Two men are sitting at a bar when a third one walks in. He walks up to the bartender and says: "Give me 20 shots of vodka". The bartender hands them to him and the guy drinks.

When he's finished, he gets up and starts walking on the walls and roof, over and over again. He finishes the stunt with a triple backflip. Content, he walks out.

The guy on the bar says to his friend: "Did you see THAT?"
The friend answers: "Yeah... He left without paying!

Originally posted by Casandra
Two men are sitting at a bar when a third one walks in. He walks up to the bartender and says: "Give me 20 shots of vodka". The bartender hands them to him and the guy drinks.

When he's finished, he gets up and starts walking on the walls and roof, over and over again. He finishes the stunt with a triple backflip. Content, he walks out.

The guy on the bar says to his friend: "Did you see THAT?"
The friend answers: "Yeah... He left without paying!

edit on 20-4-2011 by Casandra because: Spelling

Same joke alternate ending:

Bartender: Oh that Spiderman is such a show off.

Ok
Guess my first post may as well be a lame joke. Here goes.

Why are turds tapered?

So your a@@Hole doesn't slam shut.

...I am so ashamed. ....No really

Whats the difference between Simba and Obama.

Simba is an African Lion.

Obama is a Lyin African.


Its a joke. honest.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns and repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely; but we are a little puzzled.

We checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is - why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The blond replies…..”Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

just come back from visiting a friend in hospital. As i was leaving, i heard a voice
saying "wee,sleekit,cowrin',tim'rous beastie, oh what a panic's in thy breastie"
coming from a side room. When i asked a nurse if that was the Psychiatric ward, she replied
"no,..............
that's the Burns unit"

My friends 4 and a half year old told me this one tonight.

"How does a banana know he has crossed the road"

"because he split"


It was so cute when he said it lol

Such a shame the Mods didn't like my jokes. Oh well. Here's one a Scandanavian would appreciate.

What's the difference between Norway and Sweden? Swedes have nice neighbors.

Girl: Does this sweater make me look fat?
Guy: No, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater makes you look like Grimmis(sp?).

For you House fans:
Dr Foreman: I think your argument is specious
Dr House: I think your tie is ugly.

One more:
Paul Bourget: I suppose life can never get entirely dull to an American, because when he can't strike up any other way to put in his time he can always get away with a few years trying to find out who his grandfather was.
Mark Twain: But I reckon a Frenchman's got his little standby for a dull time, too, because when all other interests fail, he can turn in and see if he can't find out who his father was.

Abovetopsecret.com

Q: Why don't Tuna swim past Townsville?

A: Because they do not want to end up in Cairns

.deleted

I couldn't find the thing that peels the potatoes and carrots, then I remembered,
she was at work.

Yesterday, Mr Whippy was found dead covered in ice cream and hundreds and thousands.
Police think he topped himself.

A 3 legged Bear walks into a bar and says..

Anybody seen my Paw?

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees,
I thought she was joking................................
.............. And then I saw her face.

My wife is leaving me because of my lack of concentration camps are awful aren't they.

Just got back from Blackpool & never going back.
On the seafront I saw a man and a woman having a shouting match, then the woman smacked the guy in the head & they started fighting.
A policeman showed up but instead of trying to calm things down he hit the bloke with his baton.
In the end the guy got it off him and started hitting the policeman AND his wife.
Then a crocodile came and stole all the sausages!