I'm miserable because of this phobia and hating it!!!!

Another tread on toothache reminded me to write this on.

Several months ago I did a thread on 'dentist-phobia' right after I bit my front tooth in half. A few days after that thread I did go see a dentist who did a temporary fix on it. The last post I made was "Yey! I'm going to Holland!"
So what's so special in Holland? Well, they have a fear clinic there and they specialize in dental surgery. The reviews I've read where pretty good so I made an appointment and I was as happy as could be that my husband finally gave in and wanted to spend a good deal of money to get all my teeth done all at once in one surgery.

A couple of months ago I indeed went to Holland for a first consult. To my surprise, the clinic was 'hidden' behind an industrial area....
The staff was friendly, they took pictures of all my teeth and back in the waiting room I got coffee and cookies and they reassured me that a psychologist was on stand-by whenever I felt I needed him (phobia, remember?). Then, to my bigger surprise, the actual dentist, who did the first consult, turned out to be one of those TV doctors from a reality show that ran on the dutch television. I had no idea that show was recorded in the very same clinic I was in.(and I never liked the guy on TV).
So after he did a lot of talking, explaining and showing before and after pictures, he asks us if we have a 'good enough' budget. I'm like 'huh? I told you what I want so just tell us what's it going to cost." Then the biggest surprise of all, he comes up with the magical number of 13000 euros. I thought I fainted right there on the spot, my husband turned green and didn't speak a word. He also didn't say a word on the long drive back home. A few hours later, the only thing he said about it was "I can buy a nice car for that money".... and I knew he didn't want to spend that much... not on dental work.

I know that if I had the same procedure done here in Belgium, it would cost me about 4000 euro and an extra 500 if I want to make it a surgery (that's about the amount we wanted to spend and what we expected from looking up prices). Even more, if I can get a dentist to put in writing that it is necessary for me to be asleep for the procedure, most of the medical cost will be covered by my medical insurance. My insurance doesn't cover costs made in another country, unless it's an emergency.

The problem for me is, in my country they don't specialize in dentist phobia, there are no psychologists near your bed when you wake up and have mouth full of blood. There is no one that guides you through the procedure. In my case I'd be back in my car and on the road before someone can stick a needle me!

All that was back in April, in the mean time I realize that I really should do "something" and a few teeth are beginning to hurt sometimes. There is also that temporary fix that needs a permanent solution. I simply can't do it.
My husband tried to make me go see a normal dentist. He said he'll rather give me a 13000 euro car... IF I make an appointment. but I still can't do it.

I don't know anyone who has this big of a phobia then I do...
it is really making me feel miserable and that I hate most of all !!!

I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so awful.
I hope you are okay!
Stay strong!
Wag

I feel for you, I really do. Maybe... You can have the knockout gas billed seperately and pay for that yourself w/o insurance bothering with it, as it does not cost much (little over 100USD). and maybe you or your husband can set something up where you have a psychologist be there when you wake up (and pay a one time house call fee that hopefully will not amount to much (250USD?). You can make this work, I know you can. And you need it done. Don't wait until your in soo much pain. I have a phobia of dentists myself from bad childhood experiences, and let my teeth crack, break apart, infect, and abscess... Oh the pain is like no other. I found a dentist in FL that had the option to put you under, and of course that made it more expensive, but was worth it. They took my wisdom teeth out and all the partial pieces that were still in. I feel 300% better. Haven't felt this good in 16 years. I was nervous when I went in. My wife was with me and I don't remember going under. Don't remember comming out of it much either, but I remember my wife being there at that time as well (within 1 minute of awareness). Don't worry, you will be fine, no matter what you decide, as long as you DO decide to get it done somehow. Be strong.

The Temp

sorry to hear of this but I am not the best with dentists either. Nowadays they are a lot better, years back it was awful...

Perhaps you could get a prescription for valium etc to take before you go?
Thats what I do and it helps.

all the best!

