The Pain Of Love. Why?

Love means exposing yourself to the pain of being hurt, deeply hurt by someone you trust.

I have fallen in love, it is great, its fantastic, it is the most amazing feeling I have ever felt but at the same time the most painful. When she hurts, I hurt, when she cries, I cry. This girl is my soulmate she feels it and I feel it.
The question is WHY? Why do I feel this way? My heart skips a beat ever time we touch, every time we kiss.

It sounds strange but I would cry, I would die and I would kill for this girl. I will protect her from all the harm and destruction in the world.

This isn't a reproduction thing, its deeper!

The question is why do we love? even when it hurts this much! (although it a good pain).

Peace and love.
ALS

P.S: Sorry for being soppy.

We need something to waste our time on. ATS is a love of mine

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


That pain we feel is usually the pain of not being able to be in control.

And sometimes it is also because we replayed whatever painful scenario in our imagination so we actually understand the feelings associated.

But then that brings us back to not being in control - which is a tragedy in itself when you cannot divert or otherwise undo tragedy.

reply to post by TarzanBeta


Your right I don't feel in control, in control of myself, in control of my emotions.

It feels good. kinda like i've finally been able to let go.

Peace.
ALS

I wonder this myself. I love my bf more than anyone I have ever met. I am strangely connected to him in ways I never have been before with someone. I can tell when he is bothered and it bothers me. I feel what he feels and I am not really use to that. I get butterflies everytime I see or talk to him. It's amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world. I feel he is my soul mate, the one I have been looking for and found unexpectedly.

Love is amazing but the hurt of it can be too much to handle. I would be lost without my love. I can be me and I love that. I don't have to hide who I am, he sees the real me and loves me for that. I have learned a lot from him about myself. I have never had anyone have this kind of effect on me. It's mind boggling but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I was terrified honestly to even fall in love but he somehow broke down my walls and I didn't even notice it until it was too late. I had already fallen.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Because with pain, and being in the dark you better understand Love, and being in the light.

I take it you are in the beginning stages of a relationship.LOL Real lasting love sees beyond the deeply emotional 'in love' emotions. When you can look at your partner after 30 years and still love them for who they are, that is real love.

reply to post by Night Star


Very true!

I have only been with her for 6 months but I feel like I could be with her for the rest of my life.

She is my first and only love.

Peace.
ALS

You very well may be together forever. Always keep the lines of communication open and never take one another for granted. Allow time apart to breathe LOL. Good luck hun.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Hi ALOSTSOUL,

I think you have been brainwashed by the perception of Love. Yes I am lucky to have felt what you are now feeling but many moons ahead I realise that it was more an obsession than real love. Each time they were "the one".

When she hurts, I hurt, when she cries, I cry This is not love. This is a fixation and your personal connection.

Love does NOT hurt. The lack or loss of love hurts.

I dont mean to be harsh and I really hope you have found your "soulmate" but putting all your energy into "the one" is not benefical to either of you. You are both individuals and yes you may have a connection but you will ALWAYS be your own person.

I wish you the best but true love takes time. It doesnt happen in minutes, hours, weeks or months. Everyone is a complex and individual entity. True love only happens over time.

I dont mean to be condescending but it is very hard to put" an old head on young shoulders".

I sincerley hope you have found true love and the hurt disappears.

reply to post by Irish Matador


I get where your coming from.

When I say "When she hurts, I hurt, when she cries, I cry" its only because she going through a very hard time at the moment (basically her dads done a runner). The thing is I truely feel her pain, its not like a sympathetic thing, its an actual emotion that I am feeling.

I know it must sound naive from someone whos only been in love for 6 months but this is how I feel. It feels right.

What is thw science behind these feelings

Peace.
ALS

Dear OP,

I know exactly what you are feeling, as I have been there before. I was in love, deep, connected, and intense love with who I thought was my soul-mate...Having met randomly online, we had discovered that we both shared the same birthday, including the year!

Due to this I believe we had a very deep connection, however the dislikes I had about myself, I also saw in her. 3 years later we both went our separate ways, (this was last summer) It has taken me almost a year to get over it, even though I was the one who ended it, it still hurts.

My advice for you? Even though it feels like your love may last forever, remember that the only thing for certain is CHANGE. A change in feelings, change in location, etc... Dont get attached dude, no matter what you do, DONT GET ATTACHED, it will be that much worse if and when it inevitably ends.

----GeminiSky

I hate to be un-romantic here, but love is due to dopamine (whilst lust, in both sexes is triggered by testosterone). At least that's what some TV documentary said.
Love can actually be a period of mental illness and obsession.
It can lead to delusions.

They don't call it "love-sick" for nothing.
But if it's pleasant, enjoy it while it lasts - who knows, maybe forever (but sign a pre-nup just in case)?

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


I dont think you sound or that you are being naive at all.

I have been there and felt the same. The only reason that I wrote what I did is that at " this moment" you feel this overwhelming connection but that it could change in an instant.

The words I wrote were to advise to take your time and enjoy how you feel rather than get consumed and later pay a price.

I wish your girlfriend the best in her difficult time but I wish you the the best for the future and hope you have found true love and happiness.

LOVE SHOULD NOT HURT.

Regards

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Stop living by quotes and find a routine that works for you. I find that simply forgetting about all the expectations and just living in eternal now ness really works. I feel happier and I am ready to deal with every single day right here and right now

I remember my first love....I remember my second love...I remember most of the girls and women I have loved. I remember my first wife...I remember my second wife.... I love my third wife.

Part of Love is a drug released by your own body...sense of euphoria, that mindless zombie like gaze and smile when you look into each others eyes.... your little hearts go pitter patter... yup, still feel it for my wife after all these years..the 3rd one that is.

The second one still gives me the tingles when I sit down and think of her....usually on a cold winters eve by a warm fire...or maybe a certain song...I did love her.

Love goes through many stages...hopefully you will grow together and not apart. When you sit there, and have just finished an argument...you get up and still ask her if she wants some coffee...that is love. When she brings home another horse and you are the one that feeds the horse, scoops the poop, and spend your whole day off putting up fence so you can see her smile...that is love. When you remember when she still had a neck, but she still drives you wild.... with messed up hair, legs that should have been shaved yesterday, a baggy old t-shirt with a pot plant on it,... yup, you are in love.

Hope you get there, friend...it's still good after all these years.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


Sorry for the pain. Be proud of it.
You're experiencing the power of two souls becoming one.

reply to post by Irish Matador


If there was only Love how would you know what Love is without pain?

The thesis does not exist in perception without the antithesis.

Namaste!

Strange, the closest I came to being in love with a girl was in school.
I braided her hair and it had this smell of Timotei shampoo and conditioner.
I'm not sure if other countries had it too.
But the smell of that hair made her seem so gentle and soft.

Later, when I had my own long hair I always washed it with Timotei, until they took it off the market.
Some bath gels and shampoos still slightly remind me, even if I have a tiny sniff in the store.
It made me want to protect her, and she was so soft and clean ...

I think love, in order for it to last and be strong, needs to be always detached. Some people will inevitably bring in past experiences to their new relationship, and they won't be able to put 100% love in because of the hurt from their prior attachment.

I hate to put it in these terms...but it's like if you're a doctor with a patient. Can you best take care of the patient, and yourself, if you're attached to them? Simply, no. Your judgment will become impaired over what they need, and you'll have some issues arising as well. In all seriousness, any doctor who gets attached to a patient, needs to be fired. Ideally...if you really love a person, if they wanted to leave, you'd be happy for them. And I don't see why not, your "ideal" person is going to want to stay, if they want to leave, let them.