Adultery - ruins everybody's lives.

Ehhhhhh, stop taking everything so seriously! My ex cheated on me with my best friend, and I cheated on her. We were together for 5 years, and we loved each other passionately the whole time.. lol. We've been given this idea that Roman Idolatry or "Romance" is the be all and end all of human communication. What needs to happen is that we need to evolve outside of these matrices of control, which will only come via maturation as a collective, but more importantly as we examine ourselves and the relationship dynamic. Cheating only occurs when you have broken predetermined rules of 'engagement'.
I endorse Dionysian indulgence, however all parties should be aware and mature enough to handle sexuality. That another man or woman might not want to repress their fantasies for the rest of their lives just because they had sex once thereby binding forever to one sex partner??? RIDICULOUS. This is control at its very worst/most refined. Why should anyone have to buy a restaurant in order to have a meal? This repression of sex is doing a terrible number on our psyche as a collective. It is used to manipulate us, to control us, rather than liberate and empower.

Stop living this life because it was handed to you. Start questioning everything.

Forty five years ago my parents divorced because one of them committed adultery. I was ten years old, it blew me away. I didn't really come to terms with it till I was an adult. Both my parents acted stupidly, they were immature. I really believe today that immaturity plays a role in adultery. I've forgiven both of them. It was a gradual thing, the forgiving. My father didn't like the fact that my sibs and I chose our mother, we haven't heard from him in twenty six years. He has grandchildren and great grandchildren he's never seen. I don't know if he's alive or dead. Adultery affects generations. I pray for my father. If he ever came knocking on my door, I'd welcome him with open arms. Adultery is not a good thing.

Adultery is an ambiguous thing.
It depends on a lot of factors including cultural and religious.
In a few religions, it's quite okay to have mulitiple wives, these women don't see it as their husband cheating if they take a second or even third wife.

I am guilty as well of a number of transgressions in marriage. But? Am I sorry? A little for hurting people I loved.
Would I do it again? No. Knowing what I do now. Should I have ever even GOT married if I even THOUGHT about messing things up? No, I shouldnt have.

I think Ive grown up a lot. I am sorry for hurting someone, and sorry for letting them and my family down. And I am sorry too for going against all the things I knew to be right...by doing the wrong things.

I guess I was just confused about the things I thought I wanted, what I found I really wanted, and about those things I never thought Id regret...until I did them.

Some folks should not ever get married. And others should divorce as soon as possible before more people they love get hurt. It all comes around again to bite us offenders. It did me, and I knew it when it happened. Im wishful that I shouldve realized in the beginning...that I was one who should have just played the field...

Now a days? Im happy over 23 yrs with my mate...and she's 10 years younger than I. And I wouldnt have even MET her...if I didnt go thru all that. So out of something morally bad....came something wonderfully good.

Bad stuff happens...but it doesnt have to.

I am in a monogamous relationship, and it works for us amd I emjoy it very much. Though I feel for those who have been cheated on, for sure..I have been cheated on by other boyfriends in the past. Its a terrible thing and impacts the lives of not only the couple but the people around them.

That being said, sometimes it happens. Sometimes, with the circumstances, it seems it just cant be avoided, or is some kind of natural course for things. There are complicated forces here at play, there are many many reasons people cheat. I am not talking about some one night stand with some woman or some man, something that means nothing..but often times a married person is miserable and feels trapped. They need out and sometimes they just go with it.

Sometimes to, people fall out of love, and fall in love with someone else. it sucks the big one, and not only adultry but divorce is never pretty and never easy on anyone...but sometimes it is a necessary evil. As someone posted already, monogamy is a human construct. Most of us now are so conditioned to this, that we are just not capable of anything else. And that's totally ok, but the fact of the matter is we will never escape our biology and cheating is just something that we are going to have to deal with probably at least once in our lives.

Some people are more prone to cheating than others, and I say to those people just dont be in a monogamous relationship..but often times one will fall from grace, as a mistake, and if you truly love and cherish each other I think its worth giving the person a second chance.

Originally posted by halfoldman
I like to live my life honestly and openly.

Now a best friend has betrayed her husband.
What is worse, most of us know this guy.

I think people stand and lie before God when they make their wedding vows.

