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True Son

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posted on Sep, 10 2010 @ 08:13 PM
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My first "story", my first thread. Hope it's within the rules...!

Please note that "religious" content is not meant to offend anyone, this is a "point of view" thing.

TRUE SON

You told me to write down my story, so here it is. I’m not sure you’re going to want to use it in court, but you said to leave that to you. You’re the smart attorney, I just hope you’re worth a damn, after all I’ve been through.

-----------------------------------------
Sleepless nights. Days, I dragged myself around, exhausted. Eventually, it caught up with me, and I was fired.

I hated my boss anyway, and in some ways, I felt relieved. But it was a bad time to be without a job. My older brother, way better qualified than me, in a dozen ways, had been looking for work nine straight months now. Nothing.

Of course, I had expenses he didn’t have. He, the bachelor, me, stuck with my fat wife, two kids, and the in-laws to boot. “Unfair” doesn’t begin to describe it.

Guess what? My unemployment check wasn’t going to cut it for long, was it? But after fighting the Good Fight for so long, maybe it was time to finally relax a bit. Come to think of it, that damn job had really cut into my drinking, and I had some catching up to do, that much was owed me.

Weeks turned to months. Things were bad at home, and even the drinking wasn’t quite enough to shut out my big-mouth mother-in-law anymore. The wife, well, it had been some years really that there had been anything close to “love” between us, but with kids, you try and hang in there. Here’s a surprise for you: The kids. They were even starting to hate me!

I think it was about then I began hearing The Voice. I had been drinking myself to sleep with a fair amount of success, but seems like I would always wake up a few hours later. Some pills helped for a little while, but pretty soon, I would go to bed with the absolute certainty that I would be waking up at exactly 1:11 am. I know you won’t believe me, but night, after night, my eyes would open, and nothing but “ones” on that damn alarm Clock.

Sometimes, I would even try to outsmart the Clock, and I would find myself awake, but I would just lay there, with my eyes still closed, figuring the numbers were sure to change. But every time I actually opened my eyes, the Ones were there to remind me. I wasn’t fooling anyone but myself.

I won’t deny that The Voice scared the crap out of me the first time I heard it. I woke up, like usual, but had some growling in my stomach, some gas maybe. The mother-in-law had done her “special” cooking the night before, and it never agreed with me. As I lay there, waiting for the Clock to turn, I listened to my stomach.

Suddenly, the belly growling sounded like words! My imagination, I know! My eyes opened immediately, the Ones again, and then…The Voice.

It first said…”Listen!” And I did! What an angry Voice, The Voice, but what else was I going to do? It was repeating that word, I wasn’t dreaming. It became, “Listen to Me!”

So I did! My stomach was actually talking to me, there was no denying it. I actually got up, walked around as quietly as possible. My wife woke up, wondering what was going on, since usually, I just tossed, and turned.

“Biotch!”

“What was that?”

My wife had heard it loud and clear. I had not said it, it was The Voice!

“#### ing Biotch!”

It was so clear, she yelled at me to get out, and I went downstairs, made some coffee, and still couldn’t quite get it out of my head that it was real.

Several nights went by, and I didn’t hear it again. I was completely OK thinking it was my imagination, but it WASN’T!

1:11

“Gut Up, Schmunch!”

“Get Up Schmuck!”

“You Schmuck, Get Up!!”


The Voice still sounded just like my stomach growling, but now, with every new word, it was clear that there was a real Voice. This was not my imagination!

I finally talked back, asking what the hell it wanted from me, but before it answered, I already knew what it was going to say!

“Kill!”

“Kill them!”

“Kill them all!!”


I swear I did not do it the first time it told me to! I swear! But of course, that’s before I knew WHO The Voice was.

Night, after night, I woke up…

“Kill them!”

“Kill them!”


Pretty soon, The Voice moved from my belly…to my head!

I would hear it now during the day. My wife might say something, and instantly, I would hear The Voice…

“Are you going to apply at the Plant this morning? Henderson is going, why don’t you go with him? They’re supposed to hire like thirty or forty people.”

She would say crap like this often enough, but soon, I could hear The Voice answering.

“Biotch! Shut up! It’s not 30 or 40, it’s three or four! Idiot! Shut up!”

My in-laws, same thing. I was really starting to hate these people!

You probably wonder about my kids. I did NOT hate them! Please tell the court this, they won’t believe me, but I never hated them. They hated Me!

I did nothing but work my ass off for them, year after year. Food on the table, toys at Christmas…For me? Nothing but HATE!!

The Voice was getting very angry, when I finally discovered Who it was!

The wife had wanted to go back to church, she said it would help the family, she even said that the pastor knew some big employers, who might like to hire parishioners, etc.

I went along, and as it turned out, for good reason! The pastor talked about God, and how He was not very pleased with people. People were rotten, nasty, horrible! Oh how right he was!

I sat there, listening, believing, getting madder and madder, when suddenly, the pastor’s voice changed! My God! The Voice was GOD’S voice!!

I had always known it, in my heart, but the anger had puzzled me. Not to mention, I never knew that God talked that way before, but you know what, He was PISSED after all!!! Don’t you doubt it for a minute!

I left the church that day a new man. Apparently, I was the ONLY person God could trust, in this whole miserable world, to actually listen to Him! Pathetic!!

I ask you this, oh high and mighty Attorney Man: Is it wrong to kill, if GOD tells you to do it?

