Child Support -- Vendetta Against Males

I work with this stuff daily. It does seem unfair, and even when I am helping to enforce the collections, sometimes I cringe. It is easy to take advantage of the system. However, it is just as easy for you to take advantage as it is for her. Go see the legal aid department at your local court house, or hire a decent attorney. If there is no abuse or problems, there is no reason you shouldn't have 50% custody. That would be a big change right off the bat. Then, set to work proving she has the other income and live in boyfriend.

On another note:
I am appalled at the amount of single parent households in the US. This whole child support issue goes away if people are more responsible with their sex lives!! Do not "choose" (yes it is ALWAYS a choice) to have a child with someone that you are not entirely devoted to spending at least 18 years with!

I have been the most promiscuous and risky deviant in my sexual ways for years, and I have never once had a pregnancy scare! Don't give me any excuses about "I thought this" or "I thought that," the fact is, the male always has a choice about where he leaves his "seed."

In my opinion, if some guy is stupid enough to get the wrong girl pregnant, and a poor, helpless child is the result, then those two "parents" (very loose definition) deserve every bit of hardship and sacrifice that it takes to give that child a fighting chance! The child should not have to suffer because two strangers got drunk and did something stupid and now THREE individuals are living in regret of 10 mins of stupidity that only two of them marginally enjoyed.

This entire situation is out of hand and I wish they would put me in charge of the "slap brigade" or give me a Dr. Phil show, so that I could go along smacking some sense into people that taking conceiving a child so lightly and then complain for years about having to pay for that child. It is a human being, that you made, from your own sweat and blood, and you should be sacrificing everything possible to help raise it economically, and with your own presence and time investment! There is no excuse.......I mean it.......don't even try!!!!!......there is absolutely no excuse for not being present in your child's life and doing everything possible to improve said life! If that is too much responsibility then be a little bit more careful.

reply to post by rushunt


Good God, that's horrible.

A small slice of money made by guys who have no natural responsibility is a "good gig?"

Holy crap, you guys seriously over value yourself. $200 a month isn't a "good gig."

Originally posted by Aeons
A small slice of money made by guys who have no natural responsibility is a "good gig?"

Holy crap, you guys seriously over value yourself. $200 a month isn't a "good gig."

How about 5 GRAND - every month - after tax.

reply to post by getreadyalready


And let me add that there it certainly is not "against males." The margin isn't 50/50, but it is much closer than anyone would believe. There are a lot of successful woman out there paying child support to men. There are also women out there, who have the kids the majority of the time, and still pay support to the men!! I'm not talking about "spousal" support, I am talking about child support.

The system is fair, and the government adminstration of the system is fair, now the people involved are almost never forthcoming, or fair, and they do manipulate everything, but the only "vendetta" is the one that each person has against their "ex." And the only real victims are the kids.

reply to post by leo123


If you are paying $5k per month, then you can certainly afford to. Maybe you should have treated the mother of your children a little better, or maybe you shouldn't have had children with her, or maybe if it was "all her fault" then you should have shelled out money for a better attorney and taken the kids with you.

Everything for each of us boils down to our own actions. We all know how someone gets pregnant, and we all know what could happen in a divorce. Buck up and take care of business!

There is no court or ex in the world that would have me separated from my kids. I can guarantee that. I can also guarantee that because I love my kids so much, I would never take their mother away from them. So, if that day ever came, I would make some severe personal sacrifices to make sure my kids had two loving parents and were taken care of financially, and I wouldn't whine about it.

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by getreadyalready

 

And let me add that there it certainly is not "against males." The margin isn't 50/50, but it is much closer than anyone would believe. There are a lot of successful woman out there paying child support to men. There are also women out there, who have the kids the majority of the time, and still pay support to the men!! I'm not talking about "spousal" support, I am talking about child support.

The system is fair, and the government adminstration of the system is fair, now the people involved are almost never forthcoming, or fair, and they do manipulate everything, but the only "vendetta" is the one that each person has against their "ex." And the only real victims are the kids.

Hi getreadyalready:

Not quite sure where you live, as obviousl;y every area has slightly different laws, but up until recently here in Canada matters were anything BUT fair - but they are starting to come back to reality.

www.fact.on.ca...

This was likely the tipping event that got things changing here. Please read it in it's entirety.

