reply to post by The_Liberator
narcissistic personality disorder- persons with this disorder present severely overly-inflated feelings of self-worth, grandiosity, and superiority
over others. Persons with narcissistic personality disorder often exploit others who fail to admire them, and are overly sensitive to criticism,
judgment, and defeat.
You sir, come here... say you left someone because they were ignorant in some way... and seem to be overly sensitive (you left your wife and son now)
to criticism from someone without your specific viewpoint... whilst you lack empathy in that you can't figure out the emotional reactions of another
to your statements specifically... it seems you are misidentifying who has this disorder.
Lets take this story one point at a time shall we...
I say: “honey, I just read a study that said babies should not watch television so I think we should be careful not to let our son watch too much
Point- you are talking about something somone else said... you are telling this to your wife whom has a young son... and you are asserting that your
son's tv periods should be rationed significantly... who is the parent mainly taking care of the son I wonder... the wife most likely... I wonder how
she is going to take this...
Her: “why don't you try coming home and saying something positive, all you do is criticize and tell me what I'm doing wrong”
Point- she recognizes what you just said... she takes it that YOU are blaming her for letting her son watch too much tv... she has effectively
critized you for blaming her about how she handles her son... lets see if you recognize why she saw your point the way she did and if you recognized
her emotions in it...
Me: “I didn't say you did anything wrong”
Point- you didn't directly say she was to blame for her son watching too much television... but just because you didn't directly say so does not mean
it was not implied...
Her: “yes you did, you just said that I shouldn't let him watch tv! So now you're changing your story?”
Point- she has recognized and directly stated your implication (regardless if you were thinking it or not)... she sees that you are attempting to say
no implications were made, therefore changing the story (a.k.a lying)...
Me: “what are you talking about, I just pointed out a study that said babies should not watch tv! That's all I am saying”
Point- you have repeated your statement... yet you do not realize the implications it entails to your wife... this shows an obvious lack of empathy
towards your wife's emotions and perspective...
Her: “no, I know you, you were blaming me for letting him watch television. It's all my fault right? I'm the bad guy RIGHT????!!! Why don't you try
telling me a POSITIVE story that you have read?”
Point- she restates your implication... she once again recognizes the main criticism in that implication and specifically asks for confirmation of
whether or not her thoughts on your implication are correct... she asks why you haven't pointed out something interesting or useful that doesn't
contain critical implications to you or her...
Me: “why does everything have to become a fight with you?”
Point- you still don't recognize your implication... you have taken her display of emotion in her statements as an aggressive stance towards you...
again, not taking into account your effect on her emotions due to your implication... you take a defensive stance due to lack of empathy for her
Her: “because you treat me like crap and criticize everything I do! WHY DON'T YOU TRY BEING A REAL HUSBAND!”
Point- she recognizes your defensive stance and points out this isn't the first time you made implications about her... she also recognizes your lack
of empathy for her emotions and makes the suggestion that you might try to do so in the near future... I wonder how you took that...
"One of the main problems with my wife is that she blames me for EVERYTHING and facts simply do not matter to her."
Point- You point out that she is blaming you... in your example you were in fact the one making implications... she simply pointed out that you have a
lack of empathy for her emotions... you seem to have misunderstood the underlying facts in your example...
(the above actually happened believe it or not)
Point- I have seen examples of this before
I cannot discuss reality with her because everything is distorted and turned against me. She says something and then a few minutes later says “I
didn't say that....I NEVER said that!!!”.
Point- you seem to not see the implications made in things you point out or statements you make to her... it also seems she may well be making
implications in her statements as well without her recognizing them... something you will both have to work on...
It's crazy making.
Point- its perfectly logical... you just need to recognize it...
We have been in therapy for over a year and all I have seen is the abuse escalate.
Point- who is the therapist... you may need to seek another... if you aren't taking advice given, you should consider doing so...
Well last week was her birthday so I threw a surprise party for her and got her an Apple tv as a present.
Point- how nice of you ^_^...
When I asked if she liked the party, she said “(and this is literally word for word), oh I'll get you back on your birthday and it will be something
you don't like!”
Point- she didn't seem to like the gift... perhaps return it for a refund for something else... she seems to see it as another one of your
The next day I hooked up the Apple TV and asked if she liked it and she said, “well I don't know when I'm ever going to be able to watch movies but,
Point- she seems to have changed her mind considering the gift's full capabilities... maybe something more for her birthday could be given...
At that point I had had enough. I took the Apple tv, packed up some clothes and left. I returned the gift and have been staying at my fathers house
for the past week.
Point- now you have taken back the gift she was ok with... you have also have seperated from her... I wonder if you made any implications... what do
you think you have implied to your father considering this event...
Why is this relevant to this forum?
Point- it really doesn't seem like it is...
Because in every way my wife reminds me of climate deniers.
Point- do they not recognize their implications to you... do you not recognize your implications to them...
Their only goal is to be “right”, even if that means lying and distorting the evidence. They cherry pick one or 2 articles that back up their
nonsense, and then ignore all other data.
Point- neither one of you were attempting to be "right" in your example... you were trying to understand one another and seem to have failed to do
so... I see no cherry picking in your example, only misunderstandings...
I left my wife because she operates exactly like a climate change denier.
Point- "The next day I hooked up the Apple TV and asked if she liked it and she said, “well I don't know when I'm ever going to be able to watch
movies but, I guess”"
"At that point I had had enough. I took the Apple tv, packed up some clothes and left. I returned the gift and have been staying at my fathers house
for the past week."...
you misunderstood her emotions... you didn't recognize the implications you made...
In her mind, I am the bad guy
Point- due to the implications you made... which you still do not see...
and I'm sure any deniers reading this will think that THEY are right and that I am the one cherry picking.
Point- I just point out what I can see from my perspective and attempt to have empathy for others... you are certainly not cherry picking, you layed
it all out for everyone to see from their perspective... well done... you simply have difficulty in seeing the implications you make to your wife
through your statements...
But just as it is obvious to you that my wife is crazy as a loon
Point- she in fact is not crazy as a loon
... she is acting like every typical women does
... I know its hard to understand women and their
emotions... I've been there
... you just need to understand what you are saying to her and all it's implications...
it is equally obvious to me that you are just as irrational as she.
Point- Oh come now... she is not irrational... her emotions have very logical reasons to them... you just need to understand what effects you are
having upon her... she also needs to do the same for you...
Glad to be of service
edit on 20-12-2010 by Elzon because: Spelling