posted on Nov, 9 2010 @ 11:23 AM
Today I'm asking for help regarding a problem I've had for years. Simply put I have no passion. I have yet to find a reason for my existence.
As a child I did not have any dreams or aspirations, no secret ambition to be prime minister, or an astronaught or a policeman...it just didn't
happen. Nothing I was exposed to grabbed my attention or set fire to my thoughts. While others have always had goals and plans, I managed to flit
about willy nilly without a care in the world...the problem being, that as a man with well above average intelligence I have always had a nagging
suspiscion that something was wrong with me. But as a child I managed to convince myself that it would happen eventually, and so I waited, I
experienced, I grew and still nothing.
Flash forward to near the end of high school. I've accomplished much, from public speaking to large crowds, running for student council and winning,
writing for 3 newspapers(one a slightly tabloidesque national paper) going through cadets and sports and winning awards and accolades. It all felt
hollow. Others felt pride and maybe a nudge in the right direction, getting ready for their next step in life while I worried incessantly about not
knowing what I wanted to be when I grew up. Still I realized I'm young! I'm about to head to university, even though I don't have a clue about who
I want to be I'm sure this will be the place to figure it out.
Flash forward again, I'm an educated person, working a dead end job. Living the plan b life (as reference to another thread) not unhappy but not
overly impressed. During one of my brow beating sessions, where my mother decries the waste of not using my gifts, I asked her a very simple question,
when have I ever seemed like something mattered to me? She was dumbstruck, referencing failures but unable to come up with a succinct and plausible
answer, so I asked my friends...little use as well.
I always thought that something would show itself as the reason for me to be here. But instead I am left with questions. Why am I unable to find a
passion that will lead me to fulfillment, I do not wish to settle. How do I discover what is important to me? As I've done a poor job of it. What
does it feel like to find your niche? How many people are like me, searching for something to stand stark naked in front of them screaming "this is
you!"?
I wish for more, I want a direction. My family views me as the quick witted failure and I'm tired of it. Simply put, how do you discover what is
important to you?