The problem is not the dentists, but the fear.
Your reacting to the fear, but you need to bring the fear out of the darkness, where the light can kill it. Sit down and talk it out to yourself, list it on paper. What is the worst thing that can happen when I go.
then ask yourself if you can live with the worst possible outcome.
It might not be the dentist, but feeling you are trapped in the chair, as an example, that you become claustrophobic. Find the fear and analyze it. You are in control of it, it does not control you.
Second, ease into it. Go and sit at a dentist, later, go with a friend and watch what happens to them. Slowly work away at the fear by slowly confronting it. Don't just jump in.
Give it a shot, it works, but it takes time

Are you a redhead? If so, this article may explain the cause of your phobia and therefore help you to overcome it. Just by showing the article to the dentist and making sure he/she is aware of your needs would put him on guard to do a proper job of it and should put you more at ease. Have a look, but be careful it is graphic in one part, maybe let your husband read it for you.

abcnews.go.com...

reply to post by seentoomuch


OMG,
that story is exactly what happened to me when I had my wisdom teeth pulled out! I woke up during the surgery, the most traumatic experience of my life!
This is about 10 years ago, and no I'm not a redhead

Originally posted by Thurisaz
sorry to hear of this but I am not the best with dentists either. Nowadays they are a lot better, years back it was awful...

Perhaps you could get a prescription for valium etc to take before you go?
Thats what I do and it helps.

all the best!

If there is one thing I'm sure about: I'm not gonna be awake when they do my dental work!
Maybe I can get some valium to take on the way to the hospital, otherwise I probably can't even get myself to get into the car...

reply to post by Tempest333


At this point I don't know what I'm going to do yet, maybe talk it over with my doctor first, she knows me pretty well and maybe she knows a solution.

I was 12 years old when my parents took me to the dentist for the first time, by then he had to do so much work that I kept going almost every month untill he could give me bracers (which didn't really help because my cheek bone is to small and can't fit all my teeth). Needles to say that after that I never went to a dentist again, Untill age 20 when I had two broken teeth in the back and I had been swallowing so much codeine that my doctor wouldn't prescribe it anymore. So I went in, but he couldn't get me sedated enough to work on the tooth, he put arsenicum on the nerve, closed the tooth and asked me to come back one week later. The next time I went, the nerve was death, he fixed both the broken teeth and sugested a surgery to make my cheekbone larger (that was a no no for me).
About 3-4 years later my wisdom teeth had to come out because they grew almost horizontal. As I said in the post above, I woke up during that surgery, which is a very unpleasant experience, in short, I thought I was dying...
When I woke up in the recovery I felt as if I was threated by a butcher instead of a dentist. The wounds kept bleeding longer then expected, but they sent me home anyway. 3 Days later the pain was so bad that I went to a local dentist, he took a look and said 'no wonder that is hurting, they stiched your gums to your cheek.' He removed the stitches, gave me antibiotics and a few weeks later all was fine again.

The worst thing is that I gave my fear to my daughter. She gets hysterical when she has to go to the dentist and there are several who politely asked me to go elsewhere in the future. So 3 years ago I took her to a specialized childrens dentist, he did all her teeth in one surgery. Now that was 'specialized phobia treatment'... but they only do that with children. (Maybe I'll give this dentist a call and ask to make an expeption)

So you see, it's been a bad experience every time I went to a dentist, that's why next time, they have to put me asleep first. But then I fear what I might find when I wake up again... blood, pain, etc.

reply to post by GypsK


I have so much compassion for your story, wanted to say that up front. However, I feel like someone needs to be very frank at this point, though I suspect your husband and you have already discussed this. Your post above, mentioned the trauma your daughter now goes through and your belief this is a direct result of your fears and actions. This has to be overcome. Now. It must stop for both of you and if you cannot find the courage to do this for yourself, you must find the courage to do this for you daughter. Would you condemn her to the same fears and future health issues that you live through everyday, if you could prevent it? I think you would not and this can be prevented for her...

My two cents. Face it now. Move as slowly as you have to, but do move through this and begin immediately. Take her through it with you and you will both come out better for it, when you are done. Seek the professional help that you must (dentist, doctor, psychologist, etc) but do, do something everyday that moves you forward.

