Didn't think this thread would take off like this.
I feel the need to share a little bit of my own experience and opinions now. The story is so long that I'm going to mutilate it for brevity's sake,
so this might seem a bit jumpy.
In summer 2003, at the age of 20, I crashed emotionally when I realized everything I had fancied myself to be was a lie. I was horribly depressed
24/7 for two years. I was in and out of therapy but couldn't stand any of my therapists. In summer 2005 I scared a therapist so badly that he told
me he was going to have me involuntarily committed if I did not go on meds.
So from summer 2005 until summer 2010 I was on a cocktail of sertraline (Zoloft) and risperidone (Risperdal).
Pulled me right out of my depression. I could get schoolwork done, and work done, and socialized more, and picked up some sports.
However, I did no work whatsoever on the problems that had been plaguing me. Basically the meds pulled me out of my downward spiral, allowing me to
work and learn and grow stronger, but at the same time allowed me to forget that I had some serious straightening out to do.
Decided in 2010 to try quitting. Very quickly I realized that I could not stand my girlfriend of 3 years. Actually I had realized it while on the
meds but just didn't care and figured she was the best I'd ever do. But off the meds I realized I'd rather be alone than with her, and sort of
realized that I've always known that.
So now here I am in December 2010. Been off the meds for a few months, and a single man for a few months. Still happy about the latter, but I've
taken up the old classic vices of booze and cigarettes. Somehow I can't say that's necessarily an improvement over Zoloft and Risperdal.
I've done a little bit of the herb too, but that always frightens me lately because when I'm on it I realize how much work I still have to do on
myself, and how much I've been stalling and putting my mind to other things and wasting time reading ATS and drinking and smoking and doing anything
other than actually focus on figuring out and solving my internal issues.
On the herb recently I came to the conclusion that maybe I'm just not strong enough yet for tackling my issues. Perhaps I need to spend more time
making some new friends (for I have none anymore at the moment), reading, learning new things, etc. Which would mean going back on the meds, because
I have not been doing any of that stuff since getting off of them. Off the meds I am a chronically depressed loner who works behind a computer in a
lonely office and can't wait till 5:00 PM so I can go home and drink.
So I've been thinking of going back on the meds. Not forever, but to reach some plateau of normalcy from which I can gain some strength (this time
without that damn girlfriend sapping it constantly) and then go off it again, get back in touch with my instincts, and do some serious work on
I don't know if this post makes any sense to anybody but me. But I thought I'd share.
If you haven't figured out, my feelings toward psychiatric meds can best be described as mixed
edit on 13-12-2010 by NewlyAwakened because: (no reason given)