ATS Unleashed: Joke of the Week!

JustMeLiverpool
My mate just asked what ringtone I have!
I answered
"Never really looked, but probably a light brown"!

Best so far, I actually laughed so hard!

reply to post by HomerinNC


HA HA too funny
Sorry im at 18 post and need my 20

What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip?



Killed in a tunnel.

JustMeLiverpool
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees,
I thought she was joking................................
.............. And then I saw her face.

Now am a believer lol

Went for a Pelican Curry the other night, it tasted delicious but the bill was huge.


Two liars were walking down the street when one turned to the other and said,
"see that Cliff over there? I threw myself off it the last night."
And the other replied " I know I saw you."

I fainted in a curry house when i heard REM had split up.
Thats me in the korma.

Whats green and brown and floats through walls?
Casper the friendly snooker table.

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was intense.

What have Justin Bieber and Adolf hitler got in common?
They both have moustaches...apart from justin Bieber.

reply to post by fenian8
[mo

Lol at the two liars one

A jew and his Palestinian friend enter a bakery and the Palestinian puts three breads in his pocket and says how cool is that? The Jews says watch this and approaches the baker. He says I am a magician do you want to see a magic trick. The baker says sure. Give me one of these breads. He eats it. Give me another. he eats it give me one more, he eats it and the baker says where are my breads and the Jews says look in his pocket.

An American stunt man goes to Morocco and decides to jump of a minaret with a bungee cord. He goes to the local market and buys fifty meters of bungee cord, a harness and some carabiners. He Jumps and just as he is about to hit the floor bounces back to the amazement of the whole crowd. Momo short for Mohamed says I can do that. He goes to the same merchant and buys the same thing the American did he jumps and when he hits the floor he is pronounced dead. The police investigate and ask the merchant what he sold to Momo. I sold him the same I sold the American but since he is a family friend I gave him an extra five meters.

CATHOLIC COFFEE


Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.


The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest , when he walks into a room, and everyone calls him ' Father '."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'YourGrace '."


The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal . When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."


The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'YourHoliness' ."


Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies, "I have a daughter ,

Slim,
Tall,
38D breast,
24" waist,
34" hips.
When she walks into a room people say,
"Oh My God."

What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic?


Someone who stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.

occult humor



Q: Why was famed occultist Alister Crowley in a seemingly perpetual irritable or grumpy mood?


A: Because he had achieved the esteemed spiritual grade of Ispissymuch

Why don't midgets make good chefs?
The steaks are too high.

"I stand corrected", said the man in the orthopedic shoes.

There was a prison break and I saw a midget climbing down the wall, escaping. As he jumped down he sneered at me. I thought to myself, “Well that’s a little condescending.”

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyoncé.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll just see about that.

A man goes to meet his estranged, married daughter at a cafe in a small town. He says, my daughter, I have not met you since your mother and I divorced. I hope you are well.

There is a grand sort of sincerity in this mans eyes.

I am doing quite well, the daughter replies and says; we are happy, my husband and I.

The daughter has mixed feelings about her father. She loves him, in a way, but their parting was early and painful, and difficult to understand for a small child. They have little in common, it is hard for them to renew their relationship.

I am doing well too, the father replies to his daughter.

Then they share some small talk and part, getting on with their lives.

a reply to: HomerinNC
Yo mama's so classless, she could be a Marxist Utopia!

When does a carpenter nail a job?

When he doesnt screw everything up

I bought a rocket for the wife...she is over the moon.