posted on Sep, 17 2010 @ 04:19 AM
Ok, first off yes this is my first post, I have been a lurker for years, and this thread hits so close to home, I felt the need to reply, even if I
know it will be either flamed or flat out ignored. After I state my opinion on this I will post my personal story so the readers can see where I have
came to my conclusions.
Now while this is a hot topic issue, it can be said that it all boils down to an issue of taking responsibility for ones own actions. I believe that
both parties should be held accountable for their actions, i.e. if you have sex, you are responsible for the outcome (no abortion, pay the child
support etc). now the issue arises when one of the parties is in essence given a "get out of jail free card" and the other party is not. In other
words, one party is able to not have to face the possible consequences of their actions, while the other party isnt. This is plain wrong. Equal
protections under the law, remember. The only reason I agree on this is because one party is able to legally get away the second party should have
the same options. No 2 wrongs do not make a right, I do not mean to imply that, but if we are going to push equality then that is how it should be,
that way all parties have their "get out of jail free cards" or can choose to accept responsibility. .
Now on to my story it is the short version, so as to not bore people..
I am a 33 year old male. I am also a father to 4 kids. 2 (1 from the ex, and one with my current wife) biological, 1 step child, and 1 who isn't my
current wife or mine biologically. I have full custody of the 2 boys from my previous marriage, my oldest (1 biological), and the non bio one. I
also am a Marine Corps veteran with two western pacific deployments (leave my family for a 6 month period on a naval ship). i was married to my first
wife during my entire time in the Corps. My oldest son was born about 2 years into my 5 1/2 years in. before I left on my second deployment, my ex
was pregnant with my chlld. Just before the halfway point of this deployment, my ex decided to get an abortion so she could pursue a relationship
with another man. When I got back we tried to reconcile, and she got pregnant again. From what she told me it was my child again so I was there for
his birth, and have since been there as dad. Around 6 months of age, I could tell that he wasn't truly mine, but it did not matter because I loved
him no matter what. We ended up staying together for about 2 1/2 years after he was born. I finally decided I did not want to stay in the
relationship with her because of the signifigant physical, emotional, financial abuse, as well as her meth aabuse problem. It wasn't fair to me, not
my kids. So while we were seperated, and in the process of filing the paperwork, the kids would stay with me, wether it was because she was more
intererested in getting high or not wanting to be a parent, it didn't matter. Well one day she decided she wanted to keep them after a visit and
since there was no paperwork present there was nothing I could do. The next day, I get a call from her asking if she is going to go to jail and
nothing else. I drive to her house and the kids were not there, nor was she. The cops were there, and in speaking to them, I found out that the boys
have been taken to foster care because they were left alone. Through the preceding social services case that was brought, she told them, that i
wasn't my youngest sons father and another man was. So I had to do a dna test.
Not his bio dad. They contacted his bio dad, said wanted nothing to do with him, but does pay his child support on time. Since the ex was found
unfit for not completing her treatment plan and the bio dad didnt want to be involoved I got custody of him also. I couldnt be happier. 6The ex was
given supervised visitation, to which she went to sporadically, and eventually moved to another city, got married again, and had another child. The
visits became less and less, and even more random. Unfortunately, the boys never had any stability because they didnt understand what was going on
with their mom saying she was going to come see them and not show, or call and not call. Eventually, I made the decision to stop her visits
completly, after she called social services attemtping to stir up trouble, trying to alienate the boys, by saying my wife and I are bad parents.
Since then, she has done the same with her daughter from her now finished 2nd marriage. he has custody of their daughter, and no doubt will have to
deal with the same issues I ha ve with the boys.
Might I also add, that she owes almost 10k in back child support,and in the 6 years, I have had custody of them, has paid maybe 3 months of child
support (mostly when they grab her income tax refund). It has now been almost a year since we have heard from her, and luckily with the love and
support my wife and I give, as well as their therapists, and my ex's family, the boys are learning to live with the fact that their mom, will not
accept responsibility for her actions,and prolly never will. If no one beleives this or it doesnt suit your logic, and thats fine also, it is a free
world after all.