Do you ever forget your first love?

Been playing on my mind recently...

Split up with her nearly 2 years ago. Been with the current girl for a year and a half.

I have not stopped thinking about her since we split. I don't think I want to be with her and am happy with my gf at the moment. However lately I keep dreaming about seeing my ex again. She lives in London and is a good hundred miles away.

I know that she was my first love. We were together for three years from the age of 17. I was a bit harsh to her (she was to me too) I guess its because we were so young... I moved to be with her and we split when i wanted to come home. Stayed in touch now and then and she got a new fella. However haven't spoken for about a year now at all. I hear how she is doing occasionally through my mate but thats it.

I am a great believer in that if things don't work then they will never work. Hence why I don't want to be with her.

But my question is will I always constantly think of her? I am starting to fantasize about contacting her again. But there is no way I would do that as she has moved on with her life and my new girl is amazing- I don't want to hurt her. (I feel bad even writing this!)

I tried talking to the lads at work about it but they just took the p*ss! (I work for a construction firm so was expected)!

Perhaps anonymous ats'ers will be more understanding!

It just torments me because i can't get her out of my head lately! Has anyone else been through this?

Cheers

It'll go away. Eventually. Your probably focusing on the what if rather focusing on the now.

I have this problem. I do not understand it either unfortunately. I have prayed to God so much over the years to get rid of her in my head if she means nothing to me now, but it has not happened! So, I basically come to just live with her love in my heart, oh well, what can I do!? right? love is good after all. It also doesn't help that I can psychically link to women and it's hard to get rid of! Idk man, just trust in God, that's what I'm doing, you never know what will happen!

reply to post by Whereweheaded


hay, you! your profile picture is NOT helping this relationship post right now! I don't care what you say, it is disturbing, especially when you are in love with a woman

No. You never do. Your first love will haunt you for the rest of your life. Sorry to be a nay-sayer, but that's just the way it works.

Remember fondly, and don't try to re-kindle; after years of contemplation, action can bring about most un-wanted results; taking one or more of many forms.

reply to post by Xinthose


Yeah I know a small part of me will always love her no matter what...

But I find that I keep remaniscing and playing over in my head the times I was harsh to her. Even though I said sorry a thousand times...Its like I feel I have to somehow make it up to her.

Its funny because I bet she doesn't even give me a second thought now!!!

Thanks for your reply

You'll change over the years and you'll probably find that in the future, you no longer have anything common with this girl anymore and maybe you'll wonder what you ever saw in her to begin with. At least that's what happened to me in a similar situation. I had a bit of a "whirlwind romance" with someone when I was a lot younger, still occasionally thought about him throughout the last long term relationship I was in and wondered if I'd ever stop thinking and wondering about him and what could have been. Then, I saw him for the first time in 4 years at a party and thought he was a complete and utter ballbag. Felt like a bit of a fool for wasting my thoughts on him.

I agree with your belief that if it isn't working out, it isn't meant to be.

You should probably just call the chick, and ask how she's doing. Nothing more, or less. "Just wanted to see how you were" - You'll get some closure out of that. If this doesn't work, tell her:

"I know what you are doing, and it isn't working. I don't love you any more, stop invading my dreams. I know people."

She might pretend like she's "confused", but it's all a lie. When dealing with psychic girls, the only way is to let them know you aren't being fooled.

reply to post by ThinkingCap


Nah fams she isn't psychic thats for sure!!!

I think that calling her would be unfair as it would probably open an old wound. Plus I would feel bad on my girlfriend if i did that....

The past is always great in retrospect, ....

... and the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.

Remember the good times but dont dwell on the past too much, .... for ye may get left in it.

I haven't even forgotten my first crushes...hehe....and I'm happily married now (will be 7 years at the end of January)....

Worse, is thinking about the ones that got away....

reply to post by KingDoey

My first love was 34 years ago. (To give you some context, I had finished high school well before then.) Yes, I'd had some infatuations but this was my first true love.

Do I still think of her from time to time? Yes, I do. I think of her and wonder about her, but most of all, I'm always grateful for that wonderful, first experience of falling in love. And that's something you can take from what you experienced together. Take it as a blessing, because even though you can fal in love more than once, the first time is special and something to be treasured.

