to ATS : )

reply to post by gandalphthegrey


Thanks for sharing that my friend.
Gives me hope in my heart
Hope you´ll find what you seek here and in life...
Would like to see your paintings... Are they by any chance online?

Best wishes Lars