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ATS Unleashed: Joke of the Week!

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posted on Feb, 23 2012 @ 11:02 AM
Some Star Wars jokes

What do you call a Sith who won't fight?
A Sithy.

You might be a redneck Jedi if ...

You prefer the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."
The doors on your X-Wing are welded shut and you have to climb in through the windows.
You've used a light saber to light the barbecue grill.
The disturbance you detected in the Force was last night's baked beans.

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber?
A Sith-Kabob!

posted on Feb, 26 2012 @ 08:29 PM
what do you call a bull thats jerkin off?

beef stroganoff lol:

posted on Feb, 26 2012 @ 08:32 PM
Why Germans jokes don't work.

Example: German Knock knock joke.

"Knock, knock",

"Whose there?"

"The Gestapo".


posted on Mar, 4 2012 @ 04:29 PM
My apologies if these aren't PC enough
I'll start off easy.

Q: Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7 "8" 9...

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in front of a door?
A: Matt

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs swimming in a lake?
A: Bob

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing?
A: Skip

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuck in a hole?
A: Doug

posted on May, 4 2012 @ 02:34 PM
post removed for serious violation of ATS Terms & Conditions

posted on May, 6 2012 @ 04:00 AM
Obama,Putin and Papandreou(exPM of Greece) meet god.Obama first approaches god and asks:
"When America will be great again?" and god answers in a 100 years.Obama starts crying and says "but i will be dead in a 100 years"
Then Putin asks the same question and god answers:"in 200 years".Putin starts crying and says:"but i will be dead in 200 years"
And finally Papandreou asks God:"When will Greece will be great again".God starts crying and says:I will be dead by that time"

posted on May, 8 2012 @ 06:12 AM
I walked into a store the other day and I saw a blind man who was holding onto his seeing eye dog's leash and he had his dog up in the air twirrling it around in circles, I said, “What the hell are you doing?” and he said, “Looking around.”

posted on May, 8 2012 @ 06:15 AM
reply to post by IrVulture

What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs?


lmao I hope that one doesnt get me in trouble

posted on May, 8 2012 @ 12:57 PM
Three guys walk into a bar...

You'd think atleast one of them would've seen it.

posted on Jun, 2 2012 @ 10:29 PM
Yesterday I sent out texts to all of my friends saying "I lost my cell, would you call it for me?" By the time the sun had started to set, 7 of my friends had called me, and a couple even texted me to ask if I had found it yet. I think I may need smarter friends.

posted on Jun, 30 2012 @ 12:38 AM
The difference between men and women:

A married woman stayed out all night, arriving home in the morning. Her husband asked where she had been. She replied "I stayed at a friend's house". He then called her 10 best friends; no one knew a thing.

Meanwhile, a man didn't come home one night; when he got home the next morning his wife asked where he'd been. He replied "I stayed at a friend's house". She called his 10 best friends...8 of them confirmed that he did stay there overnight, and the other two said he was still there.

posted on Jul, 9 2012 @ 07:50 PM
A Texan a Muslim & an American Indian are standing having a conversation. The American Indian say's " Once their were many of my people... now we are few". The Muslim say's " Once my people were few now we are many". The Texan say's ..." It's obvious you all have never played Cowboys & Muslims have you"....

posted on Jul, 14 2012 @ 04:12 PM
Two fellows talking in a bar.
One of them says, "The doctor told me that after the surgery I would start walking again".
The other asks, "Well, how did it go? Did it work?".
He replies, "Sure did... the Doc was so right... I had to sell the car to pay for the surgery and now I'm walking again!".

posted on Jul, 16 2012 @ 12:51 PM
reply to post by creatureme
that was just too good...

posted on Jul, 23 2012 @ 01:32 PM
Two fish in a tank.
One turns to the other and says “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

posted on Jul, 26 2012 @ 08:26 AM
A black man is going to get a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor's office wearing a suit. The doctor says, "Why are you wearing a suit?" The black man says, "I just got back from a funeral"

Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work?
He was weird.
edit on 26-7-2012 by KaiserSoze because: Confucius say man who learn to masturbate come in handy!

posted on Aug, 6 2012 @ 10:47 AM
... Jewish is leading, Russian behind his neck, Polish is the third! Oh, Jewish drawned, Russian is now leading, Polish is second... Russian drawned... Polish drawned, tooo...
Pitty, we've got no winner in this discipline, buuuut, dear listeners of Radio-Berlin, I guess you know how it's hard to swim in sulphuric acid!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello, dear listeners, what we've got here today?
The waterpolo tournament semi-finals.
First match: Yugoslavs, in their traditional blue caps, against Russians, in their traditional red caps, and the second one: Jewishes, in their traditional yellow caps, against the alligators, in their traditional green caps.
Final match, tommorow 3 P.M., winners will fight for gold, and, in my opinion, there will be no match for bronce...

edit on 6-8-2012 by dragnik because: To add another

posted on Aug, 6 2012 @ 11:00 AM
Two eggs boiling in a saucepan of water....

One egg says to the other, "Wow, it's hot in here."

The other egg says, " Bloody hell a talking egg."

posted on Aug, 13 2012 @ 10:08 PM
A guy walks into a restaurant and says "I want the alligator stew - and make it snappy!!!!!!"


posted on Aug, 19 2012 @ 05:09 AM
A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.

She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.

The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.

She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,

I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.

At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way

the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks,

"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"

"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."

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