My grandparents were two of the most fortunate people I ever knew. They first met when both were just seventeen, and it was truly "love at first sight" -- and first love for both of them. They went out together for four years until they married at 21. Well, even though everyone told them it wouldn't last because they were "too young", they were married for 67 years until my grandmother passed away.

In the year before my grandmother died, my grandfather told me "I've always loved her, but I love her more now than I ever have." And this after sharing their lives for 71 years all told.

Isn't that wonderful?

But such wonders are rare, and most of us will not stay with our first love. But we never really lose them as long as we keep a place for them in our minds, our hearts, our dreams, our memories. So bless those good memories and hold them precious. They add something to who you are.

Best regards,

Mike

reply to post by JustMike


Bless your grandparents mate.

My aunt and uncle are the same. Yeah I am grateful for the experience, I guess its just I am wondering what if all the time.

Maybe we will meet again in another life

Cheers for all responses folks

Nah, she'll understand. "Hey new girlfriend, I was an ass to my old girlfriend, I want to make sure she isn't doing really bad."

Every girl likes knowing the dude they are dating isn't going to pretend they never existed provided a break-up happens.

I'm telling you, keep it simple. You don't have to tell either of them that you are having these, eh dreams. That'd be a no-no. Calling to make sure someone is alive is all that it would be, and you'd feel better about it.

Chivalry, not a fun word to spell, but girls seem to appreciate it.

reply to post by KingDoey

Don't worry about the "what ifs" too much. There are a million possible what ifs in our lives, but most often, we only think about them when something major happens (often something negative).

Far better to think about the possible "what will be", because while we can't do much about the past, we sure can try and do something about the future. I wouldn't contact her if I were you. Not now. Just keep those good memories tucked away and go on with life. All will be cool.

Mike

reply to post by Xinthose


Ok, oh mighty brilliant one, what the hell does my avatar pic have anything to do with this topic? Are you unable to conjure up a constructive thought, or do you make it a habit to make fundamentally stupid comments?

Originally posted by KingDoey

I am a great believer in that if things don't work then they will never work. Hence why I don't want to be with her.

edit on 13-12-2010 by KingDoey because: (no reason given)

edit on 13-12-2010 by KingDoey because: (no reason given)

This is probably the reason why you are thinking about her, because anything worth having is worth fighting for.
And I do mean that literally and metaphorically. Just because something doesn't work out doesn't mean it will never work out or else my and my husband would have been divorced years ago.(sometimes I'm not the easiest person to be around and I have worked on that) Really did you give it your best shot and if not your probably regretting it. I know that I will always love the people I loved before my husband because if it's real it doesn't ever go away it just changes. My husband is my soul mate(laugh if you want too) but each man that I loved before him helped shape who I am today, the person my husband can't live without. I don't carry a torch for the ones I loved before but I do have a spot in my heart for each one. People don't realize how much love the human heart is capable of.

No you dont.

May I share a story about me and my first love?

Over twenty years ago me and my first love broke up. I physically felt my heart break.

Life went on, and for whatever reason we never got in touch over the years, and I thought of him often.

Fast Forward twenty years, a friend of mine ran into my first love, and he asked for my number, which I gave to my friend to give to him.

We met, he stayed for the evening, and let me just say this.

Let your first love go, cherish those memories, and let them remain memories.

I wish I had.

Not that he was awful, he was the same kind and funny guy I used to know, but boy life has been ROUGH for him, and it was clear he had done some very hard drugs in the last twenty years.

I haven't spoke to him since.

Time heals all wounds and all that. It is true.

You will never forget that first love. Time will pass and you will find a real love, someone that you will share the rest of your life with...and you will be happy.

But then...20 years...30 years... and there will be a day...just like the best day ever with her...and you will hear that song...you know the one.... and it will all flood back...and you will be so melancholy... for a while.

Then you will look into the eyes of your true lover, and be glad that you live in the now and not the then...

but she will always be there...walking the back halls of your memories until you die. C'est la vie.

Trust me... 25 years later... and every now and then, I still see her in my dreams.

reply to post by KingDoey

After it's over, it is easy to focus on the good things, and aspects you miss about her. However, it is harder to remember the reasons you broke up. Try to remember those moments. You can never go home. You can never go back. Trust that you are where you are supposed to be.