Adultery - ruins everybody's lives.

Originally posted by Whiffer Nippets
I come from a "broken home".

I would never, and have never, cheated. Nor has any man I've been involved with. Yes, I'm pretty sure.

They were like me. Adverse to drama. And serious about life and wanting to work together. Sometimes things don't work out - but there is no reason to be an asshole.

I could've cleaned my exH out to the tune of close to half a mil. Took not one cent from him. Why would I? Just because we were no longer getting along and it turned out that he had far different future plans then I did - well - that is no reason to be an asshole and take the guy's stuff.

My next serious man was a musician. Why would I take anything from him, either? He had little money and few possessions - but - a vindictive person will take or ruin whatever they can. Or, when we began to have issues - I could've demanded he give up music to be with me. But of course I would NEVER be like this.

No longer "getting along with" a person should not mean you wish them harm. I had issues with these people, but that didn't mean I lost all human feeling and decency.

I'm sure we've all had "break ups" with friends too - there is no need to get ugly about it nor disrespect someone. Before or after.

I am not really religious but I DO believe in the "Golden Rule" of treating others how you wish to be treated.

Honesty and integrity are VERY important to me! I am a biz person also - and I ALWAYS conduct myself ethically - yes indeed - there are even honest and decent biz people too!

As far as sex goes - I think as in all else - you need to know what you want and be happy with what you have. Some are happy with monogamy, some are unhappy with a veritable banquet of sex. Look at Tiger Woods. I remember thinking - how unhappy he must be - he has everything that would make anyone green with envy - money, fame, a beautiful wife who seems like a nice person - and yet - he cheats. And then cheats more. Even the cheating wasn't enough.

These people, it's sad. I do believe the "Quagmire" character on Family Guy was named Quagmire for a reason. He is in a quandary. He doesn't know what he wants. And/or cannot appreciate what he has.

I think TPTB through the media use sex to distract us as well. Your life will FINALLY! be happy and great once you do this sex or get this person. But then they keep it going. Now you need THIS! *THEN* everything will be AOK! Think about it. "They" do this with food, possessions, occupations, locations - you're always supposed to be not quite right or happy enough because we need to sell you *this*......

My relatives were cheaters, drunks, and jerks in general - I would very much like to have a nice, peaceful home

All I can do to make this happen is be the kind of person I would like to be with. What else can we do?

Agree100%.

Just to add something. You dont Own your spouse body, you love her, and do everything to make her happy and you should expect the same from her, but just expect, its not something that will happen always. Its better to have a great relationship based on trust and sincerity than to live a lie, pretending to be the perfect family.

and yes I think Monogamy is something that is not natural to the human species. Heck there are even some studies that state the love period last 4 years (feeling IN LOVE). google it be surprised.

Well its no wonder you know the guy, normally when people cheat they cheat with someone they know. Number one rule of thumb is Familiarity breads lust, the more you know someone the more chances of being attracted to them. So that is not unusual, secondly vows are just words, just like promises are just words, and promises get broken all the time unfortunetly. But thirdly its not your business to be spreading, and if its so aweful why would you help get the word out? Whats more important your friendship to your friend? Or the friendship to their spouse? And if your friendship to their spouse who is getting cheated on is more important then what is your ulterior motive in the situation? Sorry if I sound cold but I have grown up in a world where divorce is not uncommon, so unfortunetly marraige is almost a joke now a days... I do not believe in marraige for that exact reason. You might love me today, you might love me tomorrow, but staying in love is the real challenge....

Just because you follow religious ceromony to get married, doesn't mean you are in the eyes of God which means you are only legally married.

