It seems as if you are giving yourself the death sentence before you've even been caught for a crime. I really feel for you because I have been
there before. I have struggled with that feeling of uneasiness, that fear of the unknown, and it hits you without warning.
I just spoke with my Grandpa and you know, hes so worried, we just went through all of this with my MOm, seems like yesterday but was 06. I
then 6 weeks later lost my healthy beautiful daughter to a hemmorage.
Events such as this can often put a chink in our armor, more so when the events affecting your own realm of existence mimic those of other loved
ones. My mother was diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease a little over a year ago now, with the previous three years being in the realm of
uncertainty and fear. I had been showing some of the same symptoms as my mother, and whether it was due to the cyst, or whether it was due to my very
strong empathic sense, I'll never know. The point being that when it became "real" for me, I spent some time in isolation and seclusion, trying to
come to terms with the fact that at the age of 26 that I might actually be seeing an entire life time of medical problems. Well, as I have said,
those ailments have all but disappeared. I don't know if they are in remission or not, but I'm going to ride it out as long as I can.
My heart just breaks at the thought of putting my family through any of this, it makes me feel like saying a million times I am sorry. I am
sorry. I am playing with denial today as I wait for the MRI appointment. I wish this could be something else, something which would not be dangerous
and way too real. As for me, there are so many mysteries I still want to discuss, to try and bring to light.
Your family has not had the best of luck with these medical issues the past few years, but that doesn't mean that you should be sorry for what is
happening to you. Your family is strong enough (by the sounds of them) to deal with whatever comes to them. This isn't to mention the fact that you
hold a massive amount of internal strength regarding your mother and your daughter. To lose a mother is devastating, but to lose a child is earth
shattering. I do not have any children myself (nor will I), but I don't think I would have enough strength to continue my existence knowing that I
put a child in the ground before her time. Put it this way: the MRI will give you a ticket to take control of your ailment. This ticket gives you
the opportunity to collapse and retreat into self, or it can give you a chance to be proactive, researching everything
you can find on this
type of tumor, the types of treatments, the side affects, and the potential long term effects of different procedures. This diagnosis is not
death sentence, but rather, a ticket to better your life.
When you get treated and get better
the mysteries will still be there. You will have the rest of your life to share your wisdom and research
with the rest of us, and with the world. For now, this is about you, and about you getting better.
Also, what else are you doing to shrink the tumor?
The only thing I have done is to stop ingesting things with fluoride in them. I have not changed my diet in anyway, I'm still a pack (or more) a day
smoker, and I use the power of positive thought and meditation, and so far it has seemed to work. I 100% believe that the pineal gland is the window
to the abilities that some of us on this Earth demonstrate. I'll die before I have any more damage done to this organ, especially with how little we
actually know about it. So, that's all I've been doing in regards to that question. Of course, I don't know for sure how far the cyst has shrunk,
because I have not been to have an MRI since January, and without a full time job with benefits, I will not be getting another one anytime soon.
No matter how lonely, or how alone you feel, there will always be people out there supporting you and rooting you on. The important thing to remember
is that you and you alone have the power to take control of your own life. If you're not satisfied with the results of one doctor, go to another,
and another until you get the results that you are looking for. I went through 3 neurologists before one would actually listen to my concerns and not
think that it was due to stress or that I was just a nutter.
If you feel the need to write down your memoirs just in case, do it. I know I did. When I first starting having symptoms I thought I was going to
die, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I fought through it, and I still have this journal safely locked away in a bank lock box, just in case
happen to me.
We're here to listen and to support. Take good care of yourself.
Peace be with you.