Originally posted by Pirateofpsychonautics
I would just like to congratulate you and your staff on the superb job of persuading the human race that the moon is NOT composed of cheese.
As we know, it is a quite difficult and often tedious task of the caterers to arrange the desired quantity of cheese to be accompanied with the
quantity of crackers consumed at both social and professional events organised by the Galactic Alliance and the humans (especially those damned
"French!") have quite an astute appetite for it.
Furthermore, I look forward to viewing your departments broadcast to earth this coming Monday "Doomsday:Are We F#*%'ed or Has The 'Apocalypse' Been
Misinterpreted As A Celebration Of A Gaming Landmark ?"
The Sales Team
We're not sweating cheese discovery anymore, though some thought that was a close-call back in the late 60's Terran time. Ha! But we told you, we had
that covered. No brainer, we kept the thrust of their space exploration centered in Florida, Texas, and California. All the hotshots drove
convertibles and applied that logic to their planetary expeditions. No one ever thought to look inside! They just stayed on the surface out in the sun
and thought they had it all covered.
The only problem we thought we might have then was when that first bunch started poking around out there. Our Arcturan cow likes to lay with her back
against the sun side and was getting a little unsettled and irritated when she felt their activities vibrating up and down her spine.
Our sentry was asleep I guess and we didn't even know it was them; we'd seen them buzzing overhead a few times before but that time they actually came
down to pick up some rocks and make some ruckus. Well, with ol' Betsy getting irritated we had to send someone out to take a look and when that
Armstrong guy saw us I know he must have soiled his suit. "Look at the size of them suckers! Didja see that?!?" Ha ha, I about had to change my
shorts when I heard that. If he'd seen the size of one of Betsy's teats it would have changed his WHOLE perspective. But for the company picnics you
guys promote that's the kind of cheese output needed. Besides, once the greys lathered in that and word got around that's what they insist on now.
The Venusian oven detail has no problem keeping up with needed cracker output but now that we got them doing our pizzas there has been some complaint
about getting them to your clients within the now standard practice of half-hour delivery. I mean, most time there's no problem but with the TSA
directives it's really slowing things up. I don't see why we got to go through that crud ourselves, the inspectors insist they got to get their
jollies with EVERYONE now. I've already put in several complaints about that.
Great juxtapositioning with your report. The Venus detail and Apocalypse subjects bring up another concern for our sales team to work on.
Observations over the past forty cycles have left us with a hands-down decision that the Rapture team will be picking up the Deadheads along with
giving Jerry a restart. Most agree we need to bring back Brent as well, Vince just don't cut it, Hornsby will be onboard to give him a hand as well.
The problem is with the christians who insist they have it all sewed-up, and it looks like they may have a legitimate gripe. We were going to pick
them up as well but then drop them off at Venus for oven detail by telling them they just didn't make the cut for upstairs. That would have solved all
our output problems for crackers, pizza, lasagna, and baked goods, but now they are complaining about their contract with Jess. To make matters worse
a few of them even bought the Sub-Genius contract for eternal salvation and the Triple-Money Back guarantee is causing contractual concerns.
So, where it stands is that we are looking for a suitable venue for relocation. There is just no way we can leave them on Earth because those who will
inherit it don't want them either, and really, we're a more benevolent organization than to do that to them. It also messes with our Plan Venus for
expansion to a full-on Italian menu. We only need a place that's not too glorious, they know they're not signed-on for the full Paradise, 20k virgin
package, and we can pipe in harp music 24/7. As far as cable TV, they don't need or want the premium package and we can get by with giving them reruns
of The 700 Club and the Jim and Tammy shows. Internet is not needed, we can just leave a Bible in their rooms, they'll never read it anyway. Please
look into this and see what you guys can come up with. -Eron
edit on 19-12-2010 by Erongaricuaro because: it is required by