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by leo123

 

If you are paying $5k per month, then you can certainly afford to. Maybe you should have treated the mother of your children a little better, or maybe you shouldn't have had children with her, or maybe if it was "all her fault" then you should have shelled out money for a better attorney and taken the kids with you.

Some points:

1) I never begrudged paying it, but I must say I always had it in the back of my mind, "How TF do you spend $5g/mth on two kids when you are living in a fully paid home and I pay the school fees to boot?

2) Up here the quality of your lawyer has nothing to do with how much you pay. They take your income tax forms from the last 3 years, got to line 150, take that income amount and look it up on our Federal Child guidelines - and THAT's what you pay.

3) As mentioned in an above post, this type of system is almost tantamount to being an incetive for the mother to leave.

reply to post by leo123


Thank You, I will read it, but not until a little later. I hope I wasn't too pointed in responding to you, because the sad truth is that it almost never ends up fair. However, the "system" usually isn't to blame, it is those manipulating the system. One party either has a better attorney, or more motivation, or is more inclined to play dirty, or whatever.

I get a little excited, because in my job I see the worst of the worst from both sides. Some of the things people do are just ridiculous. Someone earlier mentioned 3 kids from 3 fathers, but that is just an average case, that isn't even in the top 40% of crazy stories.

It is appalling to me, because I know of my own actions, and I know that if I were even slightly careless, I would have dozens of illegitmate kids running around. Hell, half the woman wouldn't even know where to start if they wanted to come find me, but I would never do that because a child is involved. It can be just about "sex" but once you decide to let it be about "conception" then you have no right to complain! (Just "you" in general for men, not "you" as in Leo.)

reply to post by leo123


Hi Leo,

It is a similar system here, although it looks at the income or income potential for both parties. I do agree with you that it should not be income based. If I ever get into politics, I will address that. It should be a fairly standard rate. Why should one child get more than another? There are even cases where 2 or 3 children in the same household with different fathers, and one kid might get a huge amount while another kid gets almost nothing, so in effect the father of one child ends up paying for all 3.

I guess when I said "fair" I meant it is fair between male and female, mother and father. There is no vendetta, but it certainly is not fair from case to case.

reply to post by logicalthinking


OK. Well I hope you do understand that not all custodial parents are not that way. Let me tell you just a small part of my story, if you have a minute, or two, please.....

I am the mom of a wonderful child my ex and I share. He was a pretty good dad and step dad and husband up until one day. He was afraid he would be tossed out of his mom's will because my older kids spoke up about what his step dad did, and the man was prosecuted. My ex decided it would be better to abandon his family and divorce me than loose his mom's inheritance....... anyway.......................

Because of the mom's money I didn't pursue too much in the divorce. A lousy $260 in child support a month and 40% of daycare costs is what the courts calculated. I didn't fight for more out of fear that they would hire a high ball attorney and I would be sunk. I got to keep almost all of our belongings including the 5 years equity in the house, (the house is very old), all of it's debt also. This was 10 years ago.

After 10 years i never tried to raise the monthly amount, and the ex went downhill fast and hasn't paid for a year and a half now. There was also about two years in the middle he didn't pay either. Nothing I could do, except work my butt to keep the house and a roof over my children's heads. I have NEVER received state assistance of ANY type, just worked, worked worked. Two jobs when necessary.

Now my youngest is a senior in HS and I have to keep saying no, can't afford this, can't afford that..... it breaks my heart. She has been looking for work but we are in a fairly rural area and all the older people are taking the jobs teenagers once would work....... they don't do anything to the dad because you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip, they say. He has nothing and isn't working, so be it.

I just want you to know that sometimes, the shoe is on the other foot. But seriously, best of luck to you. I can't imagine.

reply to post by leo123


After reading through, one bit of advice comes to mind.

This is just my personal advice, I am not a lawyer, or a case-worker.

However, anybody can sign up for child support, it doesn't have to be the mother. If I were ever ordered to pay child support, I would sign up to pay it through the official channels. Paying money directly to an estranged ex is a bad idea. Years from now it could go to court and if you can't prove you made the payments, then you still owe them!

If you have to pay, then pay through the official channels.

Well op and to several others here...

Let me ask you a question?

Do you want your kids?

Yes or No?