It is forbidden to sleep with a married woman.
Tonight I told somebody.

Lord help me.

Do people who get married and commit adultery actually realize what they do to the people around them?

edit on 18-12-2010 by halfoldman because: (no reason given)

The problem is that when these people got married, one of them never had intentions to make it work. A person who commits adulttry can pull any excuse they want to, but the truth is they aren't ready to be in a monagamous relationship.

If you meet someone you are willing to risk your marriage to be with, your marriage is shot already. You shouldn't have gotten married. And no, adulterers do not think about the pain they will cause, they only think with their private parts. Actually the game of adultery turns on most who are involved in it.

Originally posted by alonzo730
Forty five years ago my parents divorced because one of them committed adultery. I was ten years old, it blew me away. I didn't really come to terms with it till I was an adult. Both my parents acted stupidly, they were immature. I really believe today that immaturity plays a role in adultery. I've forgiven both of them. It was a gradual thing, the forgiving. My father didn't like the fact that my sibs and I chose our mother, we haven't heard from him in twenty six years. He has grandchildren and great grandchildren he's never seen. I don't know if he's alive or dead. Adultery affects generations. I pray for my father. If he ever came knocking on my door, I'd welcome him with open arms. Adultery is not a good thing.

Adultery does effect multiple generations. I can't count how many lives, that one single act committed by my biological grandfather, has been effected. I can honestly say the events that led up to my mothers suicide would have never happened if my grandfather never cheated on my grandmother. My children will never know what its like to have grandparents because of that single act.

My best friend cheated on her emotionally abusive husband who refused to give her a divorce when she had asked for one for two years. After I heard and saw for myself what went on, I really couldn't blame her.

reply to post by gnosticquasar


Slightly different situation if the relationship was over, and she made it clear she wanted out. If she was leading the guy on, telling him she wanted to make things work, than what she did was wrong.

reply to post by Solomons

Originally posted by Solomons
Agreed, cheating is one of the most heinous and despicable acts you can do to another person...anyone with even a shred of decency and conscience could not carry it out. The only good thing is that it shows that persons true character and the other partner can move on and find someone much more worthy of their partnership. It is still a hideous thing to go through though and sadly it is becoming more common these days...turns my stomach just thinking about it.

edit on 18-12-2010 by Solomons because: (no reason given)

I agree. I've been around a lot of people whose relationships has gone down under due to issues like this.
OP I don't think you should have told anyone anything UNLESS you've talked to her and she refuse to tell him.

Originally posted by halfoldman
My worst fear is the husband finding out and hating me - I should have been a better friend and told him?

So you told someone that wasn't involve in this? You've added more fuel to the fire!! If you're going to tell someone about this, be it him (of course this is only after your best friend refuse to tell him).
You just brought more trouble in this. Whoever they are, hopefully they can shut their mouth and let this couple work out their problem.

Halfoldman, everybody makes mistakes.

When I was married I forgave my husband his first few affairs, because the sex drive can be awfully strong, and people can be weaker than they expect. Not that it helped, he ended up in a long-term affair with a marriage wrecker. But many married people do mess up once, get forgiven and then make sure they never get into that situation again. Sometimes people don't realise how sex can be a powerful whirlpool that drags a person into it and turns their brains to goo until the deed's done. Some people learn from this and make sure they just don't spend too much time alone with an attractive person of the opposite sex again.

And sometimes we just shouldn't judge because we don't know what it's like inside another person's marriage.
My mother used to boast to us kids that she was a "pure woman" who hated sex, and tell us how dreadful our father was,because he "enjoyed it". She apparently let have sex once a year, for his birthday, and I doubt he looked forward to that cold act of marital duty. They'd been quasi "betrothed" at an early age and he'd had an affair in his teens, and she decided to punish him for the rest of his life. Seeing her with a female friend, I believe she was an unacknowledged lesbian, and messed up by this as well. So do you think any of us kids were shocked when our dad had an affair? On the contrary, we covered for him.

However anyone else would have been shocked with him, because, to outsiders, ours was a perfect family, and our parents, "models of good Christian values and pillars of the community".

So don't judge her, Halfoldman, we all do wrong, and for many it's a struggle not to commit this great wrong.