Of course, I got home, and dusted off my old Bible. Sure enough, God was just as pissed as ever, way back in the Old Days too! I think I had missed it before, because somebody had told me how nice His Son was, but you know what?

NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY!!

I read about Abraham, and Isaac, the kid was supposed to die, and some angel saves the kid!!??

Let me ask you this, oh high and mighty Attorney Man: Does God change His mind?

I think not. Obviously, the Old Church got into the Book, and fouled up the message, big time! What else was all screwed to the moon, in that old Book of Lies?

The scales fell from my eyes that day, and I knew what to do, even before The Voice told me to do it.

I will tell you that the kids at least, they felt nothing. They were asleep! Tell the court that! I am Merciful, saith the Lord!

The rest, well, I think you already know they deserved everything they got. And to be honest, the one who lasted the longest, was my big fat furry wife! I don’t regret it for a minute (although the Lord tells me that you might leave that part out).

When I showed up at the unemployment office that day, I do want to tell you that I had prayed a lot before hand. Early that morning, I had obeyed The Voice, and my family was gone. I stayed with them, until angels came down to get them. Honestly, I only saw two angels that morning, and I do believe they came to get the kids. The rest, well, to hell with them!

So anyway, like I said, I had prayed, and The Voice had given me guidance, and I did what I was told.

Let me ask you this, Attorney Man: Would YOU have obeyed the Lord God Almighty, like I did?

Yeah, I thought so. You know what, your name may be Abe, but you are NO Abraham my friend, I can tell you that!

I was well prepared. Two shot guns, my rifle, extra clips. Side arm.

As I unleashed the Divine Fury upon them, I couldn’t help but wonder at how ridiculous they all were. Not one of them tried to stop me! Oh yes, I know, God Himself arranged the whole thing that way, but these pathetic excuses for human beings, they deserved to die! Tell the court this, they may understand, I don’t know, but tell them, because these animals were completely worthless!! I want them to know that!

There is one more thing you need to know. The Voice told me to tell YOU this: “Do ye not pleadeth insanity, for this is My Son, in whom I am well pleased!”

You don’t want to screw this one up my friend, I don’t have to tell you how bad for your health it could be if you fail to listen to the Almighty!

Ah and yes, I know you’re thinking it! "Resist ye the temptation!" I am NOT insane, simply because I listen to God, and then actually DO what He says!

I can tell you that there would be a LOT fewer people in the world, if more were like me!

Anyways…I’m really not that mean Abe. Remember, I still have that crystallized leather cat here under my bed, waiting for you, with the pink leggings…God made him just for you! (Don’t worry, We won’t tell your Secret, unless you screw things up…)

By 4 now – True Son




posted on Sep, 11 2010 @ 12:57 PM
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reply to post by JR MacBeth
 


Thanks for the stars folks. I threw this one out as sort of test. If anyone can help me with the "cussing" thing, I would be very grateful for your insights.

I've asked questions, but never quite get enough of a response. Sure, "stay within the T&C." But lots of things I read easily push the envelope. did my story here push the envelope? I don't think so, but I honestly don't know for sure!

It's obvious that "deliberately avoiding" the automatic censors, or whatever, is more or less the norm, within limits. I've read posts from people who have a zillion points, and advise people to learn the "tricks", of getting your point across, letting the reader figure out what cuss-word you intended, but again, without causing a ruckus. I've read winning stories, posted by big Mods even, and I see they're using the "tricks" too.

Makes sense of course, since the greatest authors of today do not shrink from that element of realism. Frankly, I have given the matter more thought, and picked up old books, reread some Stephen King and others, and honestly, there are passages that simply would not work, would not feel real, if real language had been left out.

On the other hand, especially regarding guys like King, there are examples where he just goes overboard, and an honest critic might be wondering if he could have tastefully held back some. But, being a judgement-call kind of a thing, who am I to judge the likes of today's best-selling giants? (BTW, I only picked up King because I read about the up-coming Halloween Contest here! Might be fun to enter something.)

I guess it's a delicate matter, and no straight answer should be expected, because enforcement does seem fairly arbitrary, and might only change too.

This is not a protest, or anyone trying to launch an insurrection, just a noob trying to figure out the real culture here.

Well, anyone reading this has probably figured out I'm not much of a "fantasy" or fiction writer. 99% of everything I've ever written has always been business related, non-fiction, etc., done in the course of my work. But, it's nice to let the imagination out sometimes!

Again, any criticisms, assistance, pointers, observations...I promise I will not be a brat and pout. I do enjoy the opportunity to learn, and see that there are lots of very able writers here, and as I am admittedly out of my element, I humbly request, and would value some feedback.

Thanks everyone.

JR



posted on Sep, 15 2010 @ 09:29 PM
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reply to post by JR MacBeth
 


Appreciate the stars, but someone please let me have some constructive criticism already!

This particular challenge involved not only the deranged mind, but also an attempt to keep it "so" simple. The central character is not someone with giant IQ, but he is clearly insane, by any standards. He listens to "God", and then does his bidding. He corresponds with his attorney, who clearly is on to him. Insane? Obviously. Or not? This was a difficult character for me to develop, since it's so far out of my comfort zone.

Anyway, while I had hoped to get more feedback on the "cussing" issue, anything would be helpful. I'm getting close to finishing a "Halloween" story, so you creative writer folk, please drop me a line, ha?

JR



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