Driving to work this morning, I accidentally spilled my morning heroin all over the inside of the car while shifting into third gear. It wouldn't have been a big deal, necessarily, since I knew I had a secret stash in one of my desk drawers at work. It would be okay, I thought. But when I got to work, my secret stash was empty. Gone. I was completely, totally, out of heroin. This was going to be a problem. I've been addicted to heroin for easily 10 years. It's an addiction that started when I was in San Francisco, a city known far and wide for its heroin. Not a day has gone by when I don't have some, or a lot, as the case may be. I was a bit worried about how my co-workers were going to react to watching me go cold turkey right there in the air-conditioned comfort of my office. The morning only got worse when a half-hour into my work day, my computer crashed so hard I had to re-format the drive, foreshadowing my own meltdown. About noon, the headache was in full-strength, and no amount of Tylenol was going to remedy it. I needed a fix. Bad. Good heroin is not easy to come by near my office building in the sticks, but like any good junky, I did know where I could get some low-grade heroin, to at least get me by until I got home. I made the buy and headed back to work, only to spill half of what I'd just bought in my lap. I thought I was going to cry. There was enough left to at least take the edge off, thankfully. But sometimes it just doesn't pay to be a junky.
The moral? Stories are a lot more interesting when you replace the word "coffee" with the word "heroin."

Just some food for thought...

Whoa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!That’s funny, I have to have my heroin (I mean coffee) shot, at least 6 times a day, now that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Is addiction, and that counts to my everyday trip to starbucks.:

My addiction is so bad that when I run out of heroin (I mean coffee) my children will go running to the next heroin shop and get me a shot of it. Because I turn into a monster.

I have been addicted since childhood due to been born in the Caribbean we are brought up with coffee in the bottle instead of formula.

Wow, you had me going.

Most people would be amazed how many needle jockeys try to shoot while driving and spill everything.

Very authentic tale. A little too authentic.

Do we need to talk?

Good story you had me going. I can relate have to have at least 6 cups of heroin(coffee) everyday or I lose my mind I blame my grandparents for my addiction my Grandma would make up a batch evertime that i would go over to her house and got me hooked on the stuff at an early age. Thanks Grandma

I'm just so glad I don't need my morning coffee anymore. Quitting this (and cigarettes) was the best choice I ever made. Now if only I could quit the ganja...

Nice story of a bad day. My wifes the same, I don't know which she would rather do without, coffee or cig's. Hope tomorrow is better.

Ya, I just can't get through the day without a few needles of coffee.

That's too funny!

I used to work with this dude who drank so much coffee all day (and evening too, we found out) that his lips were kinda brown. We called him The Coffee Guy. Funny thing was, even people who'd never heard him called this knew who we were talking about!

I love it, though I'm thankfully down to one serious cup in the morning and that's all. When I discovered the Bodum plunger pot, I remember almost shuddering because it was thick and strong, almost like a food replacement! I got a few friends hooked (hey, sounding like a drug story again!) and then of course we all got the "cut out the caffeine" lecture from the docs and blopped back to a limited amount of regular ol' joe.

Coffee and bacon.... two scents that instantly make me want some if I smell them!

KayEm can't function without her daily Starbucks heroin. I don't like it that much so I stick to snorting pixy stix

TextI used to work with this dude who drank so much coffee all day (and evening too, we found out) that his lips were kinda brown.

ha, ha, ha, I drink coffee all day and my lips are not brown.
By the way what color were his teeth? ha, ha, ha,

Ummmm - hang on - (runs to mirror) - no, my teeth are still white - phew !!!

This is very true-coffe-caffine is very addictive. If you don't think so, stop all caffine for a week or two. No coffie, no soda, no cholate-nothing. You will notice you start getting really bad headaches-withdrwls.
Just something to think about.

Pulling an M. Night Shyamalan, eh?

Nice spin....Puts things into persepctive for some people, maybe....I'm glad I never got addicted to coffee - I enjoy the occasional cup, maybe with a rich dessert or on those rare occasions when I have to wake up at 5 in the morning or just when I need a pick-me-up....

Of course, I couldn't work without my heroin tho - I've only known one person that did heroin once and he said he was glad he tried it, but he would never do it again, but then again, he's tried like every drug under the sun and acts a complete fool most of the time....I could never even dream of doing something like that.....I'll stick to the occasional puff puff pass....