Sunset

Hi all, my first thread...and uh, a very, very quick one shot. For the Horrifying Halloween Writing contest!
Enjoy.

Sunset


I walk on, the sun is setting. I am calm. This sunset, will, be the last I shall ever see. The wind howls, whipping my hair into my face. The fields of grass feel as if they are hiding something. The thing screeches, from the cavern where it resides, shivers run up and down my spine. I unsheathe my sword. I can see the cave now, where blackness and my death await me.

The cool, familiar hilt of my sword comfort me. I‘m at the entrance of the cavern now, I stop walking. I feel my calm slowly disappearing. My heart is hammering in my chest. I lean against the cave wall for support. It was so easy, to accept this quest. The seer had warned me, yet I ignored her warning! What was wrong with me? I wanted to prove to him, I wasn’t just some girl. I was, no! I am, just as brave and courageous as any other man! If not more. I continue on.

Menacing cavern walls threaten me as walk. It screeches again, it knows I’m coming. I realize what I have lost. I see it now. Crimson red eyes glare at me. It snaps its grotesque, vile yellow teeth at me. I side step, narrowly avoiding be torn in half. The cavern walls seem to be closing in on me.

I trip on large rock, I fall on my knees. The beast looks up in interest, it stalks closer to me. Its prey. I'm no longer the huntress. I could feel my will slowly evaporating. I look into its evil eyes; I know now, that I have failed. Miserably, I gather what is left of my strength, and I lash out with my sword, throwing myself at it. It easily maneuvers itself out of danger. I collide with the rocky cavern wall.

My shoulder is sore. It snaps its teeth at me. The beast succeeded. Its teeth tore through my armour, into my left shoulder. I shout in agony, Blood seeps through the gaps in my armour. I'm lying on the ground now. My arm is lying lifelessly four meters away from me. I notice my smallest finger is twitching. My sword is laying harmlessly a few feet away from me as well. I cannot reach it. Every bone in my body aches, every muscle. But, I ache for him.

It leaves me alone in the cavern; I don't know where it’s going. My breathing is shallow. Thick, red blood oozes from my left shoulder. I can see the blackness in the corners of my vision, threatening to engulf me. I wonder what’s left for me...nothing. I realize that I'm going to die, in the same place as him. Oh, the irony. I laugh miserably. I let the blackness take me. I see him now. A pale face, perfect lips, nose, eyes, framed by elegant, curly brown hair, the perfect body...I feel a faint smile appear on my lips. I am at peace now, I’m going to be with him, again. Nothingness takes me.

~End

Not bad. But, try to vary your sentence structure. Like to overuse of "I" starting your sentences. Switch stuff up withn less standard Verb, Subject, Object structure.

reply to post by 35Foxtrot


Yeah, lol.
It was rushed.. so, maybe I'll get to fixing it up later.
And thanks for reading.

No need to rush your story at all. You still have 21 days to round it out. So far, you've only got 521 words in your story and, from the rules:

Submissions must contain a minimum of 1000 words. Word Count Tool

Better than halfway there.

Send me whatever you want to add on and I'll edit it in for you.

Oh, lol!
There's a word minimum.. Yeah, I'll definitely have to write more.
I start on that right now.