Once that question is answered well theirs your answer... I know good advice sucks...



I posted another thread over the fact I am in the middle of a divorce... I have fought off three attacks already (yes one physical) and am not stoppinng...

If you feel you are the best parent then get ready to go back in court and fight... Fight like an insane man defending his home... Dont give the opposition room to breathe...

fight damn it fight...



organize, plan, murphy has to visit your opponents during this... A hard court battle will stress her out.... Take her back to civil court and sue ... do what ever you have to do...

yes you can take them back to court you aint defeated till you acknowledge it..



trust me if you keep going and she is the weaker she will quit... youll be singing this....

my ats thread over my divorce

never give up never surrender!!!

you have multiple options... if the judge is a man eater... learn to seduce... the cops are crooked... learn who you need to bribe...

I know My advice does not go with the others but if your serious get off your rear and get back in there champ...

You can win , a determined man does not fail merely learns....

reply to post by getreadyalready


Well said.

I have a couple of individuals working for me that insist on paying the mother directly. Then they get confused when the payments "never occured" in the courts.

For how easy it is to PROVE you made a payment (all free of charge in Canada, btw) it is absolutely ridiculous how many men still refuse to do it.

Hell, see a comissioner have them stamp the check (or a reciept of cash in envelope) and stamp the sealed envelope. Make photocopies before giving to other. Done, legal proof in your hands.

A lot of men don't seem to be aware of what they need to do to win custodial or financial arangement fights.

First rule: DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

Child support IS often not spent on the child.
I had countless arguments with my ex about the matter.
For 10 years I paid a huge chunk of cash to the wretched women.
On top of that I paid for his extra school activities,
Also, he was enrolled in Hockey at 8 years old.
any of you know what Ice fees are and gear costs. 6 years I paid that
cuz she said she couldn't afford it,. Yeah, Nice house, three cars and a husband that had a
well paid job..
I had VERY well paying job, however it had me out of town every other weekend.
I decided to start my fight for custody, However in court, she stated the only way i could win was if
I quit my travel job.( only because she didn't like my current wife, typical jealousy) So I gave
up a 6 figure income to gain custody of the boy.
Of course this was a great relief on my bank book and I basically saved the boy from a piss poor life choice with
the mother.. she was always too busy lookin at herself in the mirror and not payin attention to what was goin on with the boy and the trouble he was heading for.

So he moves in with me and things are great,.Getting A's in school and plays all sports
Good kid.
So after he turns 18 a situation arises medically that required bloodwork to be done,
A search for some family blood disorders in a health screen changed a few things.
It was revealed that the boy I was fooled into believing was by biological son,.... WAS NOT MINE.

So maybe you could imagine OUR anger to this wretched woman.
I nearly ended up in jail from being so pissed off.
SO, how about financially raising a child for 18 years not knowing he wasnt yours..

reply to post by Lil Drummerboy


I cant give you enough stars good sir...

You did a good job... Just know the love for your child has nothing to do with if the child is biologically yours...

Have you considered suing the ex for the back child support you paid for a child that was not yours...

A friend of mine did it and won.... his was a case that sounds similar to yours

He used the money to get his daughter into an ivy leauge school without having to go into debt... His daughter still calls him daddy and she said to him that no matter what the blood test said she was still his daughter... He has two grandchildren from her.... She turned out happy and emotionally well balanced...

Good men do not quit... the get tough and mad....

s to you

Speaking from experience If a man wants to avoid supporting his children both emotionaly and financialy it is very easy under English law to do so !!!
He can earn thousands ££££££ own any number of properties which I have the address of, drive a £60 0000 car yet declare he earns nothing!! nor claims any benefits!! and have a "NIL" assessment
At least I can hold my head up high !

reply to post by ripcontrol
I love the boy regardless of our situation.
I couldn't find any layers that would touch it.
Said, cuz it was found out after he was 18.

Originally posted by leo123

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by leo123

 

3) As mentioned in an above post, this type of system is almost tantamount to being an incetive for the mother to leave.

It is?

I gotta wonder how unpleasant a guy must be to live with if his child support iis set at $5000 a month and thinks it is better to be without him.

reply to post by Lil Drummerboy


They would not touch it?

screw em you could always do it yourself...

or he could sue her....

either way glad to know you....