Adultery - ruins everybody's lives.

reply to post by schuyler


Tbh i dont know whats worse, telling someone else about someones business or posting about the situation on here?
i know no names have been mentioned however the OP states that it ruins lifes so how does one come to conclusion of "omg its so bad i have to tell someone else whats going on then after that im going to post about it on ats to see if i can get me some stars and flags"?!

OP you dont know the background, or the situation, and your sticking your nose where it doesnt belong, if u want to be angry, upset or disgusted at the situation thats fine, however if your so disgusted then why get involved?! why make it your business? u cant just inject yourself and your thoughts into thier lives as well as telling other people thus getting them involved as well....your actions arent acceptable.

Originally posted by schuyler
reply to post by halfoldman

 

I agree completely with your sentiment, but not with your actions. So somehow you found out and you took it upon yourself to tell someone else? It's really none of your personal business, yet you have decided to spread the destruction just a little further. You don't know all the motivations and issues in these people's lives. You don't know all the issues, yet you've taken it upon yourself to stir the pot. You've heard about casting the first stone, haven't you? Not good. Not good at all.

edit on 12/18/2010 by schuyler because: (no reason given)

I UTTERLY disagree.

Someone who is screwing around without the knowledge of their partner, is RISKING THAT PERSON'S LIFE.

They have every right to know.

I would rather lose of friend because I did the right thing than keep a friend and KILL or MAIM another person with inaction.

Ethics - apparently not for the weak.

reply to post by halfoldman


well i think people should always be honest, not just in marriage but relationships in general.
the feeling of betrayel by someone you trusted is not nice, and if there are kids involved then it is tripled, maybe more.

there is no excuse for having affairs, i think the people that do it only ever think of themselves, and the only time they are sorry is when they are caught, they were happy whilst they were getting the best of both worlds, then are sorry when they are losing it.

there are two ways to look at it, one is that somebody you trusted did this and your angry and upset. the other way to look at it is that it could be a blessing in disguise, if somebody does commit adultery, they obviously do not love you or are trustworthy, who would want to be with somebody like that? now you know, you can move on,
rebuild your life and when the time is right find somebody who you can trust and love and know you will get the same back.

speaking from experience, i had a relationship that ended like this, i was deverstated at first, but i moved on, i started to understand, it was no my fault, she did not desreve me, that i was better off alone, than to be with somebody who could treat me in such a manner. i moved on, enjoyed myself, and eventually met my current partner, and i am happy, we have been together 8 years now. this could not of happened without the original break up, it turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

i know your friend will be deverstated, but if there is one thing that i could say it would be, keep your head up, it is not nice but it is not the end of the world either, things happen for a reason, and it is better to know who you can trust and who you cannot, rather than live with someboy who will treat you in such a manner.

reply to post by Aeons


im assuming you are talking about std's? chances are if someone is having an affair then they will be using protection..if they have brains anyway!

however thats not the point....if i was related in some way then i would be directly involved in the situation, however the OP isnt and not only that he told another outsider?!

if he was going to tell anyone then shouldnt it have been the person involved rather than another random?

so now 2 people that we know of know whats going on, not to mention everyone thats read the thread.

if i was the person involved and i found out that the OP told someone else and made a thread about it on ats id be pissed.

if the OP HAS to involve himself in the situation then he needs to speak to the person involved..if he doesnt want to do that then he should BUTT OUT! now all hes doing is whispering about it behind their back, telling others about it and being a gossip.

My best friend and another of my closest friends from high-school, lets just say that we were in a group with a girl and her hot sister. Close knit group. My best mate was going out with the hot sister for a while, the my other close friend and the hot sister got it on after a night out and screwed in my Best mates bed while he was at work.

Guilty party became guilty. My close friend told my best mate. Well lets jsut say shiot hit the fan. Close group... Dissolved.

Left the non-guilty party feeling waaay too awkward around those others. People taking sides. People not wanting to take side. Horrible stuff. I didn't even do anything, but # went to hell with me.

