A Man's Diary

Dear Diary,



I never have quite figured out why the sexual urges of men & women differ so much. And I have never figured out the whole 'Venus and Mars' thing. I've also never figured out why men think with their head while women think with their heart. And I've yet to figure out how the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do".

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says: "I don't feel like it, I
just want you to hold me".
I said: "WHAT??????"

So she says the words that I and every husband on the planet dread. She
explains that I must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
I'm thinking: "What was her first clue?". I finally realized that nothing
was going to happen that night, so I went to sleep. The very next day, we
went shopping at a big, unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on three different very expensive outfits. She could not
decide which one to take so I told her to take all three of them. She then
tells me that she wants matching shoes worth $200.00 a pair to which I say ok. And then we go to the jewelry dept. where she gets a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you........ she was so excited. She must have thought that I was one wave short of a shipwreck, but I don't think she cared. I think she was testing me when she asked for a tennis bracelet because she does not even play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I told her that it was ok. She was so excited by all of this when she finally said: "I'm ready to go to the cash register". I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out: "No, honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." You should have seen her face......it went completely blank. I then said,
"Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while". And just
when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man".


I figure that I won't be having sex again until sometime after the spring of
2008.

ROFLMAOASHFUYFC&YRXRYZUJKYHGTDR&UYJTFDT^&**(Y*(%%&$#^E&W!!!!!


Jesus, but that was hilarious. Aww, man. That was smart, KillerD!

That was grand!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some women do need a good old slap back to reality

That is very nice and funny but you been my husband I would have taken the stuff and hit you with it, ha, ha, ha, But what can I say I always been and independat women and I don't need my husband aproval for any purchases I made.

Dear, I think you are not going to have sex for a long time, so better go and get some flowers for the poor laddy. and some chocolates too.

No way! Get her nothing! If she wouldnt have lead you on, then I could see it working out differently. But she lead you on! She needs to know how it feels! Now, I wouldnt do it again...but dont kiss her ash. Like Ferris Bueler said:
"You cant respect somebody that kisses your as*"

I can't claim this story recieved it in the email and just thought I'd pass it on. If it was me my wife would've already cut my nut's off.

TextNo way! Get her nothing! If she wouldnt have lead you on, then I could see it working out differently. But she lead you on! She needs to know how it feels!

Not, That is not right, obviously you are not married, I have for 23 years and happy, and one thing my husband understand is that women do not forget anything, and making up with her and explaining why he did it the faster she will put it out of her mind and be back to what he wants ( sex ).