Originally posted by GypsK
reply to post by Tempest333

 

At this point I don't know what I'm going to do yet, maybe talk it over with my doctor first, she knows me pretty well and maybe she knows a solution.

I was 12 years old when my parents took me to the dentist for the first time, by then he had to do so much work that I kept going almost every month untill he could give me bracers (which didn't really help because my cheek bone is to small and can't fit all my teeth). Needles to say that after that I never went to a dentist again, Untill age 20 when I had two broken teeth in the back and I had been swallowing so much codeine that my doctor wouldn't prescribe it anymore. So I went in, but he couldn't get me sedated enough to work on the tooth, he put arsenicum on the nerve, closed the tooth and asked me to come back one week later. The next time I went, the nerve was death, he fixed both the broken teeth and sugested a surgery to make my cheekbone larger (that was a no no for me).
About 3-4 years later my wisdom teeth had to come out because they grew almost horizontal. As I said in the post above, I woke up during that surgery, which is a very unpleasant experience, in short, I thought I was dying...
When I woke up in the recovery I felt as if I was threated by a butcher instead of a dentist. The wounds kept bleeding longer then expected, but they sent me home anyway. 3 Days later the pain was so bad that I went to a local dentist, he took a look and said 'no wonder that is hurting, they stiched your gums to your cheek.' He removed the stitches, gave me antibiotics and a few weeks later all was fine again.

The worst thing is that I gave my fear to my daughter. She gets hysterical when she has to go to the dentist and there are several who politely asked me to go elsewhere in the future. So 3 years ago I took her to a specialized childrens dentist, he did all her teeth in one surgery. Now that was 'specialized phobia treatment'... but they only do that with children. (Maybe I'll give this dentist a call and ask to make an expeption)

So you see, it's been a bad experience every time I went to a dentist, that's why next time, they have to put me asleep first. But then I fear what I might find when I wake up again... blood, pain, etc.

Pffft., Im sorry but i have no sympathy for you. You have built up a fear to become a giant that you are soo gutless to face that you past that IRRATIONAL fear on... A bit of blood and pain., Soo freakin what? Did it kill you? No! But your fear will.. A bad mouth infection can kill.. My mom had to have her teeth taken out... All of them when she had me incase her infection killed me... Heart disease is reduced by good dentistry.,

A bit of blood and pain is NOTHING! I pity your poor husband who has to put up with your whiny ass and work himself to death just to pay your dental bill which will be repeated by your daughters future hubby just because of your fear that is in your head and could be overcome with some character from you and be a REAL example to your daughter..

Get a grip princess

Pffft

reply to post by Yissachar1


I don't know how old you are, but I pitty your wife or girlfriend.
Your respons just proved to her that you would not be there for her if she was to face a hard time.

Reading the above, just makes me realize even more what a good husband I have. He's been there for me from the start of this and will stay at my side untill we fixed the problem, no matter how. He never once said I was whining or overreacting.
As for the money, I work equal for that money

reply to post by LadySkadi


Thanks for the reply,
I absolutely know your right in what you say and I'm thinking about this every day trying to find a way that would work for me (and for my daughter)
I hoped that someone on this board would just hand me a solution, except from 'get in, have it over with',lol.
For me, going to Holland was like a dream come true, but it blew up in my face.
I'll work it out sooner or later, just don't know how and when yet.

Originally posted by GypsK
reply to post by Yissachar1

 

I don't know how old you are, but I pitty your wife or girlfriend.
Your respons just proved to her that you would not be there for her if she was to face a hard time.

Reading the above, just makes me realize even more what a good husband I have. He's been there for me from the start of this and will stay at my side untill we fixed the problem, no matter how. He never once said I was whining or overreacting.
As for the money, I work equal for that money

I am nearly forty so not a young boy. My wife and daughters are well supported by me but I did not push any irrational fear to my kids. I taught them to ocercome their fears by facing them and overcomming them from an early age. In fact my daughters had cause to have REAL fear by spending lots of time in bomb shelters in Israel and outside in real life and death situations that would have reduced someone like you to a snivelling wreck on the floor. My eldest daughter started to have anxiety attacks so i supported her by making her face her fear and get over it. Sounds cruel? But I would have my kids live a life without fear holding them back and taking over their lives. My kids are now fearless and awesome young women who will be formidable wives and work mates and excel in life because no irrational fear will hold them back..

