Help! All the women "like" me at the office

Originally posted by Killface

If he does it back to them, they will know they are failing to make him uncomfortable and the behavior stops, or continues but in a context of humor, trumping the awkwardness.

This presumes it's not all in his head - and given the OP has said he suffers some form/degree of "social awkwardness" then it just might be.

reply to post by Killface


No, mirroring them like that creates a powerful connection and attraction and they'll start falling for you.

DON'T DO IT!

Resist, resist the temptation!!

reply to post by usmc858


lolol yea nothing like a real good eggy fart to put a girl off

reply to post by Haydn_17


Just tell them your views on people that aren't like you and im sure they will stop "harrasing" you.

MOTF!

I'll tell you what to do, all of them!!!! Don't forget to bring a towel, and quit being a wuss, if the women want you give them what they want don't you know manners SIR!!??

reply to post by cupocoffee


You are assuming that they are all really interested in a relationship with him, you ever consider they may be doing it to mess with him??

Even he thinks this is a possibility, and this possibility is what my advice is targeted at. Somehow from the information he provided I doubt they are clamoring to marry him.

I am a 22 year old male, and I have always been really good with women, I am also currently studying social interaction as part of my college coursework.

Originally posted by thecinic
I'll tell you what to do, all of them!!!! Don't forget to bring a towel, and quit being a wuss, if the women want you give them what they want don't you know manners SIR!!??

Yeah, but how are we supposed to "give them what they want", in the middle of a workplace, where you CAN'T have sex? Please explain oh wise one!!

Originally posted by LadySkadi

Originally posted by Killface

If he does it back to them, they will know they are failing to make him uncomfortable and the behavior stops, or continues but in a context of humor, trumping the awkwardness.

This presumes it's not all in his head - and given the OP has said he suffers some form/degree of "social awkwardness" then it just might be.

edit on 8-11-2010 by LadySkadi because: (no reason given)

This is possible, but I am going on the assumption that they are messing with his head. I mentioned my credentials on the subject in my last post, if he suffers from social awkwardness, it seems unlikely to me that he would be constantly approached by women with true interest.

Originally posted by Killface
reply to post by cupocoffee

 

You are assuming that they are all really interested in a relationship with him, you ever consider they may be doing it to mess with him??

They would not be doing the kind of posing/preening/attention-seeking behaviours he describes if they didn't want something....

You say you are good with women, you should know that by now

reply to post by Killface


Not questioning your credentials; what I am saying is that if the perception is off, the OP may misinterpret the entire situation and if "social awkwardness" is playing a part in the misinterpretation, than it's plausible that relatively typical office interactions are being mis-cast.

Only the OP knows whether this is relevant observation and thus, the OP will have to decide on his own what to do. However, I think the advise of "give it back to them" is really inappropriate from a variety of stand-points.

BTW - I have credentials too, actual credentials that apply in the professional world. It means naught, when the discussion is online and one has no way to evaluate or reference anything that is being claimed in this situation. Don't over-step, it's bad form...

Hopefully, the OP is reading with a "grain of salt" and rather than take anyone's advice on a whim, instead, consider what is appropriate and relevant in terms of the situation (actual and realistic) ...

Originally posted by cupocoffee

Originally posted by Killface
reply to post by cupocoffee

 

You are assuming that they are all really interested in a relationship with him, you ever consider they may be doing it to mess with him??

They would not be doing the kind of posing/preening/attention-seeking behaviours he describes if they didn't want something....

You say you are good with women, you should know that by now

I do know that very well, but again you are not considering the possibility that the "something" they want is simply a reaction or to play on his "social awkwardness". I see women do this ALL the time.

Originally posted by LadySkadi
reply to post by Killface

 

Not questioning your credentials (student, right?) what I am saying is that if the perception is off, the OP may misinterpret the entire situation and if "social awkwardness" is playing a part in the misinterpretation, than it's plausible that relatively typical office interactions are being mis-cast.

Only the OP knows whether this is relevant observation and thus, the OP will have to decide on his own what to do. However, I think the advise of "give it back to them" is really inappropriate from a variety of stand-points.

BTW - I have credentials too, actual credentials that apply in the professional world. It means naught, when the discussion is online and one has no way to evaluate or reference anything that is being claimed in this situation. Don't over-step, it's bad form...

edit on 8-11-2010 by LadySkadi because: (no reason given)

I agree with you 100% that the OP needs to evaluate the situation himself and pick the best course of action, I am providing advice that is ONLY relevant if my assumption that they are messing with his head is correct.

