I should never have registered here. Too young, too ignorant, too naive, too neurotic, too stressed!
Now its like wherever i look im reminded by arseholes just how much of a bad person i was. They infuriate me! And there's nothing i can do about all
my regretfully stupefied (marginal consciousness) posts! They're in the public domain now Frozen beneath the lake of my ignorant antics from a time
id rather move on from and forget about. A time that i never was. A time that became one of the darkest my soul has ever suffered. I almost
extinguished my soul with such rancid troll like flames! They were soo far from the truth in me it just hurts to look back. Especially in light the
soul that i excavated our of myself, after looking back to a time before i was bludgeoned by post traumatic stress disorder, where life seemed
beautiful and i felt good about being alive from naught to the age of 5 after which point things rapidly deteriorated.. Argh! I hate what i done to
myself most of all, all the bad habits ive formed, all the bad decision ive made...
its just upsets me now, really disturbing actually. to know i was capable of such verbal and habitual diarrhoea Im realising i now have a
choice for the first time, to choose between being habitually fearful of the consequences of my own stress, or to choose a path that feels more right
for the person i always knew i was, kind, and inspired by the soulfulness of compassion. I started those thoughts thinking it was myself i was
fearing, but soon quickly realised it was not myself i was fearing, it was the consequences of not allowing myself to simply BE that i was fearing.
And rightly so! I was capable of being soo cold hearted. Things are rapidly improving thank goodness. But the tears still role down my face every time
i hear the lyrics of the song below, because they seem to summarise how I feel about my time spent on this website! A horrible part of me has been
frozen in time here
I hope you may be able to empathise with the depth of my sadness when you listen to this song... tears flow within he first few seconds now.. i seem
to cry more each time i hear it infact.. ooh gosh ats, what have you done to me! What have i done to myself ...
its beautifully soothing, but heart-wrenchingly painful at the same time. She certainly knows how to play the heart organ. She can pluck my strings
all night long if she so pleases. No innuendo intended whatsoever, im too upset right now.
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