So who provides the best support? The one who helps to conquor fear or the one who passes it on huh?

As for your hubby? He may not say anything to you but i guarrantee that he will be thinking it and probably secretly pissed off at your lack of character and that you past that trait to your kid..

I would suggest hypnotism and exposure therapy to tackle that fear head on. It would get rid of it for good and no longer grip you, but its tough and takes character which it seems you have little of

First of all, what I have is called a "phobia", an irrational fear. I don't think that is comparable to life and death situations. (do you know the difference?) I have a spider phobia aswell (oh no, there goes the rest of the 'character'!) And oh, did I mention that I used to have a fear for cows? I'm over that though.... but my daughter, she's afraid of mice and ducks, nothing I taught her because I love mice, even kept them as a pet.
Well well well... what a lack of character in my family, I'll bet we all go straight to hell for that one! *sigh*

My daughter will grow out of her little fears, she'll do that all by her self while playing with her friends and she'll deal with her phobia's as well. If she askes for my help I'll be there for her, always, but she's a teenager now and I know she wants to try and fix things on her own (I'm so proud of her! )
That's how we do it in the West. Not ever will I push her into facing her fears, that's nothing but traumatising!

Second, you have no right to piss on my husband who you don't know anything about. I could be pissin on your family for several reasons, I could be pissing on the way you threat them, asking if the fact that your wife is part muslim has anything to do with her letting you push her children .... but I don't so don't answer that. You do as you want, that's part of my 'character'... but in everything you wrote, it shows me enough about your character as well.
Do you honestly think that when your daughters would face a bomb shelter again, they won't feel fear? If that's what you accomlished then you took away a part of their survival instinct. Not having fear is dangerous in the real world (and I mean fear, not phobia)

You wrote "someone like you...snivelling wreck ", now that's a goodie...
You think you know me from the one post you've read? Should I use the same term and tell you what I think I know about you for a change, based on this thread? Oh wait, I already did...

for the record, I just let my husband read this tread, I asure you he is not angry at me for having a phobia, not openly and not secretly. In fact, he doesn't think this has anything to do with "character" at all. Being with him for 15 years, I know he's not lying to me.

I made this thread so that other people could give me advice, or to share samelike experiences, phobia's, hear about how other people dealth with it, etc.
I did not write this tread so that "people like you" could try to insult me, patronize me and lower my self esteem.
But no worries, I have enough self esteem and self knowledge, I'm even smiling upon your posts thinking 'your full of bull'

Let's not continue this discussion, it doesn't amuze me nor does it educate me in any way.

reply to post by GypsK


Reverse psychology..

Obviously did not work.

I dont mind people thinking im a bastard because i have had to help many young people get over their fears by confronting them, training young soldiers.

In my experience it is the only true way to be rid of a phobia for good. So tactics employed are to push people by whatever way to get them to confront it. Making people angry usually works.

Like you said, i dont know you, and you dont know me so you have no idea of my heart.

My daughters were indeed traumatised by events in their early life which is why i had to grip that early, head on so that fear would not take over their lives and kill their spirit.. I showed them how to fight it.. How to deal with it and overcome it. They and we will have fear in our lives, that is a certainty, living life takes courage.
However courage is not the absence of fear but overcomming the odds despite it.

My heart is that you are free of stumbling blocks..

I never understood why women who go through such pain in childbirth, would, after even that experience hold to those things? Even going on to have more kids! Surely that would prove the true strength of a woman and capabilities?


ETA:

I am currently studying for a mental health nursing degree in order to help treat former and serving soldiers to overcome PTSD. Largely influenced by my daughters to do so and my own many years of experience.
The most effective therapy for destroying phobias is exposure therapy.. It is quick, reliable and destroys stumbling blocks that stop you living your life.. You should speak to your GP to get a referal.. And have a pre treatment medical because the therapy is intense.

