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TSA - Tyrannical Sexual Assault - The story so far!!

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posted on Dec, 10 2010 @ 02:17 AM
The TSA is a government organization under the rubric of Homeland Security (Homosexual Security). Because it is an agency which adheres to the patriot act as its bible, its sole purpose is to hand out strip searches and cavity exams at airports across the country in hopes of catching potential terrorists. In an unusual attempt to actually keep the public "informed" of their actions, the TSA has set up a blog on its website so that freedom loving Americans everywhere can be kept up-to-date on the various goings-on of the agency. However, in predictable government fashion, they somehow manage to # everything up and tend to come off as either completely ridiculous or subjective to the point of absurdity. So if Grenades: A Refresher Course on Checkpoint Etiquette sounds interesting to you, head on over and be entertained while the government records your IP address and begins to monitor your online activities.

You probably just got placed on the terrorist watch list just for reading this piece!!

In 2010 the TSA began ramping up the use of Advanced Imaging Technology to scan passengers as they attempted to board their flights. Since many objected to government rent-a-cops seeing them naked, passengers are given the ability to "opt out" of these scans. People who choose to "opt out" of the radiation bath are generously offered the alternative search method: getting groped and fondled by a TSA agent.

The Tyner Incident

John Tyner was boarding a flight with his father-in-law as they headed out of San Diego on a hunting trip. San Diego is a well known breeding ground for caucasian terrorists, so of course John was selected for the AIT scan. After responding "lol, no", he was directed to the VIP rape room. Hitting "record" on his cell phone later proved to be a big hit on YouTube.

The TSA is now saying they're going to "investigate" Tyner and possibly fine him $11,000.

Ahhhh but onto the SUCCESS story of the year:

3 YEAR old terrorist plan foiled:

The TSA has recently ruined another terrorist plot. This one was disguised as a young Thomas the Tank Engine fan. Luckily for us, after examining his penis they nabbed him and his backpack, thwarting the next 9/11.


The TSA worker will then scream so everyone can hear "OPT OUT! OPT OUT! WE HAVE AN OPT OUT!" to humiliate you and make it obvious that you are refusing the scan. You will then be groped and felt all over your body by a man if you are a man or a woman if you are a woman. You can also be subject to having them search you by sticking their hand down your pants to their wrist. You are then felt down and patted on the front and back, often in public. If they ask to take you to a private place, REFUSE CALMLY, BUT BE FIRM. These people WILL rape you at the first opportunity. They are control freaks who are in this job field because they couldn't get a job at McDonald's. This is what they want to do; humiliate and violate. Some of the TSA agents are not bad/wicked/horrible people, but this is a minority in the TSA. Just kidding they are all pedophile rapists. And don't forget, the TSA don't change their gloves so you are guaranteed to get STDs from the groping.


This wonderful new toy has been met with poor critic of late. One mother said the following:

I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed.
Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!". But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.
The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I've heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I'll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush).

Another concerned mother said:

My family was planning a vacation to Europe, so I purchased this item to teach my twins about what to expect at the airport and hopefully, alleviate some of their anxiety. We also downloaded the actual TSA security checklist from the American Airlines website and then proceeded with our demonstration.

Well, first we had to round up a Barbie and a few Bratz dolls to play the other family members, so that cost us a few extra bucks at the Dollar General and it is aggravating that the manufacturer did not make this product "family-friendly." Of course, since the playmobil Dad could not remove his shoes or other clothing items, unlike the Barbie, the playmobil security agent became suspicious and after waving her wand wildy a few dozen times, called her supervisor to wisk the Dad into a special body-cavity search room, (which incidentally led to quite an embarasing and interesting discussion with my twin daughters about personal hygiene and a slight adjustment to the rules we had them memorize about touching by strangers). But worst of all, since the suitcase did not actually open, the baggage inspector made a call to the FBI and ATF bomb squads which then segregated the family's suitcase (which btw was the only suitcase they provided for our educational family experience) and according to the advanced TSA regulations, had to blow it up, (since they could not otherwise mutilate the luggage, break off the locks and put one of those nice little advisory stickers on it), which we had to simulate out in the backyard with a few M-80s and other fireworks. The girls started crying. They became so hysterical by the whole experience that we could not even get them in the car when the time came to actually take our trip, and so we had to cancel the whole thing at the last minute, losing over $7,000 in airfare and hotel charges that we could not recoup do to the last minute cancellations.
We've now spent an additional $3,000 to pay for the girls therapy and medication over the past year since this incident occurred, and the psychologists have told us that this will affect them for life, so much for their college fund and our retirement. Then, to top it all off, when we tried to use to playmobil phone to call the company to ask for reimbursement, as you might expect, of course the damn thing didn't even work; neither did our efforts to e-mail them using the computer screen on the baggage checkpoint; and our real-life efforts to contact them to obtain re-imbursement have also likewise been ignored. Worse yet, we had the product tested and found out that it was positive for both lead paint and toxic chemicals, having been manufactured in China by workers holding formerly American jobs, so now we all have cancer and have been given only another year or so to live. My advice - educating your kids about airport security with this toy may actually be more harmful to them than just packing them in the damn luggage with some bottled water & hoping they survive.

Enjoy the TSA over the festive season!!

edit on 10-12-2010 by 30thjan1933 because: (no reason given)

posted on Dec, 10 2010 @ 03:30 AM
Lmfao... Brilliant.. Ta for a good laugh..

posted on Dec, 10 2010 @ 03:52 AM
reply to post by Expat888

It always good to have a laugh at people in power, who abuse that responsibility to the magnitude of the TSA.


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