I get it now. It's all about fear. Please consider what I have to say.

reply to post by starless and bible black


That's just it, though. It's not a small concession to me, because to me friends are people who love and accept you unconditionally (provided you aren't harming yourself or anyone else.) I could just as easily say that it's a small concession for them to accept my garb, but to them it was a large enough concession to terminate their friendship with me. And I can see their point of view, and even respect it. But I have chosen to unabashedly be who I am, ultimately.

It just comes down to what you can live with, I guess.

Here's a fact: You come in alone, you will go out alone. Be true to yourself - alone - because at the end of each and every day, you only have yourself.

Consider yourself a shining light of inspiration to those too fearful to be themselves. Be who you are and love every goofy, glorious moment of it. If it means offending some, do so with gusto. If it means encouraging others to find, accept, and love themselves in all their perfection, that's a service worthy of the saints, is it not?

Maybe all this has been a wake-up call for you to find new friends. The same happened to me some years ago and I'm happy for it. It's funny because our entire social circle has since fallen apart, with me being the first to go. Sometimes you just need to heed the call.

Be brave in your love and acceptance. Be sure you extend the same love to others. They are you. Now start reading this reply again. When you understand that there is no contradiction, you will be that much closer to Love.

reply to post by CosmicEgg


It didn't strike me as contradictory at all actually. I just don't want to think of myself as better than anyone else or an example to anyone. But I do love those who attack and judge me, for what that's worth. And I do understand and respect their point of view. I don't think I'm better than them for thinking differently than they do. I just wish it hurts less at times, is all. But they could just as easily argue that I bring it on myself. It cuts both ways, I suppose. It depends on their perspective. I can't hold that against them in my opinion.

And I too share the view that they are me and I am them. Maybe not in quite the same context, but I do try to keep that concept in mind. (Not always succeeding of course lol.)

Fear can be very useful. It permits our species to survive in many cases. Fight or flight, you know.
Fear moves us to safety, and moves us to seek help when we need it.

There are realistic fears vs. chronic irrational fears. There is a big difference.
I fear a rattlesnake. I don't fear what my friends might think about my clothing, although it might be my wish to please them at times.

reply to post by redhorse


RedHorse,

I totally agree with your assessment of things in terms of class and it being a very low level reptilian or apelike clan thinking.

However the one part I totally disagree with is the most important one.

You end your assessment with 'Im sorry but there's no getting away from' (this low level thought), and that's just not true. One of the tenants of 'waking up' from the dread march so many of us have been put through by those who manipulate those fears to herd us as a group, is that being able to SEE that fear and that lowlevel, apelike fear, for what it is, A SIDE EFFECT OF A BYGONE ERA, means you are NO LONGER BOUND TO IT.

You may make the choice to continue to accept it because it is easier than fighting that basic instinct. That is your choice.

But do not go around spreading the lie that nothing can be done. Once we are conscious of any flaw in ourselves, whether it be personal or groupthink, ANYTHING can happen, including the total eradication of such behavior.

Just wanted to point that out, it's my pet peeve at the moment; brilliant minds successfully identifying a problem AND it's cause, and then quite ridiculously prescribing it as fatal.

Once we see ANYTHING for what it is, there is no longer ANY "can't" involved in that topic. Only cans.

Every emotions experienced has an impact on the individual. If you can tap into that potential, you can influence people easily. It's not only fear, every emotion can be used as an attempt to control people. Love blinds a great many fool as well.

I just think you're introverted.

The older I get, the more I'm able to accept some social norms. Still, I dress for comfort most of the time. The way I see it, if someone would actually be embarrassed to be seen with me over appearance, they're not good enough to be my friend.



Don't worry what other people think about you. Just realize that you're who you are, and if people don't like it ... assess the situation. If there is reason behind it, adapt accordingly. If it's over petty differences, just laugh right in their face when they give you a bad look.

It'll make you feel super good inside!

You're probably just an intelligent, sensitive person who is only half aware of 'the game' and who has an inherent distrust and therefore anxiety about being forced to play it.