I made this thread so that other people could give me advice, or to share samelike experiences, phobia's, hear about how other people dealth with it, etc.

GypsK, he's right. Exposure therapy may be the avenue needed here. You are on the right track by seeking out dentists that are aware of it, but I think the far better route is to seek out the therapist who will push you through this. I hesitate to make any further suggestions as it's just not something I'm comfortable with over the 'net and to someone I've never met, not to mention I've not worked directly with clients who have extreme phobias, though I have worked with clients who are hoarders (which is another side of the coin) to some degree.

Bottom line: seek out a therapist who you trust, but that will do more for you than just "listen and validate" which are of course, very important, but this person must also have a strategy (multiple strategies) that will help you (and your daughter, if necessary) actually succeed in overcoming this issue. They are there and the program works, if you are willing to make it work for you. It's not easy and you will resist, you will not want to do what's asked, you will have to demand of yourself more than you have to date... but if you are really ready to do something to end it, than that is the route I would take (were it me)...

Good luck. Decision is now yours.

I would recommend going to see a Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP) in your area; a skilled therapist in your area can help get rid of phobias for good. It should be relatively inexpensive and then you won't have to worry about it anymore. I'm sure you can do a search online or perhaps even look in the phone-book where you're from.

Phobia = irrational fear.
You don't have irrational fear.
You have extreme caution about a situation in which you've been burned in the past.
It's not an unhealthy thing. IMHO

Originally posted by GypsK
Another tread on toothache reminded me to write this on.

Several months ago I did a thread on 'dentist-phobia' right after I bit my front tooth in half. A few days after that thread I did go see a dentist who did a temporary fix on it. The last post I made was "Yey! I'm going to Holland!"
So what's so special in Holland? Well, they have a fear clinic there and they specialize in dental surgery. The reviews I've read where pretty good so I made an appointment and I was as happy as could be that my husband finally gave in and wanted to spend a good deal of money to get all my teeth done all at once in one surgery.

A couple of months ago I indeed went to Holland for a first consult. To my surprise, the clinic was 'hidden' behind an industrial area....
The staff was friendly, they took pictures of all my teeth and back in the waiting room I got coffee and cookies and they reassured me that a psychologist was on stand-by whenever I felt I needed him (phobia, remember?). Then, to my bigger surprise, the actual dentist, who did the first consult, turned out to be one of those TV doctors from a reality show that ran on the dutch television. I had no idea that show was recorded in the very same clinic I was in.(and I never liked the guy on TV).
So after he did a lot of talking, explaining and showing before and after pictures, he asks us if we have a 'good enough' budget. I'm like 'huh? I told you what I want so just tell us what's it going to cost." Then the biggest surprise of all, he comes up with the magical number of 13000 euros. I thought I fainted right there on the spot, my husband turned green and didn't speak a word. He also didn't say a word on the long drive back home. A few hours later, the only thing he said about it was "I can buy a nice car for that money".... and I knew he didn't want to spend that much... not on dental work.

I know that if I had the same procedure done here in Belgium, it would cost me about 4000 euro and an extra 500 if I want to make it a surgery (that's about the amount we wanted to spend and what we expected from looking up prices). Even more, if I can get a dentist to put in writing that it is necessary for me to be asleep for the procedure, most of the medical cost will be covered by my medical insurance. My insurance doesn't cover costs made in another country, unless it's an emergency.

The problem for me is, in my country they don't specialize in dentist phobia, there are no psychologists near your bed when you wake up and have mouth full of blood. There is no one that guides you through the procedure. In my case I'd be back in my car and on the road before someone can stick a needle me!

All that was back in April, in the mean time I realize that I really should do "something" and a few teeth are beginning to hurt sometimes. There is also that temporary fix that needs a permanent solution. I simply can't do it.
My husband tried to make me go see a normal dentist. He said he'll rather give me a 13000 euro car... IF I make an appointment. but I still can't do it.

I don't know anyone who has this big of a phobia then I do...
it is really making me feel miserable and that I hate most of all !!!

There are people with bigger dental phobias. You are not alone.
--
Dentist Raleigh NC