But if you are talking to her again, I suggest you tell her how torn you are by co-operating in deceiving her husband, and explain that, if she does this again, you will have to tell him.


Despite the way your OP could be read, I'm presuming it was not you she played up with, because you don't appear to be that way inclined or that irresposible. If it was you, because of your circumstances, you need to tell him straight out, and face up to the consequences.

My partner and I are very open . He can be with whoever, I can be with whoever. But only physical, that's all !
I would consider it cheating if he was having a 'relationship' with them and getting to know them, and keeping in contact with them behind my back ect..
I don't see anything wrong with this openness because we still love each other no different and he is my closest friend !! Its just to fulfil physical desires !
free love i say

Look, covering up for another persons adultery is almost as bad as doing it. Do you hate the man being cheated on? Is he a bad person deserving of ridicule? Then by all means let her stick the knife in. If not you should tell him and let him be free of her.

We choose your own actions. We are not magically entranced by the other sex such that we lose all willpower. Thats total bull# to excuse bad people of bad behaviour.

If people want to sleep around thats fine. But don't get married, or get divorced first. Adultery shows complete contempt for your partner.

And lets leave swingers and open marriages out of it please. Unless thats part of an understood agreement by both parties which really doesn't seem the case here.

Somebody that cheats on you once holds you in contempt and will do it again. "I still love you, i just made a mistake, i just fell on his penis repeatedly till climax". Yeah right.

Its not 'all good fun'. The consequences can be terrible. Many children are scarred by it and sometimes people end up in the morgue.

It is really sad, and there are definately no excuses for it. Last year while I was pregnant I found out my father had an affair on mum for a good year. And it has affected out family HUGELY. They are very strong Christians and for dad to go do that makes me sick. What makes me even more sicker is that mum wants to stay with him and is willing to try and make things work, dad doesnt want to .

I went to a mens conference in Feb. of this year and they warned us that 52% of men are addicted to pornography. That is staggering in my opinion. When we turn on the tube it's all over the place. Even Light porn is in Victoria's secret ads. Ads that would be X or worse in the 1950's. People are over stimulated. Culture today tells us this is the norm. F around or masterbate all you want, then if the woman gets pregnant go get "it" killed.

Adultery is wrong, and it is hurtful. But for the people who chose to do such a thing deserve the consequences of their actions. Same as the people who actively get involved in such a thing. I have been cheated on and I have cheated. It only hurts you and everyone else if you let it.

reply to post by Aeons


what?!?!? u would rather give someone the opportunity to get a std check? thats more inportant than 2 deaths by shotgun cuz u couldnt keep your nose out? im sorry but when did u become the std police?

if you are not related to the party in question then where do you come off just butting in? its not your place, u would only have a conciounce about it because u INVOLVE YOURSELF?!

Might i also add that std are like russian roullete, but having a fully loaded shotgun pointed at your head..pretty much is securing a death! you dont know the sexual history of any of the partys involved so u are only going on a "maybe a perhaps a might be" so again u have no right to get involved.

Yeah, I'm a homewrecker...I got involved with a married man, and their marriage is now over. But I have to say that I never intended to ruin anyone's life or hurt anyone in any way..and I never set out intending for it to happen in the first place. For those of you who seem to have not a forgiving bone in your body, I will just remind you that we do not pick who we fall in love with. Sometimes, it just happens. And it takes 2 for a failed marriage, so dont absolve yourself completely of responsibility.

reply to post by halfoldman


I find this comical,Don't hate the player.....hate the game.If a woman can't fullfil her needs and the man can't then let them have sex ffs.Marriage is a sad joke and I pity the weak people who believe that drival.There is nothing better then a hot milf who has been neglected and wants to get rocking.Adultary is a product of your surroundings and marriage is largely overrated.

reply to post by DrumsRfun


I'll never understand it. If it gets to that point. Why continue obviously there is a problem, and although splitting up hurts a lot it definitely wont hurt the person as much as cheating. I've never cheated on anyone I was in a relationship with, but have been cheated on. I guess it's the cheaters own selfishness, wanting it all and wanting to keep the comfort and regularity of their life.

Also.. this is just a wee but BTS haha.