Adultery isn't a secular issue, despite the perversion of what it is in our culture. Adultery and marriage are both religious. So like I said, if you aren't married in the eyes of God then it's not adultery. It's merely cheating and people don't like it.

reply to post by StarrGazer25
"You might love me today, you might love me tomorrow, but staying in love is the real challenge.... "

Funny how we all differ.. I find it easier to stay in love for the long haul, but more challenging on a daily basis. It's what makes the world go around I suppose.

reply to post by halfoldman


Thank you soo much for voicing this opinion here.. As a non-american, people from my country look at americans as people who marry to divorce.. I must say I am glad to hear you speak of this, and to know that there are people who are honest and have the integrity to take a vow seriously in their life.. Thank you so much and may god bless you and your family ..

reply to post by halfoldman
Ok i did it.
Would I do it again? never
I do beleive I am more emotionaly scarred than my partner, now see a psycologist (me only) on antidepressants,
I just can't beleive I did what I did,
I confessed to my husband after five years, no-one else knows thats why we are still together.
Why did I tell him? no idea
Although reading the bible before I did confess may have had alot to do with it,
Last year I said to myself how can you fear god? well I sure do fear alot now, I have learnt so much in one year.
If I could go back and change what I did yes, but the saying goes If I knew then what Iknow now.
when I confess I was ready to take it all, loose my kids and my husband, He has given me a second chance.
Maybe this was a lesson I needed to learn, Yes karma hits you three times more in return
Also I learnt about cause and effect how everything plays a role in the future.
Before Jesus died he knew he was going to be betrayed, So can you change what was meant to be, we are not perfect.
I have a chance to teach and help other people not to go through the same mistake I did, If I go to hell so beit,but I still might have a chance to prove myself worthy.
Don't do it, its not worth the pain

reply to post by jehova620


There are many primative emotions that humans experience when situations present themseleves in just the right light; however, what seperates us from the animals is the ability to reason and not always act on those base emotions

Originally posted by halfoldman
I like to live my life honestly and openly.

Now a best friend has betrayed her husband.
What is worse, most of us know this guy.

I think people stand and lie before God when they make their wedding vows.

It is forbidden to sleep with a married woman.
Tonight I told somebody.

Lord help me.

Do people who get married and commit adultery actually realize what they do to the people around them?

edit on 18-12-2010 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)

One smart man answered to the question about why he is not married: 'How can I tell my wife that I love her, but I am not attached to her?"

Other thing is - we are historically used to mate with multiple partners - that is our nature, which is suppressed by religious and economic dogma.

Well, I have been a victim of this by a cheating ex-wife who cheated , not once, but several times with several people. She divorced me only vecause her feminist mother beat me to the point financially. I initially told my wife that I called it quits with her, generally because she was just too much of a spoiled brat for me to handle. A cheater uses it's prey and eventually the victim will get it, but usually it tkes awhile because no one clues the person into the infidelity and even if they do.....the victim refuses to believe it. I was warned by a guy in the military that I should annul my marriage in the beginning and I just thought that he wanted me to leave my wife so that HE could have her. Love makes people blind and stupid and all of the signs I saw....I ignored because I loved my ex-wife. I look back now and realize that she didn't deserve me and I had wasted so much of my life on her. Incidently, she was a feminist just like her mother so to add insult to injury, even though SHE cheated...she got the kid in the divorce, and literally took me for everything..not just half...of everything I owned leaving me destitute and I had to think quick to remedy the problem.Her mother and father pooled their money for their daughter to ensure my royal screw-job in court and of course the judge was a woman, so I had no chance. I of course, had my bank account emptied consistently, while on deployments while married to my ex and I had to live on $50.00 a pay day. She also stole my tax refund check as one last grandiose gesture. (She denies that but I still have the proof in records to this day, which makes her a liar as well.) Whatever, she will burn in Hell. Her best friends later told me who she had cheated on me with and that I could have done much better. This was her BEST friends that said this. They could have told me while we were married, but they didn't so the suffering of a vindictive, cheating, spolied brat wife was endured for quite a while. I could have gotten diseases or something, I was lucky I didn't. Another reason why you should tell this guy....for his protection. Anyway, the damage that was done is quite obvious, but what she doesn't realize is that some good came of this. She created a monster. She made me an anti-feminist and I have made it my life cause to destroy all traces of feminism, simply by revealing the truth about their plans. Shining the light on their lies. I also have 2 young daughters who I have raised to dedicate their lives to destroying the radical feminist organizations from the inside out. Not by violence, or any t3rrorist actions but by simply, infiltrating, learning their secrets.....and then displaying their secrets and lies to the world en masse. In news articles, television, twitter, blogs...the works! Just as cheating destroys many around, feminism destroys men AND women alike. As for this guy you speak of.....if you're a female and you tell him, he might believe you, if more than one female tells him, he can't deny. It will do no good for a guy to tell him, even if he sees the signs. Love makes men stupid and blind.........this is why I will never love another woman in my life ever again. I still feel this way after 13 years now. I will never let another woman into my heart. Too bad I didn't live in one of those middle eastern countries, I would have really loved stoning her AND her mother. Tell the guy what has happened to him or even leave him hints to absolve yourself of any wrongdoing and let HIM make the descision. The cheating wife should not have done it so whatever happens she pretty much begged for it. Don't let this woman do to this guy what my ex did to me.....a hardened heart and a mission of 2 or more generations or more. * Dont worry Homeland Security, everything I or my daughters do will be legal and non-violent, it's just about revealing lies.* (I get so tired of always having to write pre-emptive defense statements because of thought-police geez! ("You have Freedom of speech, but just watch what you say!")

