What is wrong with me? Why am I like this?

reply to post by KatieVA


You sound as if we (humans) know everything there is to know about the human mind. A sincere choice can make all the difference in the world. As I said earlier you cannot choose whether or not you have anxiety but you can choose how you react to it. Look at your post. You chose to interpret my post as an attack on you so you bite back. Do not underestimate the power of our choices in relation to our minds. If your mind tells you you're hungry, does that mean you absolutely have to eat. No, you can push yourself until your instincts kick in. If a spouse cheats does that mean you have to be sad or does that mean you have to be angry. When a baby is born should you rejoice or feel sad b/c the world is a harsh place for kids. Intense love can make us do crazy things, is that a debilitating disorder? Intense love can also make us express ourselves in way we thought not possible. Whether we consciously think about it or not we choose how we react to situations. Choosing not to give in to your fears can help unlock those doors that feel locked.

I also stated that anxiety is on a scale just like any other emotion. Certain "feelings" effect certain people more than others for whatever reason. The reason doesn't really matter. What matters is how we react. Being in a crowded room can bring on an attack. Once that happens you have the choice to either leave the room and give in to your feelings or stay and fight your fears. Of course most people would take the easy road. Fighting is hard but that doesn't mean the choice doesn't exist.

So while you find my post ignorant and judgemental I find your post enabling.

No I will not look anything up. I don't always care what other people say. I'm not speaking about things I've learned I'm speaking about things I've experienced. Whether you agree or not is irrelevant. This was your closing sentence.

"Anyway, I suggest you go and look up "anxiety disorder" and see for yourself before you go shouting your mouth off about what you THINK you know, when in fact you don't have the slightest clue."

In other words I should deny my experience and start listening to other people about my mind? You should stop looking things up and reciting things out of your memory. Think more dynamically.

I actually can't make any sense of what you're saying. I also can't figure out what point you're trying to make? Anyway, it's clear we have difficulty understanding each other, so we'll leave it at that No hard feelings x

OP asks - "What is wrong with me? Why am I like this?"

I've asked myself that a million times in my life. I have so much in common with the OP and a lot of the other posts in this thread.

I have no close friends, only acquaintances. I like to see them occasionally but I like when they leave too. I'm a hermit who doesn't go anywhere unless I'm forced into the car by his nibs. I've been outside the house about 7 times this year, not counting my back garden where I spend most of my time digging and farting about when the weather allows.

I rarely visit the doctor and I don't take pills unless I have a headache. For years I tried to figure out why I'm like this but have just come to accept myself the way I am. I prefer to be away from people but I do wish I was different. I think certain anxieties can snowball into bad habits. i.e. deliberately not contacting friends till you lose contact altogether. If it wasn't for family I wouldn't interact with anyone. My sons laugh at me because I'm strange, lol.

I sometimes think I might have aspergers. I only found out about that when Gary McKinnon got famous. I had an undiagnosed muscle condition for many years too. I think that was the catalyst for my withdrawal in a way. From about the age of 8 I'd stay off school for a fortnight at a time and forge my own notes. It was years before I got caught.

I think too much time on your own is the root of these problems. I have absorbing hobbies, maybe that's why I don't get depressed?

reply to post by ScRuFFy63


Stop polluting this thread with your jargon, please. A lot of what you say is pretty much sociopathy. The way you use the term superficial people to describe people who aren't entirely control of their emotions, and "real" people as being above them ... it's very disturbing. You're not enlightened, and certainly not above anyone else. You're just a cold hearted person who shows clear and true anti-social tendencies. There's a difference between being shy and introverted, and being anti-social. While many are displaying the former, you're clearly displaying the latter.

Originally posted by unityemissions
reply to post by ScRuFFy63

 

Stop polluting this thread with your jargon, please. A lot of what you say is pretty much sociopathy. The way you use the term superficial people to describe people who aren't entirely control of their emotions, and "real" people as being above them ... it's very disturbing. You're not enlightened, and certainly not above anyone else. You're just a cold hearted person who shows clear and true anti-social tendencies. There's a difference between being shy and introverted, and being anti-social. While many are displaying the former, you're clearly displaying the latter.

My posts were not directed to anybody but the op. I really have no desire to clash with any of your thoughts. But like it or not my posts are allowed. I have attacked no one. I have not classified myself as being anything. I never said anybody was above anybody. And I don't feel as if i'm better than anyone. Seeing as my life hasn't gone so well you would think I would feel the opposite. But yet you would know that if you knew me. So why do you pretend to have me figured out? You have no idea what i've been through or who I am. If no one had responded to my post I would have kept my posts directed to the op. Stop trying to drag me through the mud for expressing myself in the way I see fit.

People have already contributed good ideas in this thread so I don't have too much to add.

Just want to say Misoir, that you've always been a positive force whenever I read your posts so far and as such, you've got my efficient German support! Whatever that means.

All the best,
Tarrok

This is a very difficult and emotive subject, and one which I expect everyone in this thread can relate to one way or another.

I've read every post and can relate to the different perspectives because in my life I've explored all these areas to make sense of who I am and why I feel 'different'.

Diet, exercise, medication, therapy. Been there done that.

