My first "story", my first thread. Hope it's within the rules...!
Please note that "religious" content is not meant to offend anyone, this is a "point of view" thing.
You told me to write down my story, so here it is. I’m not sure you’re going to want to use it in court, but you said to leave that to you.
You’re the smart attorney, I just hope you’re worth a damn, after all I’ve been through.
Sleepless nights. Days, I dragged myself around, exhausted. Eventually, it caught up with me, and I was fired.
I hated my boss anyway, and in some ways, I felt relieved. But it was a bad time to be without a job. My older brother, way better qualified than
me, in a dozen ways, had been looking for work nine straight months now. Nothing.
Of course, I had expenses he didn’t have. He, the bachelor, me, stuck with my fat wife, two kids, and the in-laws to boot. “Unfair” doesn’t
begin to describe it.
Guess what? My unemployment check wasn’t going to cut it for long, was it? But after fighting the Good Fight for so long, maybe it was time to
finally relax a bit. Come to think of it, that damn job had really cut into my drinking, and I had some catching up to do, that much was owed me.
Weeks turned to months. Things were bad at home, and even the drinking wasn’t quite enough to shut out my big-mouth mother-in-law anymore. The
wife, well, it had been some years really that there had been anything close to “love” between us, but with kids, you try and hang in there.
Here’s a surprise for you: The kids. They were even starting to hate me!
I think it was about then I began hearing The Voice. I had been drinking myself to sleep with a fair amount of success, but seems like I would always
wake up a few hours later. Some pills helped for a little while, but pretty soon, I would go to bed with the absolute certainty that I would be
waking up at exactly 1:11 am. I know you won’t believe me, but night, after night, my eyes would open, and nothing but “ones” on that damn
Sometimes, I would even try to outsmart the Clock, and I would find myself awake, but I would just lay there, with my eyes still closed, figuring the
numbers were sure to change. But every time I actually opened my eyes, the Ones were there to remind me. I wasn’t fooling anyone but myself.
I won’t deny that The Voice scared the crap out of me the first time I heard it. I woke up, like usual, but had some growling in my stomach, some
gas maybe. The mother-in-law had done her “special” cooking the night before, and it never agreed with me. As I lay there, waiting for the Clock
to turn, I listened to my stomach.
Suddenly, the belly growling sounded like words! My imagination, I know! My eyes opened immediately, the Ones again, and then…The Voice.
It first said…”Listen!” And I did! What an angry Voice, The Voice, but what else was I going to do? It was repeating that word, I wasn’t
dreaming. It became, “Listen to Me!”
So I did! My stomach was actually talking to me, there was no denying it. I actually got up, walked around as quietly as possible. My wife woke up,
wondering what was going on, since usually, I just tossed, and turned.
“What was that?”
My wife had heard it loud and clear. I had not said it, it was The Voice!
“#### ing Biotch!”
It was so clear, she yelled at me to get out, and I went downstairs, made some coffee, and still couldn’t quite get it out of my head that it was
Several nights went by, and I didn’t hear it again. I was completely OK thinking it was my imagination, but it WASN’T!
“Gut Up, Schmunch!”
“Get Up Schmuck!”
“You Schmuck, Get Up!!”
The Voice still sounded just like my stomach growling, but now, with every new word, it was clear that there was a real Voice. This was not my
I finally talked back, asking what the hell it wanted from me, but before it answered, I already knew what it was going to say!
“Kill them all!!”
I swear I did not do it the first time it told me to! I swear! But of course, that’s before I knew WHO The Voice was.
Night, after night, I woke up…
Pretty soon, The Voice moved from my belly…to my head!
I would hear it now during the day. My wife might say something, and instantly, I would hear The Voice…
“Are you going to apply at the Plant this morning? Henderson is going, why don’t you go with him? They’re supposed to hire like thirty or
She would say crap like this often enough, but soon, I could hear The Voice answering.