Very interesting thread OP. I have a friend who knew their dad was having affairs but never told anyone and instead allowed their parents to work out their issues in private which ultimatelly saved their marriage. However, the breach of trust that comes with infidelity can be devestating and far reaching for all hurt by the affair. It ruins the trust of not just the current partner, but of future partners to come. because in the back of your mind you'll allways have that little sense of doubt.

A good movie that deals with these issues, is eyes wide shut, which is also kind of festive this time of year considering the movie takes place during Christmas time. But the whole idea of what causes someone to be unfaithfull to their lover and their drives and motivations for doing so is such a grey area that I think it's dangerous to judge or condemn anyone because we can never learn the whole truth, and the whole truth is rarely known to either person involved, and I think it's the not knowing part of it that truly scares people. Your mind can be your worst enemy when it is left to fill in the blanks, especially concerning infidelity.

I would like to add also, that while the media portrays men as primal lust driven animals who can't keep it in their pants i.e. tiger woods, jesse james, bill clinton ect. there's just as many women out there who cheat, the most recent example in the media being leann rhymes. I think the reason why we don't hear about it as much is because women are alot better than men at hiding affairs. Weather that's good or bad, probably depends on your gender.

Originally posted by ChaosMagician

Originally posted by bigyin
reply to post by ChaosMagician

 

are you on drugs or something ?

your not making any sense

Being full of # and talkin that # is not a fool proof tactic in conversation. It often doesn't work in cheating either but results may very. Hell, you might be an expert at it for all I know.

Did you get that?
I tried to make it a little more clear for you.
I hope it helps.

Nope no help at all.

Could you reference the piece which you consider to be sh_t please ?

People who cheat are cowards! If you don't want to be with someone TELL them! Why hurt them?

I have been cheated on by every guy I have been with and it really affected me. I had major trust issues and everytime a guy I was dating went out I thought he was cheating and well it turned out I was right. Most of them I had no clue, no signs or anything. Yet some there were signs but you get blinded by "love" they say and well I was even when I knew it was happening.

I am in a relationship now and he is the first guy I have trusted completely in over 10years..and he lives in another country for right now. I don't worry about him but my emotional past does come up sometimes and I have to remind myself he is not the other guys.

Most people think cheating is ok and forgivable, imo it is NOT. If you betray that trust it will never be the same no matter how much counseling you go to. I took an ex back after cheating and things were never the same. I never trusted him after that. I don't care what he said or how good he was to me, I always felt it was an act.

Cheating is NEVER ok. If you cheat and can't tell the other person before you decide to crush their world and many times the lives of others such as kids, you are a coward.

reply to post by halfoldman


Well I don't even believe in morals. I believe in reasonable logic and the law of God. Both of which say adultery is simply retarded.

Originally posted by Kailassa

Originally posted by thegoodearth
My college microbiology professor advanced an idea for us to ponder one day, and it really made us all think-

If human beings kept their virginity until they chose their partner for life, and stayed utterly faithful to that partner until death, "forsaking" all others, (and this is for homosexuals as well as heterosexual relationships)...then STD's, to include HIV, would completely be eradicated after one generational cycle.

For a microbiology professor, he was pretty dumb.