It's been a long and painful road but I'm a lot more accepting of who I am these days. I could never understand society, it just never made sense to me, but I always blamed myself for that.
"It must be me" I would say to myself, "everyone else seems ok, so I must be the problem."

The more I tried to fit in the more withdrawn, anxious and depressed I became. It was only when the realisation hit me that this asylum we call society is to blame that I began to recover.

We don't integrate easily into society. We're a bad influence/workshy/rebellious etc.
We don't find it easy to socialise. We need medication to dumb down our feelings to help us integrate.
We enjoy spending time alone. We get told that we're 'unsociable' which is generally not acceptable in the eyes of our peers.

You're looking at types of behaviour that society views as disruptive, so those people are labelled as mentally ill and need to be treated with medication or therapy until they are able to conform to the accepted standard of The System.

When you're feeling any type of negativity you don't want to fight it or try to beat it. You need to listen to it if you can, or at the very least accept it as part of who you are.

It's also important to note that because we're all individuals that we all find our own cures in different ways. The root of my problem is society itself but maybe it's not yours.

This thread is an excellent way for us all to let out our feelings and maybe help us all find what we're looking for, even if it's just companionship on an internet forum.

Just remember that society is the mentally ill patient, not you.

reply to post by SkyBluePegasus

This thread is an excellent way for us all to let out our feelings and maybe help us all find what we're looking for, even if it's just companionship on an internet forum.

...and other threads here at ats too

Well spoken SBP, and you are right, I think people can find some answers here to many questions because we share our experiences and perspectives, provide feedback and obtain resources and references in the process.
And then there is plain ole' support and inclusiveness that all in total can provide an illuminating experience, some comfort or relief and maybe even a bit of inspiration along the way.

Just remember that society is the mentally ill patient, not you.

Me likes

spec

misoir,

you have to find yourself,
I will tell you this once!
First you must get a little edge, get a little angry but you have to control it so that it is motivation only.
you have to be angry of who you are today so that you will be what you want to be tomorrow.
Do not be sad, happy, or whatever, you have to use a controlled soft anger, and fear of stagnation you are in.

your issue is not people, it is yourself so don't worry about people right now,

First do not be afraid of things you know won't physically hurt you. Rejection is nothing, People's judgment of you is meaningless! Forget that stuff!

You need to start on a plan of attack, a diet, and exercise.
start by eliminating any cola drinks, or juices. If you can drink ice water that would be the best. Test yourself, see how many days you can cut all drinks except ice water.
Don't worry about cutting your food, just start with what you drink first.
next do you fear going outside? or can you take a walk? If you can walk outside, plan a walk route. It could be to the end of the block/road. Make a game, count how many birds/dogs/cats you can see on your journey. Then see if you can walk father or maybe faster the next day.

you will need to make a plan of attack for 90 days, make your plan simple but challenging enough to you.
Take a picture of yourself today, that is the person you will fight, that person in the picture is what gives you the edge to change. If you have an anxity issue/attack get angry at it!
Every 30 days take another picture of yourself.

one thing to note, the days that are tough for you, you have to fight through them, because your ultimate goal is not for you only, it will be to help others who will need you to help them deal with what you are going through today, because there is a line buddy as long as you can fathom. and if you don't think you will play an important part in this world you are wrong!
Those people are relying on you to succeed so they have hope as well.

It is hard, it is lonely, and frustrating but if you don't take a baby step forward today you will be who you are until you do.

You are in the championship of your life for your life.

It's time to win!

good luck

op! your worse mood is from 2012 I refer to end of the world.

My social anxiety also dropped on me like a ton of bricks when i was in the seventh grade. I'm 37 now and to be honest i still prefer not be around people if I can help it. But I don't really get anxious anymore (much) when I'm around people. I also used to be pretty tore up about not being able to conform to social norms. Not that i wanted to be a conformist mind you! but at least thought I should be able to when I wanted. The problem is I always felt different and extremely awkward around people.

I haven't solved my own issues so I am not pretending to hold out a cure, but here are some things I have realized:

A lot of times people don't realize how much of a challenge the social stuff may be to you. They don't really seem to understand the obstacle it is. So they offer surface level solutions that don't really feel like they could ever solve your problems.

You probably feel responsible and guilty for not being able to overcome this anxiety. DONT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF!! It's not your fault. It's probably genetic or who knows, maybe you were saddled with these challenges because you can handle them. Maybe you are meant to learn from this experience. Try to accept the fact (by now it is a fact) that socially speaking you are a little different than the norm.

Maybe you are extremely sensitive to other peoples emotional states and psychic vibes. You might be picking up on negative vibes unintentionally. You are likely an empath. And like skybluepegasus was saying, the world/society puts out a lot of unhealthy psychic energy.

So maybe you should try that route, like the stuff xiphias put in his post. That way you learn to protect yourself psychically and tune yourself towards the positive. As you become more aware of and gain more control over your inner self it gives you more power over this issue. At least that has been my experience.

You'll figure it out. That sounds callous but seriously you'll figure it out. Jus keep plugging away at it patiently. You seem to be doing good so far getting it out there and getting all this input.