“Biotch! Shut up! It’s not 30 or 40, it’s three or four! Idiot! Shut up!”
My in-laws, same thing. I was really starting to hate these people!
You probably wonder about my kids. I did NOT hate them! Please tell the court this, they won’t believe me, but I never hated them. They hated
I did nothing but work my ass off for them, year after year. Food on the table, toys at Christmas…For me? Nothing but HATE!!
The Voice was getting very angry, when I finally discovered Who it was!
The wife had wanted to go back to church, she said it would help the family, she even said that the pastor knew some big employers, who might like to
hire parishioners, etc.
I went along, and as it turned out, for good reason! The pastor talked about God, and how He was not very pleased with people. People were rotten,
nasty, horrible! Oh how right he was!
I sat there, listening, believing, getting madder and madder, when suddenly, the pastor’s voice changed! My God! The Voice was GOD’S voice!!
I had always known it, in my heart, but the anger had puzzled me. Not to mention, I never knew that God talked that way before, but you know what, He
was PISSED after all!!! Don’t you doubt it for a minute!
I left the church that day a new man. Apparently, I was the ONLY person God could trust, in this whole miserable world, to actually listen to Him!
I ask you this, oh high and mighty Attorney Man: Is it wrong to kill, if GOD tells you to do it?
Of course, I got home, and dusted off my old Bible. Sure enough, God was just as pissed as ever, way back in the Old Days too! I think I had missed
it before, because somebody had told me how nice His Son was, but you know what?
NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY!!
I read about Abraham, and Isaac, the kid was supposed to die, and some angel saves the kid!!??
Let me ask you this, oh high and mighty Attorney Man: Does God change His mind?
I think not. Obviously, the Old Church got into the Book, and fouled up the message, big time! What else was all screwed to the moon, in that old
Book of Lies?
The scales fell from my eyes that day, and I knew what to do, even before The Voice told me to do it.
I will tell you that the kids at least, they felt nothing. They were asleep! Tell the court that! I am Merciful, saith the Lord!
The rest, well, I think you already know they deserved everything they got. And to be honest, the one who lasted the longest, was my big fat furry
wife! I don’t regret it for a minute (although the Lord tells me that you might leave that part out).
When I showed up at the unemployment office that day, I do want to tell you that I had prayed a lot before hand. Early that morning, I had obeyed The
Voice, and my family was gone. I stayed with them, until angels came down to get them. Honestly, I only saw two angels that morning, and I do
believe they came to get the kids. The rest, well, to hell with them!
So anyway, like I said, I had prayed, and The Voice had given me guidance, and I did what I was told.
Let me ask you this, Attorney Man: Would YOU have obeyed the Lord God Almighty, like I did?
Yeah, I thought so. You know what, your name may be Abe, but you are NO Abraham my friend, I can tell you that!
I was well prepared. Two shot guns, my rifle, extra clips. Side arm.
As I unleashed the Divine Fury upon them, I couldn’t help but wonder at how ridiculous they all were. Not one of them tried to stop me! Oh yes, I
know, God Himself arranged the whole thing that way, but these pathetic excuses for human beings, they deserved to die! Tell the court this, they may
understand, I don’t know, but tell them, because these animals were completely worthless!! I want them to know that!
There is one more thing you need to know. The Voice told me to tell YOU this: “Do ye not pleadeth insanity, for this is My Son, in whom
I am well pleased!”
You don’t want to screw this one up my friend, I don’t have to tell you how bad for your health it could be if you fail to listen to the
Ah and yes, I know you’re thinking it! "Resist ye the temptation!" I am NOT insane, simply because I listen to God, and then actually DO
what He says!
I can tell you that there would be a LOT fewer people in the world, if more were like me!
Anyways…I’m really not that mean Abe. Remember, I still have that crystallized leather cat here under my bed, waiting for you, with the pink
leggings…God made him just for you! (Don’t worry, We won’t tell your Secret, unless you screw things up…)
By 4 now – True Son