To all you people cheating. SCREW YOU ALL!!!! You're either with someone or not. DON'T have it both ways and DON'T take the risk. It's not worth it. You DESERVE more than that from yourself. Your friends DESERVE more than that from you. Your significant other DESERVES more than that, and so does the person you're cheating with.

Adultery has been around since relationships started.
I find it wholly repressive to be tied down to one woman.
There are so many women out there, try them and you will see.
Being married should not stop you experiencing pleasure.

You don't eat soup everyday of your life. You mix it up but it does not mean you do not love soup.

I have never been faithful and myself and my wife of 4 years always introduce a female to the equation once a month. Its natural and enlightening. I would not just be with one woman ever. How boring and PC.

I live once, so I will experience as many women as possible. Within reason a s lately there are lots of ugly women springing up all over the place. But money can buy you all sorts of carnal delights while at work or away for the weekend.

Call me what ever you like, a pig, the C word, whatever. I know most men would love to play the field for the rest of their lives and still have someone at home to come home to. Its primal and MALE. We are programmed for spreading our seed.

reply to post by TheManipulator


words elude me!..all i can do is laugh! lol

BUT that being said...if both parties are aware of the situation and are happy with it then there is no harm being done...each to their own i say

Originally posted by Aeons
I UTTERLY disagree.

Someone who is screwing around without the knowledge of their partner, is RISKING THAT PERSON'S LIFE.

They have every right to know.

And I UTTERLY disagree with you. What gives you the right to insinuate yourself into someone else's life? And how do you know your information is correct? What iff you are passing on rumor and innuendoo? After all, you didn't actually OBSERVE this happening did you? Butt out of other peoples' lives. You have no right to be there. You know about "casting the first stone," don't you? Who made you judge and jury?

reply to post by TheManipulator


that is your choice, and as long as your partner is aware of it and you 'dumped' her told her that you are moving on before going with sombody else, then you are doing nothing wrong.

however to pretend you love sombody and live with them, whilst sneaking around with somebody else without your partner being aware of the situation so they can make their choice wether it is something they accept or if they should move on, IS the lowest thing anybody could do.

you would be forcing your partner into a situation they did not choose, and were unaware of, everybody deserves honesty, especially those you are closest to. people are not toys.

Originally posted by schuyler

Originally posted by Aeons
I UTTERLY disagree.

Someone who is screwing around without the knowledge of their partner, is RISKING THAT PERSON'S LIFE.

They have every right to know.

And I UTTERLY disagree with you. What gives you the right to insinuate yourself into someone else's life? And how do you know your information is correct? What iff you are passing on rumor and innuendoo? After all, you didn't actually OBSERVE this happening did you? Butt out of other peoples' lives. You have no right to be there. You know about "casting the first stone," don't you? Who made you judge and jury?

A person's right to the health and sanctity of their body is absolute.

I will butt my head into something if I know that a person's actions are putting another in danger.

I see you punch your kid in the head, you may rest assured I am the person who called the cops on you.

If I know you are screwing around on your partner, and I know your partner doesn't know....I will tell them.

I will not butt out.

I will not be the person who stood aside and allowed another to die from lack of knowledge because it was UNCOMFY to tell.

You don't like it - I don't suggest you be my friend.

reply to post by Aeons


were not talking about child abuse here cuz believe me if i saw a child being abused i would inform authorities, however we are talking about someone having an affair outwith a PRIVATE relationship, where ADULTS are involved, who are u or anyone to butt in and say whats what? if u were family and were being affected by the actions then yes fair enough, however to be an OUTSIDER and take it upon yourself to stick ur nose in without knowing the ins and outs (no pun intended) could make the situation worse.

example....say you knew a man was having an affair behind his wifes back, and you told the wife, and that evening she shot her husband and the woman he was having the affair with...could u in good conscience live with yourself knowing that your actions led to to people being murdered?!

but hey at least the wife cud go get an std test now that she knows her dead husband was having an affair! and she wont suffer a premature death by std right? lol

Agreed, cheating is one of the most heinous and despicable acts you can do to another person...anyone with even a shred of decency and conscience could not carry it out. The only good thing is that it shows that persons true character and the other partner can move on and find someone much more worthy of their partnership. It is still a hideous thing to go through though and sadly it is becoming more common these days...turns my stomach just thinking about it.