Some STDs can be inherited, and some can be contracted during the birthing process, and some can be caught from the mother while breast feeding, some can be propagated by contaminated immunisations and blood transfusions. Herpes can be caught without penetration occurring. Needlestick injuries and shared needled needles can cause new infections.

So no, world wide monogamy would not eliminate STDs.

You are not looking at this with the proper perspective.
As I agree that some STD's can be passed to an infant by the mother through the placenta/ birth process,
there is no such thing as "inherited STD's", as that would infer a genetic component that isn't there in regards to STD's.
Furthermore, the root cause of STD's are that they are sexually transmitted diseases. Therefore, while every single case is not transmitted via sexual contact, the root of the disease and its spread is via unprotected sexual contact with infected partners.
While it may take more than one generational cycle to eradicate, and he may have been in error with such a time span, the fact remains that such diseases would be "burned out" if the human race would practice chastity before they choose a lifelong partner, and stay faithful to said partner.
The major mode of transmission would be cut off completely, as well as the root of the disease. This would lead to no infected mothers to infect their children, no infected drug users to contaminate needles, and no people with active lesions to infect partners with secondary kinds of contact.
One generational cycle is a very hopeful and lofty idea, though I do agree that it may take more than one, however, I don't think that stating such would quantify the professor as "pretty dumb".
God Bless~

reply to post by Whiffer Nippets


I can see your point i guess but still this is more of a swerious conspiracy site. Figured while adultery is bad it's not necessarily conspiracy worthy.

reply to post by Phenomium


So you've brainwashed your daughters to prove they love you by hating other women, and their mother.

Which means you've taught them to prove they love you by hating themselves. Both genetically and genderwise.

You're awesome.

Did it not occur to you to get some psychological help?

reply to post by squirelnutz


I have had sexual abuse and physical abuse... doesn't mean I am going to cheat. Cheating is a conscious choice to devalue the one you are with. If you don't want to be with them, then leave but do not break the trust placed on you...

personal view.

Religious views aside. As some one who grew up in an abusive home, I can tell you that adultery hurts their spouse, their children, friends and other family as well....

I don't know if they realize at first how bad it can hurt you or me. But they MUST realize it as soon as they are caught. They must or they just don't care.

From personal experience I will tell you that it hurts to be cheated on by some one you love with all your heart. From personal experience I will tell you that it hurts to have your mom cheated on by some one they love ( even if you can't imagine how or why she loves him).....

It hurts. It hurts really bad.

Cheating is a horrible thing to do. Something I am not willing to ever do to someone. It just.... hurts to bad.... it is mean and cruel....

Originally posted by schuyler

Originally posted by Aeons
I UTTERLY disagree.

Someone who is screwing around without the knowledge of their partner, is RISKING THAT PERSON'S LIFE.

They have every right to know.

And I UTTERLY disagree with you. What gives you the right to insinuate yourself into someone else's life? And how do you know your information is correct? What iff you are passing on rumor and innuendoo? After all, you didn't actually OBSERVE this happening did you? Butt out of other peoples' lives. You have no right to be there. You know about "casting the first stone," don't you? Who made you judge and jury?

Just to throw my two cents in..

I have been on both ends - knowing a close friend's boyfriend was cheating and being the cheated. I would gladly have a friend tell me the truth of my cheating boyfriend. I wouldn't automatically jump down boyfriend's throat, but I would definitely do some sleuthing. I have found out when someone is cheating, they really DON'T cover it up well.. at all. Usually a check of computer history, credit card statement, telephone/or telephone bill will verify innocence or guilt without the lover wiser. Not that I would care, but if you are worried about them being angry, just leave an anonymous email from disposable account and send them details of where you saw the cheater .. cheating. Cheaters are creatures of habit... better yet, take a pic... just scrub the picture information if digital... no trace back.

just saying... cheaters deserve no breaks. If you want polyamorous go find mutually accepting polyamorous.

I fully believe a true friend should tell the truth about cheating. It's not like the cheater is playing by the rules... someone should.

Originally posted by halfoldman
Do people who get married and commit adultery actually realize what they do to the people around them?

edit on 18-12-2010 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)

I am just glad i do not like females.

People are over stimulated today on purpose.