Men's-rights activists seek right to decline fatherhood in event of unplanned pregnancy

Originally posted by SevenBeans


In the United States non-custodial Mothers are much more likely never to pay any child support than non-custodial Fathers are.

Yeah SevenBeans that doesn`t surprise me a bit, do you guys over there ever commonly hear the words "dead beat moms" brandished through the MSM,if you do or have ever heard it,now that! would be surprising.

Originally posted by gps777
Yeah SevenBeans that doesn`t surprise me a bit, do you guys over there ever commonly hear the words "dead beat moms" brandished through the MSM,if you do or have ever heard it,now that! would be surprising.

Never : )

reply to post by bluemirage5


And did I not say that in my post? Difference between you and I is that I want all genuine victims to have a voice not just ones based on gender.

See:

Originally posted by mayertuck
reply to post by bluemirage5

 

i can find more if you want. But its not the numbers I care about. I care about whether it happens to ANYONE. If the roles were reversed I wouldn't be making those excuses you are trying to put up for the woman. He was statutorily raped. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. Doesn't matter what your personal views on it are, she was convicted in a court of law. Whether the laws need to be changed for age of consent is completely irrelevant at this point and a whole other issue.

Additionally I never said that more men are raped than females, I know the opposite is true, although not as high as you might believe with false accusations, and what not, or men raped by other men.

edit on 29-10-2010 by mayertuck because: (no reason given)

Maybe we dont hear about dead beat moms because like me, most of us noncustodial female parents do not mind paying, gladly pay because we love our children more than we hate our ex. We are not demons, and it gives me an inside look at this system from normally the man's pov.

What I pay is beans compared to what a 15 yr old needs to survive, but that is fine with me. I had both the kids for five yrs after the divorce, and all the time I heard through friends that he was claiming poverty due to the paltry sum he sent us, yet he managed several vacations and to lure another victim into his web, so my ex most definitely played up the child support woe is me.

I just pay mine and send care packages monthly or so. Something their dad never did.

I think a lot of the men griping about paying child support hate their ex wives mor than they love their kids, or they would shut the ehll up and be thank ful they do not bear the entire cost.

Child support is not intended to provide FULL support, the custodial parent assumes that financial burden, and they reap the most reward of actually getting to see the child grow and live. That is something I miss out on due to distance, and although I am sad and miss my boy, a boy needs his father, and no matter how loathesome I find the man, I made a child with him and boys need their fathers, period.

Just a different perspective, female who pays child support.

reply to post by gps777


Let me allow you in to my secret...against my better judgement, my ex wanted EVERYTHING, the house, business, assets, the kids, the lot. Claimed he could handle all, preached he was the better parent, had a pretty big lawyer all lined up to fight me @$450 PH. I had no intentions of fighting him so I laughed and told him to prove he was the better parent and business owner. I signed everything over to him with a big smile knowing full well the outcome. Real smart arse he was. I ended up with nothing but the clothes on my back, a box of hobby beads and full of confidence. A month later he lost the kids, the business is on it's last legs, next on welfare, end of his story. Mine? I got my kids, started a business and now they're almost adults I'm expanding and opening my 3rd little boutique across the Tasman. Took 14 years but priorities priorities, my kids come first.

Want to fight me some more?

reply to post by hotbakedtater


While you posit a good theory I have to disagree, First just because you do it doesn't mean every noncustodial mom does. Simple fact of the matter is the percentage of nonpayment for females is higher for men. If most noncustodial mothers didn't mind paying their percentage would be lower. Secondly its not hating their wives more so that they can barely afford it, if you are interested, I can post some articles about these so called "deadbeat dads" Not saying there aren't true deadbeats out there.

It is more of an impact to say a female needs help a man isn't doing his responsibility etc, and a man is expected by society to be the breadwinner and not need child support.

And big ups to you for doing the right thing by your kids.

reply to post by mayertuck


I'd help any father whose walked the walk in my shoes any day.....but those others who run from their responsibilities, I spit on and shame them for what they really are.

reply to post by bluemirage5


And that is a motivational story, and am glad things worked out. But your experiences do not encompass the entirety of Australian, American, nor Canadian outcomes does it?

Got to bolt, appt @ 8am and only 4 hours pillow zzzzz

have a great weekend all

reply to post by bluemirage5


And you know what so do I, But I also do the same for women. As I have stated many times before, if I had my way anyone who had sex and created a bay would have to deal with those consequences. No abortions, no walking away etc. Since I know that is not realistic, I look for a second best outcome that treats both parties as equals.