Most of you are kidding right?

Your honestly telling me that if offered a sniff of something new your gonna give the "sorry im married speech"?

Really? or are you being pc for the sake of the thread?

Lets be honest, they say it takes two to tango etc.. but the truth is the woman holds all of the cards. No green light, no go. If you spot a green light something primevil takes over.

Sex aside, theres nothing more refreshing for men or women to be chatted up now and again, somehow you feel alive again and it should be encouraged.

Men talk about these conquests in the boozer dont they? and i assume women do.

Forgot to mention, OP, keep yer neb out.

Please guys and galls dont go to the grave knowing only one experience.

I wish someone had told me what my husband of 20 years was doing instead of keeping it to themselves.

My parents, my children and our friends all knew my husband had a woman he was seeing and they actually had an apartment for their meetings.

I would have been better prepared when husband told me he didn't want to be married to me anymore.

As it was I gave him 30 minutes to get what he could carry in his arms and get out of my house.

Yes it ruined my life for about 8 years. Then I started dating again and am in a great relationship now.

No more marriage for this girl ever again. The forth time being married taught me a very good lesson.

All four of my husbands committed adultry when we were married.

Two of those four are now deceased.

reply to post by jehova620


Sorry, but you have to be a wicked person with no dignity or morals to do something as abhorrent as having an affair/cheating. Being sexually attracted to other people is natural when in a relationship, emotionally getting close to someone is also natural...at least respect your partner enough to tell them and end the relationship before engaging in any acts. I truly can't understand what sort of person could carry through with all that is entailed in cheating on another that they say they care about and love...maybe that's just me.

Oh and im probably coming off a bit strong in my wording, but i have pretty much always had a near pathological dislike for people who cheat.

...@ aeons - if someone told me my man was runnin around, i'd smack em in the chops - right then, right there - because thats what they deserve for presuming they have a right to stick their nose in my biz...

...@ halfoldman - if you wanna get biblical about it - somewhere in there it says that all sins are the same and i'm purty sure that gossip is a sin... so, what we got here is a pot callin a kettle black... funny how that works...

...the road to hell is paved with what?... good intentions... yep...

reply to post by NWOnoworldorder


How many people contract a disease from a philandering spouse?

You can die. Ruin their fertility. Destroy their immune system. EAT OUT THEIR BRAIN - really.

How many men are killed by an angry wife.

One of those numbers is WAY larger than the other.

I'd rather go to my grave knowing that someone had the CHANCE to at least get themselves checked. Even if they didn't like it.

reply to post by Wyn Hawks


Good for you. If you'd prefer to die of a disease than be told, I'd take the smack. At least then the stupid woman who leaves her children without a mother is responsible for every bit of it. You wanna be that stupid, and I pointed a teeny-tiny light on how dumb you are....It'd be worth it.

anyone who falls for adultery is not worth thy mind... For in time it is your mind and spirit that will define the world we are in.. So Screw em!!!!!!


I know that is not that comforting but give it time...

Marriage has it's own special expression of love. It is the only place where you can have it in life. Often people mistake sex for love. Love and it's special bonding of trust within a marriage is as precious as it is deep. It is one of those things that most people don't realize they have until it is gone because it develops and deepens over a process of living life together.

I am a Christian and I look at the ten commandments as the most important rules governing our lives towards happiness, success and peace. One of the ten commandments tells us not to cheat because that is a betrayal and slaughter of the highest expression of love and trust between to human beings available on earth. Love is priceless. I would be very broken inside if I lost the love of my life to adultery.

So I can understand your concern for your friend. You can't do anything about it except pray for both of them. I have seen marriages healed from this kind of offense. Not often! But it is possible to forgive and rebuild the trust in time.