I trust most therapists about as far as I can throw them, and I spent 14 years working in a psych hospital as a treatment team leader/unit director. I had one therapist one time pick up an orange while we were waiting on a member for a meeting, and she looked at it, and asked us "How do you eat these?"

There's nothing wrong with wearing humble clothes as long as you take care of yourself. I'd worry about someone if they had on jeans and a t-shirt with no jacket and it was freezing, for example.

I like sweats and t-shirts myself. In the summer around the house you will hardly find me in anything but a couple of long scarves tied around me. lol I hate clothes.

The game is so superficial and ritualistic. I don't play it. I don't make my bed either. EVER.

Hehe. No bed making here either. And it makes me smile

Well, yeah. It's all about fear. Why have everyone getting along and sharing, when you can scare the crap out of everyone, enslave them and then keep everything for yourself, right?

i havent read it all yet. not one word but the title and i can already say that i agree. Fear is just a weakness!
now, onto the reading

reply to post by AceWombat04


I think you need to update your look there bud. Sweats and a t-shirt is SOOOOOO 20th century

Also, you might actually find that by putting some nice clothes on, you'll have easier and more pleasurable interactions with people. Why do you think royal people were so well respected? DUH, THEY HAD SWEET CLOTHES!

Get a good reactions from people, feel confident, talk to girls, meet future wife, never visit ATS again because u now have a life

reply to post by NeedsNoName


Funny.

I'd probably star or flag that comment for comedy if it wasn't at the OP's expense.

By your definition, people with a life buying expensive clothes, hit the club regularly, and are very wrapped up in what others think of them.

I know probably 5-6 people like that personally. 2 of them are just shallow, vapid souls who have never really had a happy day in their life for all their worries about keeping up appearances, and the other 4 are nice people who wonder why they are tortured souls and why they don't sleep well at night or why they need medication and alcohol to relax. Well on their way to alcoholism and drug addiction, oh joy.

This 'life', as you describe it, is no way to live at all.

I know you are joking, but it is the very popular and most vocal opinion, and it's gonna be the death of this world, as more and more vapid souls go to the club, knock up some other vapid soul, neglect their vapid children who will grow up trying to be as 'cool' as Mom and Dad.

Meantime those who are are adding value to their lives by thinking, educating themselves, and treating others how they would want to be treated are mocked by this same vapid group who really deep down only want others to share in their misery and not live a life that points out how pointless theirs has been.

Sorry to not post for so long. I appreciate everyone's replies and thoughts. I just want to again reiterate that I in no way think I'm better, smarter, or more "on the right track" than anyone else because of my stance. That's all it is; my stance and feelings on the issue of social acceptance (at least as it pertains to that particular facet thereof.) I don't have any negative feelings or judgments for people who feel differently and enjoy concerning themselves with aesthetic style and so forth.

A new thought I had about this was that, perhaps, people can sometimes feel offended that because you don't adhere to the standards they go to so much effort to adhere to themselves, you're somehow getting away with something that they feel they can't somehow. Sort of an, "I go to a lot of effort to present myself in a way that is both satisfying to me personally, but also socially acceptable to some degree, and you disregarding that is like not noticing or appreciating the work I put into it!" reaction, if you will. I don't think they feel that I simply have different standards, but rather that I have no appreciation of or respect for theirs. That's the only reason I can fathom for the hostility. When, in fact, I do both appreciate and respect their different standards, and how hard they work at adhering to them. I don't need to agree with something to respect it.

I don't think they believe I do, though. Because, perhaps in their context and their world, not adhering to it can only mean not respecting it? Just a thought.

Originally posted by AceWombat04
A new thought I had about this was that, perhaps, people can sometimes feel offended that because you don't adhere to the standards they go to so much effort to adhere to themselves, you're somehow getting away with something that they feel they can't somehow.

Bingo-

You have reached the exact, driving force behind the crap slung at you by your buddies. With an additional addendum- the "Who does he think he is?" mindset. Pride is the capital sin, after all.
Humility is the capital virtue.

Wisdom is bliss, and the truth will set you free... keep seeking it.

God Bless~