When people mess with you trying to get a reaction, the best way to get them to stop is to not react, or to react with the same behavior. Either course of action would work fine to nullify the problem IF they are messing with his head.

"Giving it back to them" is inappropriate, but if they are just playing games with him, is that not more inappropriate? My solution encourages possible future friendship with his co-workers, where the appropriate course of action (If they are messing with him) of reporting sexual harassment will not.


To everyone talking to me (I don't know how to multi-quote on this forum): Remember my advice is coming from the assumption that they are playing head games, my advice is not geared towards the possibilities that they do like him, or that he is imagining it.

reply to post by Haydn_17


It's just harmless flirting man. Why should it make your uncomfortable? Heck, I had a female boss once who loved smacking us on the ass playfully. (and no, she wasn't a looker either, but in the grand scheme of things, is this really harmful?). Yes, I'm aware it's technically harassment, just as it is with you...

BUT....

Being harassment and actually DOING something about it, are two different things. Now, you could tell these ladies this all bothers you, but of course, you're likely to have some ill will and hurt feelings as damage from it. So, is this worth the damage? Your 18 year old ideas of "liking" you are quite a bit different than these 40 somethings actually liking you. They KNOW they don't have a shot here, but that's different than you flat out telling them they don't. Why not let them have their fun (and use it to your advantage, and move up man!). I'm not telling you to sleep with one, but to allow a bit of flirting? Why not?

And no, DO NOT flirt with them the same way, as then it will only increase on their part. Now, if you have a girlfriend, that's great. Put a pic of her on your desk. (Hell, if you don't, but want them to think you do, then simply get such a pic). This will cut down on it some, but not all. This kind of thing is pretty normal in the workplace, with both sexes. You can either be the one to call harassment, or you can just suck it up as the way things are, and get on with your job. Otherwise, well, good luck elsewhere in THIS economy.

@Killface - Gotcha well said.


@OP - so after all this chatter, how do you feel now?

Originally posted by cupocoffee

Originally posted by thecinic
I'll tell you what to do, all of them!!!! Don't forget to bring a towel, and quit being a wuss, if the women want you give them what they want don't you know manners SIR!!??

Yeah, but how are we supposed to "give them what they want", in the middle of a workplace, where you CAN'T have sex? Please explain oh wise one!!

Take them to your car after work silly trickster. If you have one if not then any public restroom will work. The ones the boss doesn't use you know the nasty ones.

Even if you're shy, try talking to these women.

Just talk about normal, everyday things so they start to see you as a person instead of some young guy they can just tease when they feel like it.

They probably are doing it because they know it embarrasses you. But if you are pleasant and wish them a good morning every day, ask how they are, take an interest in whatever they have to talk about you will find that you can fit in very easily.

Women like young men, and if you can bring their more nurturing side to the fore you'll be ok. You might end up learning some very valuable lessons about how to interact with the opposite sex if you start to see this as an opportunity instead of a problem.

Good luck.

Originally posted by Killface

I do know that very well, but again you are not considering the possibility that the "something" they want is simply a reaction or to play on his "social awkwardness". I see women do this ALL the time.

Exactly, yes. They do the behavior, because they want a reaction, exactly.

Granted they may not want sex but they are still demanding attention of some form.

The chances that many individual women in the OP's workplace are behaving the same towards him are remote ... chances are much higher that he is picking up on something that isn't there because of uncalibrated sensitivities.

When everyone is exhibiting the same behavior towards a person it is usually the person themselves who is the source of the confusion. Heck at 18yo I knew even less about the female species than I do now, and I know nothing now.

Reading through this thread apparently I'm not the only one.

Haydn_17, honestly mate it might simply be something in your head or hormones, don't stress over it too much and go on about your work in a calm and professional manner. If you do that ALL your coworkers, men and women alike, will respect you and act professionally towards you.

And in the unlikely event that you're the stud of the office and all the girls wanna be with you and all the men wanna be you ... then it's time for a sexy party!

Originally posted by schrodingers dog
The chances that many individual women in the OP's workplace are behaving the same towards him are remote ... chances are much higher that he is picking up on something that isn't there because of uncalibrated sensitivities.

It really depends on the work environment. Some call centres and factories do have a lot of women, and the amount of sexual tension can easily get crazy like the OP describes. I know what he's talking about.

I would almost rather not work around a whole lot of women because the constant sexual dramas can be too much to deal with at times...