Various questions about my concerns in relationship issues

I was wanting to see if I can help with the various I have with getting into and keeping a relationship going. At 21 years old I have been in countless on and off again relationships. Which I felt more and more like a man; as well a chump! I had different types of girlfriends and women who I went out with. Many were attracted to me, others I truly thought as a young person feel in love with, and so forth. I hate to admit. When I was younger I looked at women with lust. I thought as a man I didn't have to do much to be in a relationship. A lot this changed when I was dating. I helped one ex with her depression. I received a "thank you". Which melted my heart of course. Yet it matured me. It made me realize how I should mature myself and start respect others; as well help my girl. Now story telling aside. I find it harder now to get into a relationship. I feel stuck in a dead end. I'm maturing faster then my peers but I'm still in high school. From being over weight, not knowing how to drive and various family issues I have sunk to a new low. making me regretting my foolishness when I was a teenager. Slowly, but surely I'm getting on my feet and achieving my dreams. I would like to know how I can attract a woman into a lasting relationship. Which I would like to date her first. How could I also keep it fresh and make it stronger as well? If you would like to know more about my past experiences and see where I have to improve please tell me! Thanks!

You have some pretty high stats on ATS, yet you're 21 and still in High School and do not drive, (and you say you are over-weight).

So you want to know how to attract and keep a good woman? I would suggest getting off the internet, finishing school, learn to drive, get a job, buy a car, eat right and exersize, and stop acting like a bad stereotype of a techno nerd. The other thing you could do is meet another techno nerd, fall madly in love, and have weekend WoW LAN parties with her in your mom's basement.

I'm just going off the information in your post. If this is not who you are, then I appologize.

reply to post by Romantic_Rebel


Dear Romantic_Rebel,

Very emotional post there! I am nearly twice your age, so I think I am in a good position to advise you here. At 21 my friend, you are still not as mature as you would think you are. It is a known fact that women mature far quicker than men. You call yourself a man, yet I would strongly disagree and from experience still call you a boy. That is not derogatory in the least I may add.

JonInMichigan made some good points, albeit slightly harsh in delivery. If you truly want to attract a woman and in the hope of having a mature relationship with her, then the best recommendation I can give you is quite simple: Learn to love yourself first and find inner confidence. In today's society there is a wide mixture of body type, social type, work type etc.. so there will always be someone out there for you. Trying to find that someone will not work however. It is far far more complicated than that.

What a woman, or in your case a young woman will notice before anything else is persona. First impressions count so looking after yourself is a must, that does not necessarily mean you need to hit the gymn and lose 5 stone and become an Arnold-esque body type. What you need to show is confidence, and confidence in yourself! Women want differing things, and sadly some will just pass you over because you don't have that "outward" persona they are looking for. Good! Those weren't the ones you were after anyway. They would have wanted you for your 500 dollar watch, nice car and the rest. They, a bit like you, don't truly know what they want.

I would strongly advise you go buy a copy of Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. Read it. It has some very good insights into the basic differences between men and women. We are very different beasts, but essentially both sexes want the same thing, acceptance and respect.

It may not be such a bad idea to escape from the Net a little. Although it's not a bad thing to have such a high post count at your age, however having a driving license will allow you the freedom and seperation from parental links which will help in attracting a mate. A flash car is not a requirement!

Be aloof, be different, be funny and most of all be confident in who YOU are, not who you think that woman wants you to be.

In the end you will find someone, but at 21 years of age you really should not be so concerned with these things. Truly. Enjoy your youth, and everything will come in time. Most women your age will be looking for an older man, that is simply how things go. When you hit 25 you will then start attracting the "right" women for you.

I hope my post helps you, go find and read that book!

Regards,
T

Well, I didn't need to be harsh, but from the looks of his ATS stats he spends a lot of time online.

Add that to the fact that he is still in HS at 21 (unless there is some good reason like being out of school for medical, etc), then he is not focusing on his studies.

Women like guys who are somewhat smart and independent, able to drive them someplace on a date, etc. Just being brutally honest that those things need to be fixed too... along with the fluffy bunny stuff mentioned above.

How can he take a woman out when he is still living like a 16 year old at 21? Just sayin'.

The high school I attend is for adults. When I was younger I never really cared about my studies. Now I take my studies seriously. Yet I'm an internet addict. My work is simple. :/

reply to post by Romantic_Rebel


That good that you're finishing school. How do you get to work without a driver's license?

edit to add:

Maybe you live in New York or some place with mass transit?

reply to post by JonInMichigan


Well the transit in my area is okay by my standers. My parents drive me to school and back. Since everyone in California is on either welfare or living together to survive. If I was alone or more better off I would be suffering out in California. Jobs are hard to come by. Thank God it's the holidays. Jobs open and then they fill up.

Get out and start living, follow your dreams, good relationships find you, NOT vice versa.

1) It looks like you're taking steps to get yourself to where you need to be (finish high school, get a car, etc.)

2) Until you do the above though, the LAST thing you need is a long-term relationship. Need to get your house in order before you go looking for it.

3) By the way, when you are LOOKING for such a relationship, is usually the best way NOT to find it. Better to just let it happen as a natural consequence. The only active steps to take are meeting people, to increase your odds. Simply math and statistics really. The more you meet, the more chances of you finding someone.

Remember, GIRLS (18-25) and WOMEN (25+) look for different things. At 21, you're in that magical gap of being able to appeal to both. Decide which one you want to play with for now...as this will determine the steps you take in meeting others. (i.e. where you try to meet them). Currently, you don't have what most of the WOMEN are looking for (security, confidence, man with a plan, etc.), so GIRLS may be your better bet. Ditch this long-term relationship idea....and just try to meet someone who makes you happy. Once in a relationship...THEN it is the time to gauge it for its long term viability...not out of the gate.

reply to post by Gazrok


Dear Gazrok,

Very well put Sir!

The difference between girls and women is a huge one. I think you (and I, yes I had to promote my post too) hit that nail right on the head.

Enjoyed reading your response.

Regards,
T

Originally posted by JonInMichigan

You have some pretty high stats on ATS, yet you're 21 and still in High School and do not drive, (and you say you are over-weight).

So you want to know how to attract and keep a good woman? I would suggest getting off the internet, finishing school, learn to drive, get a job, buy a car, eat right and exersize, and stop acting like a bad stereotype of a techno nerd. The other thing you could do is meet another techno nerd, fall madly in love, and have weekend WoW LAN parties with her in your mom's basement.

As a woman, I have to agree with this guy. Especially living in California, where there are well muscled men around. If you have to rely on transit, or parents to get around, this is a turn-off, even for girls as young as 16. A guy should know how to drive, and have his own vehicle, even if it's an old pickup truck.

If you're still living at your parents house at 21, this will also be a huge turn-off for many girls/women. Canada might be a bit different, but by the time my son was 21, he was driving his own vehicle, working, going to college, and working out at the gym every day. I noticed if we went out to lunch anywhere, he knew a lot of very pretty girls. He has always had a steady girlfriend too.

It's time to restrict your computer use some, learn how to drive, get out more, be active and the weight should go down - get away from the burgers and eat some healthy stuff. Once you fix yourself, the girls/women will show up.

Torqpoc and Gazroc also have very good advice. They know what they're talking about.