After all my 2 son's biological mother is not around them by her choice, and of them my younger son;s biological dad is not interested in his life either. SO I have a unique perspective on the whole situation which can help me see both sides do I not?

reply to post by bluemirage5


In Canada there has been no "official" study (government backed and supported). That being said, the government states that 90% of non custodial fathers pay on time. Of the 10% that don't pay, 80% don't have the money to pay. That leaves us with approx 2% of non custodial fathers as "deadbeat" dads. (20% * 10%=2% of total).

Ironically in the same statement they stated that only 30% of mothers fullfill their obligations for joint custody. 25% get to see their father's sometimes (irregularly) and 15% are denied access to their fathers.

Neither of these issues will recieve public money for study, so unless some private citizen wants to shell out for it, I will never get an "official" Canadian study.

If I am remiss in this and there are official Canadian studies I will willing retract my comments.

This was sourced from an old (2001) reader's diegest.

Edit to add:

I don't know why divorce planning isn't mandatory for marriages. It happens, everybody knows it can happen, so plan accordingly. It's far easier to plan sensible solutions when there is no emotional/economically stresses involved. My wife and I have planned for it, and we both believe that there would be far fewer issues about divorce if it was planned for properly.

This doesn't mean that we plan to divorce, but I have life insurance and a living will even though I don't plan on dying any time soon.

Originally posted by hotbakedtater
That is something I miss out on due to distance, and although I am sad and miss my boy, a boy needs his father, and no matter how loathesome I find the man, I made a child with him and boys need their fathers, period.

Just a different perspective, female who pays child support.

Good on you for saying so tater,the rest can easily be turned in reverse as in many females of today hate their ex`s more than their children and dont give them full custody or limit their visitation rights or dont pay child support etc.

There are many women unlike yourself who think children dont need their fathers.

Originally posted by hotbakedtater
Maybe we dont hear about dead beat moms because like me, most of us noncustodial female parents do not mind paying, gladly pay because we love our children more than we hate our ex.

Most Dads are the same as you.

Noncustodial Mothers are more likely not to pay than noncustodial Fathers.

reply to post by mayertuck


No but you'll be most surprised how many single mothers out there build their own businesses and become quite successful in their own right...I don't regard myself as a success but a means to an end but I can't deny I enjoy what I do and believe you me my family are not without it's issues, no different to any two parent family but we are a close knit family. Every week's end we sit around the table and discuss the week, who wants what, who needs what, and we solve our problems together. Communication and honesty is the key in our household to making it a happy one.

I give you a blue star before I leave....cudos to you because I know your story

reply to post by bluemirage5

I am not surprised in the least bit. I know quite a few who have done that. Not to try and diminish them any but they also have a loot of support legally and socially. I had to fight tooth and nail to get any support whatsoever, and the entire time with being told that the kids belong with their mother. My success is due to my family and my sheer determination. Nothing more. Would it have been easier had I had the social and legal support yes it would, perhaps it wouldn't have taken so long for me to make the progress I have. But either way it will happen you know.

I also hope you can understand where my POV comes from and why I want equality. NO ONE should have to deal with being disrespected or treated as less of a human being, ever.

reply to post by bluemirage5


You have posted many bogus one eyed biase statements that I`ve read,so forgive me or not when I say your little secret was suppossed to impress me or the audience,you have called me and others here all kinds of names etc even to go as far as to tell me to bugger off as if i/we would.

I`m then supposed to swallow your little secret as the truth.

Oh and I wasn`t fighting you to begin with,you attacked me.

I`ll keep fighting if you want to keep up with your underhanded tactics.

reply to post by bluemirage5

If you are talking to me no need for a kudos or star, I simply do things because I LOVE my kids, and want whats best for them, now and in the future. Also what I have posted is only half the story from my adult life, I also have more insight on the female side which I have not shared (and not sure if I am going to), but it gives me more insight into the plight of women and another reason I hold the POV that I do.

reply to post by Benevolent Heretic


I'm a female and I feel the same way.
Though I did include a bit more that some may or not agree with....

I have absolutely no problem at all with men being able to rescind paternity that results from a casual encounter/non committed relationship.

I think men should be able to have the legal right to rescind their paternal rights, but not decide whether a woman keeps or terminates the pregnancy as that then infringes on her rights.
I'd put a time limit on how long the female has to notify the male of the situation, say within 12 weeks of conception, so the female has time to decide whether to progess with the pregnancy or not.

To also make sure that it doesn't turn into a power play, I'd make it a jailable offence for the male to have ANY contact with the child, under any circumstances, before it turns 21.
(I mean if your going to get serious, then there should be serious consequences for a breach of it too.)

This then would allow the female to find a potential non biological father for the child who can then sign the birth papers as father in his own right, if he so chooses. Or adopt it out without needing his permission OR raise the child herself at her own cost.

reply to post by gps777


I will say if its true it is impressive. Still doesn't forgive the bias, but hopefully the shell can be cracked and can wake another person up.